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The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Wednesday, the 27th of Menachem-Av 5782 and August 24, 2022
Finding the Balance
Nothing is more painful than observing one Jew hurt another over who gets the Amud to honor one’s loved one.
Yesterday, I wrote a piece on how Daas Torah delegates priorities on davening for the Amud.
The poskim point out that an individual who is a regular in the Shul and is paying his dues as best as he can has priority at the Amud.
Please note that I cannot address all situations, and this piece will attempt to cover many of your questions.
· A person who regularly davens in a Shul should financially help bear the financial needs of the Shul.
· The accepted method in our neighborhood is through membership in the Shul.
· A daily davener can assist the Shul by becoming a full member.
· It goes without saying that if an individual cannot afford the membership rate, they pay what they can while retaining their status as full members.
· A person paying full membership has first-tier rights at the Amud.
· A person who davens during the week at the Shul and Shabbos at a different Shul is encouraged to become (at least) an associate member.
· They would be considered the second Tier on rights to the Amud.
· A person who occasionally davens in the Shul and contributes to the various appeals of the Shul and/or places an ad in the dinner journal would also have precedence over a guest.
· A person who gives a dollar a day would be next on the preference ladder.
· As mentioned, a person who does not make any financial effort to support the Shul and lives in town or is a guest would be on the lowest Tier regarding rights to the Amud.
All those who financially support the Shul have preference over those who do not.
This is nothing to do with being unwelcoming or unfair; rather, it has everything to do with being fair to those who support the Shul in the best way they can.
In a case when there are two equals (for example, two full members or two total non-members) the proper procedure is as follows:
Four categories of those who daven for the Amud because of mourning.
A. A person in Shiva
B. A person in Shloshim
C. A person during the twelve-month mourning period
D. A Yahrtzeit for one’s mother or father
(Please note that no halachik status is given to any Yahrtzeit other than a parent.)
Here is the protocol of priorities
1. A person in Shiva has preference over anyone in Shloshim
2. A person in Shloshim trumps a person during the twelve-month mourning period, and a Yahrtzeit for one’s mother or father
3. A Yahrtzeit trumps a Yud Beis Chodesh mourner but not a Shloshim
4. Yud Beis Chodesh has the right to the Amud over the rest of the Mispallelim
These priorities apply to the entire Shacharis davening.
· A Sholshim may be generous and allow a Yud Beis Chodesh to continue at the Amud from Ashrei.
· Obviously, at Mincha and Maariv, only one person can lead the davening.
· Please note, under no circumstances is a breakaway minyan allowed.
· Any breakaway minyan constitutes “Gezel,” stealing of Shul property as the Shul does not allow usage of the Shul for breakaway minyanim.
It has taken me many hours to write these words (write and re-write).
Part of the reason I have decided to put this in writing is not as many assume, because some terrible Machlokes occurred.
In fact, it is quite the opposite.
The main reason for my writing is that many of my regulars have heard me speak much about the value of Vatranus (of avoiding conflict by giving in).
And although Vatranus is indeed a laudable trait, it can be abused by others.
I am referring to what I call “Amud Bullying.”
Here’s how it goes.
A fellow with no financial connection to the Shul yet, confident and convinced of his right to the Amud, shows up at 1:20 PM for the 1:30 PM Mincha.
He immediately wraps himself with a Tallis, pulls out a Mishna, and stakes out his turf by standing at the Amud.
He will often physically grasp the Siddur and the Amud itself in a physical demonstrative act that conveys to all the message, “Don’t mess with me; this is my Amud.”
At 1:29, a dues-paying regular member shows up.
The member, who is an easygoing fellow, perhaps a Baal Teshuva, and has maybe even heard me speak about the greatness of Vatranus.
As he arrives, he sees the confident fellow decked out in the Tallis, tightly gripping that Amud.
As he sees Mr.-I-Want-the-Amud- he is intimidated and says nothing.
That is not right. That is Amud bullying.
A person with no halachik right to the Amud has manipulated a situation where the only way to remove him is through direct confrontation, a manner many despise.
Mr.-I-Want-the-Amud-Man is a non-contributing nice guy who davens Mincha in the Ahavas during his Aveilus.
He even now believes he has a Chazaka on the Amud.
However, he does not feel the need to support the Shul financially.
(Please note, this is not necessarily the stereotypical person.
MANY individuals feel obligated to contribute and help carry the burden with everyone else and do so generously.
However, some (hopefully a small minority) do not pull their weight financially.It is to this minority I address my words)
He believes our Shul is akin to a “Minyan-Factory-Shteibel” where there is often neither membership nor even “regulars” as the Shul consists of itinerates.
Yet, this is not the case at the Ahavas.
Everyone is welcome at the Ahavas.
There are no entrance fees.
Yet, the Shul is not a hefker-free-for-all -Minyan-Factory-Shteibel.
The Shul has many regulars and has membership dues just as any Shul.
It is a Shul with many minyanim to which everyone is welcome.
· Before you grab the Talis, think that there might be someone else whose heart also aches for his deceased loved one, and he too pines for the Amud yet, hesitates not to make Machlokes.
· Look around and realize that although you are welcome at the Shul, please be mindful of those who pay the electricity and expenses that allow you to daven.
· Please give them consideration and priority.
So here is the pecking order of individuals who support the Shul and receive priority at the Amud.
Category A
(status of being a member or supporter of Shul)
First Tier
1. Resident paid up full member
2. Resident paid up associate member
Second Tier
3. Supporter of Shul through various other donations – dinner journal ad, minyan appeal, a dollar a day- in amounts equalling at least $360
4. Supporter of Shul through various other donations – dinner journal ad, minyan appeal, a dollar a day in amounts less than $360 yet more than $180
5. Supporter of Shul through various other donations – dinner journal ad, minyan appeal, a dollar a day in amounts not more than $180
6. Supporter of Shul through various other donations – dinner journal ad, minyan appeal, a dollar a day in amounts not more than $100
Third Tier
Anyone who does not qualify for any of the above six categories.
Anyone in Tier One trumps everyone in Tier Two, irrespective of their mourning status.
And number one trumps everyone in category number two.
Anyone in Tier Two trumps everyone in Tier Three, irrespective of their mourning status.
And the lower numbers in Tier two trump the higher numbers
I don’t expect people to come to Shul with canceled checks or proof of donation.
However, YOU know who you are.
As you know your status, I leave it to you to decide if you should cede the Amud to someone else.
In Review:
If you have two of equal tier status:
Here is the protocol of priorities
1. A person in Shiva has the first preference over anyone in Shloshim
2. A person in Shloshim trumps a person during the twelve-month mourning period, and a Yahrtzeit for one’s mother or father
3. A Yahrtzeit trumps a Yud Beis Chodesh mourner but not a Shloshim
· As mentioned, for Mincha and Maariv, only one person will daven, and NO BREAKAWAY Minyanim allowed.
· For Shacharis, even a person with priority can (and it’s certainly nice to do) hand over the Amud to a lower level category before the last Ashrei- although it is NOT mandatory.
· If two equals approach the Amud, the first one to arrive will get preference.
· If both arrive simultaneously, one can be Mevater, or they can flip a coin.
· Remember, Vatranus, in this case, is very admirable.
Chasam Sofer writes if you take the Amud from someone who deserves it more than you, the other person’s loved one will get the Zechus and not your loved one.
The bottom line is that let’s all try to be nice and considerate, not selfish and self-centered.
Look around before you chap the Amud.
Maybe ask, “Are there any members who are Chiyuvim?”
You will never lose out by doing the right thing and avoiding Machlokes.
Some more points:
1. If you daven, please daven according to the pace of allotting no less than 15 until Barchu on weekdays (no more than 18)
2. Allot 6-7 minutes for Birkas Krias Shema
3. Allot 6-7 minutes for silent Shmoneh Esrei for all three tefillos
4. If you are not fluent in Hebrew, please don’t daven for the Amud. You may cause people to become upset; that is no Zechus for your loved one.
5. I once (after numerous complaints) approached someone unable to read Hebrew fluently and mispronounced many words.
Although I begged him to get coaching and even said I would do so, the person hesitated and kept insisting on the Amud.
Finally, I said to the person, “Your davening is not “ratzui l’Kahal’- it’s not acceptable to the congregation. You are making too many mispronunciations.”
The man replied, “I don’t care. I find it cathartic to daven.”
I was happy he found it cathartic.
However, davening for the Amud means leading the Tzibbur in proper davening.
I wanted to tell him (but I did not), “If you are looking for a cathartic experience, please go to a therapist. Subjecting the Tzibbur to your davening so you can have a cathartic experience is not in keeping with Torah guidelines.
6. I knew many great people who never davened for the Amud; they did many other mitzvahs and learned Torah to give a Zechus to their loved ones.
Finally, I ask you to contemplate this beautiful story I love about the Chazon Ish.
One day the Chazon Ish (1878 –1953), the son of HaRav Shmaryahu Yosef Karelitz, the great rabbi of Kosava, was visiting a neighboring town.
The Chazon Ish was already a great Talmid Chochom (he published his first volume on Orach Chaim in 1911 at 33). However, he was a very modest, unassuming, and humble man.
He dressed humbly, he acted humbly, and he was humble.
He arrived at the small local Shul before Mincha. Noticing a Gemara Kiddushin on the table, he opened it up and began to learn Torah.
A few minutes later, the Gabbai arrived and began setting up the Shul for the Gemara Shiur between Mincha and Maariv.
The Gabbai noticed that one Gemara was missing,
He noticed a man who seemed to be glancing at the missing Gemara.
Not wanting to insult the man, yet, realizing he needed the Gemara for the Shiur attendees, the Gabbai took a Sefer Tehillim and approached the holy of holies.
He gently said to the Chazon Ish as he lifted the Gemara from the table and replaced it with a Sefer Tehillim.
“I’m sorry, the Gemara’s were purchased by the attendees for usage during the Shur. I must take it from you. Perhaps you would like to recite Tehillim instead?”
The Chazon Ish thanked the Gabbai profusely and opened the Sefer Tehillim after relinquishing the Gemara.
The next morning, the Gabbai decided to call the simple, humble guest to the Torah for an Aliyah.
He asked the man his name to be called up to the Torah.
The man replied, “Avrohom Yeshaya ben Shemaryahu Yosef.”
Immediately, the Gabbai realized that this man was the son of the famed Rav of the neighboring town of Kosova.
He also recalled that Avrohom Yeshaya was the name of the great son of the Kosova Rav.
In short, he now knew the man standing next to him was non-other than the Chazon Ish himself.
After the Torah reading, the Gabbai begged forgiveness from the Chazon Ish.
“Please forgive me for taking the Gemara away from the Rav yesterday, handing you a Sefer Tehillim, and suggesting you recite Tehillim. I had no idea who you were!”
The Chazon Ish looked incredulously at the Gabbai. “Forgive you? For what? You did nothing wrong at all. The Gemaras were bought and paid for by the Shul members for the usage of the Shiur attendees.
I am not a Shul member, so I had no right to the Gemara. You did the correct thing in taking the Gemara from me and ensuring the members have what is theirs. And the fact that you offered me a Tehillim was also a gesture of kindness. After all, you reminded me I should be more diligent in reciting Tehillim and even provided me with a Shul-owned volume of Tehillim. I cannot thank you enough!”
We don’t want conflict.
Look around before you “chap” the Amud.
I close with a story about myself.
It’s not nice to tell stories about yourself.
It’s not humble.
It can be interpreted as hubris, as indeed it may be.
However, I will tell my tale at the risk of being a boaster, a braggart, and a show-off.
My mother passed away on March 29, 2015.
One day during my year of Aveilus, I arrived at Mincha and went to pick up the Tallis to daven for the Amud.
A man came over to me.
He said he was from Cleveland and was passing through and had Yahrtzeit for his great-grandmother and asked to daven for the Amud.
He was not a member and was just passing through.
There is no halachik significance to a Yahrtzeit for a grandmother or a great-grandmother.
However, he looked so sad, and he so yearned to daven.
Before I could say a word, someone came over and told the visitor, “The Rav is saying Kaddish for his mother.”
The man recoiled as he perceived he had insulted me.
“I am so sorry, I didn’t know you were the Rav, and I didn’t realize you are a Chiyuv.”
He retreated to his seat as if he had wronged me; of course, he did nothing of the kind.
As I picked up the Talis, I thought of my mother.
It was for her Zechus I was davening.
As I held the Talis, I recalled that my mother’s greatest middah was avoidance of Machlokes.
She would do everything and anything to avoid conflict and Machlokes.
Vatranus was her crowning trait.
I picked up the Talis and walked over to the Clevelander.
I wordlessly wrapped the Talis around his shoulders and motioned him to go to the Amud.
I have davened Mincha thousands of times.
Yet, I have never experienced a more meaningful Mincha than the one the anonymous man from Cleveland led over seven years ago.
“If Not Now, Then When?”- Hillel
Ron Yitzchok Eisenman
Rav
Congregation Ahavas Israel
Passaic, NJ
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