The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Wednesday, the first day of Chol HaMoed Succos 5783, and October 12, 2022
Lukshen Kugel
PART ONE- THE SIN
Chaim called, emailed, and left a note on my office door requesting to see me before Yom Kippur.
Chaim was not usually so persistent. I realized something must be urgent.
“What going on, Chaim?”
“Rabbi, I know we are expected to forgive everyone before Yom Kippur. However, I must confess. No matter how hard I try, there is one person in the world I cannot yet forgive.”
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
Chaim whispered, “It has to do with something which, if I remember correctly, you taught us in Shiur that I am not obligated to forgive for such an offense.”
My ears perked up as I listened intently.
“Didn’t you once say that if someone embarrasses you in public, you don’t have to forgive because they can never really do Teshuva? You explained that it’s almost impossible to take back a public humiliation; once the words are out there, you can never fully retrieve them.”
“Chaim, you remember well. I assume someone embarrassed you in public, correct?”
Chaim nodded as his face reddened.
“And I imagine you cannot find it in your heart to forgive that person?”
Once again, Chaim silently nodded.
I sat back and thought, How badly could Chaim have been embarrassed?
It was Erev Yom Kippur, and there were Droshos to be written and questions to be answered. I was sitting already for thirty minutes with Chaim, and he couldn’t tell me who had hurt him so deeply.
I was getting impatient as I thought Chaim must be making a mountain out of a molehill.
I was starting to get somewhat annoyed.
“Rabbi, didn’t you mention that the shame a person feels is compounded by the importance of the person doing the shaming?
“Yes, Chaim, you are correct.”
Chaim again fell silent.
I was sure now that Chaim was exaggerating a minor slight, and probably no one else even picked up on it.
“Chaim, can I help you get over this?”
Chaim nodded. “Yes, you can help me.”
I leaned in toward Chaim.
“Rabbi, the important person I am having trouble forgiving is sitting across from me right now.”
His words exploded with the intensity of an atomic bomb.
I had humiliated or embarrassed Chaim?
What was he talking about?
“Chaim, how did I embarrass you?”
“Do you remember when we were learning the halachos of what constitutes a Seuda for one to fulfill their obligation of Kiddush B’Makom Seuda?”
I nodded.
“Rabbi, you said, “You can eat a piece of cake, a cracker, or even lukshen kugel.”
I asked, “What’s lukshen kugel?” And you smiled and said, “You don’t know what lukshen kugel is?”
I was humiliated.
Everyone in the room knew I was a fool, an ignoramus, an amhaetz, or however you pronounce it. Rabbi, it is you who I cannot find in my heart to forgive.
If the Rabbi of the Shul mocks you for not knowing what lukshen kugel is, then the entire Shul knows you are nothing.”
My entire world came crashing down.
There were no droshos to write and no questions to be answered.
The only thing that mattered was that I had publicly shamed another Yid.
I looked at Chaim, and he looked at me.
Tears began to run down both our cheeks.
I walked over to his seat and hugged him.
I then did the only thing I could do.
I apologized.
Chaim said, “Rabbi, I cannot accept your apology.
Everyone who heard you ask, “You don’t know what lukshen kugel is?” still thinks I am an ignorant Baal Teshuva.
How can you make that go away?”
I looked at Chaim, and I looked inside myself.
“Chaim, you are correct; I can never take those words back.
Yet, please realize that I meant no harm and I am only human.
When I asked, “You really don’t know what lukshen kugel is-” I had joined the ranks of people much greater than me who made similar mistakes.”
Chaim quizzically looked at me.
“I am referring to the great Rav Dessler and the kneplach macher.
Chaim looked at me without comprehending what I was referring to.
I grabbed a book from my shelf and began to read the following story concerning Rav Dessler:
(The story appears in: Rav Dessler; by Yonoson Rosenblum; Mesorah Publications, Artscroll Series, 2000; page 305)
