The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Thursday the third of Iyar 5781 and April 15th 2021
"To Speak for those who have no voice.
To advocate for those who suffer in silence
To plead for those who have become disposable entities in the eyes of many."
S. called me at 1:45 AM.
Their 14-year-old daughter was just found unconscious on a street corner in Passaic.
She was rushed to the hospital and ended up spending 15 days in the psych ward.
Two weeks later, W. and her husband asked to please come over to my house.
It was in the middle of the pandemic strictest lockdown, and I met the parents on a frigid night on my deck, wearing two masks and sitting eight feet apart.
As I sat on my deck, tears soaked through my two masks as I listened in agony to the parent's narrative.
Their child, a former "A" student, socially stable, who enjoyed going to school, had not left his bedroom in weeks.
Last night his parents opened the door to his room, and his bed was empty.
As they called everyone they knew, it was two hours before one of their son's friends called to say that the boy was at a party and had passed out from drinking too much.
That night, the parents discovered used bottles of vodka under the bed of their 15-year-old Yeshiva Bachur.
These and much more are all actual incidents that have come to me during the pandemic.
I will not talk about the dozens of adults who have confided in me that they are now on anti-depressants and anxiety-relieving medication- there are just too many to count.
Many of these individuals do not respond well to teletherapy, and their depression and feelings of isolation have impacted the entire family unit in a destructive nature.
Across the country, the suicide rate has gone through the roof. It is reaching levels not seen in 30 years.
To give you a sampling from the two secular sources (although one reference is from the left and one on the right, yet, on this they concur):
WASHINGTON — More than 87,000 Americans died of drug overdoses over the 12-month period that ended in September, according to preliminary federal data, eclipsing the toll from any year since the opioid epidemic began in the 1990s.
The surge represents an increasingly urgent public health crisis, one that has drawn less attention and fewer resources while the nation has battled the coronavirus pandemic.
"Brendan Saloner, an associate professor at the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health who studies access to addiction treatment, said surveys that he and a colleague, Susan Sherman, conducted of drug users and people in treatment in 11 states during the pandemic found that many had used drugs more often during that time — and used them alone more often, likely because of lockdowns and social distancing."
"The best practice to reduce the risk of Covid is isolation," said Kristen Marshall, manager of the DOPE Project, a program of the National Harm Reduction Coalition that is funded by the city and oversees San Francisco's overdose prevention efforts. "Isolation is also the thing that puts people at the absolute highest risk of overdose death."
If in the country at large, the: "surge represents an increasingly urgent public health crisis, one that has drawn less attention and fewer resources…" I can assure you it has and will continue to draw less attention and fewer resources in the Orthodox community.
Frum Jews are very reticent to speak about anxiety and depression.
Even though in an article published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, the authors concluded that:
1. "Psychiatric literature over the past 100 years suggests that Jews are at higher risk for affective disorders than numbers of other religious groups."
2. "Jewish males had significantly higher rates of major depression than Catholics, Protestants, and all non-Jews combined."
3. " The results support the earlier reports that Jews have higher rates of depression."
Nevertheless, the stigma of open discussion about mental health in the Frum community remains in full strength.
And the (G-d forbid) admission that someone (especially a younger person) struggles with mental health remains verboten.
Yet, this is not an essay advocating for open discussion on the need for all of us to make our fellow Jews feel comfortable discussing their mental health issues.
Instead, it is an essay that pleads for empathy.
When considering the community's mental health and the toll social isolation and masking have taken on so many men, women, and children- most of who suffer in complete silence and secrecy- the issue is too often labeled irrelevant or, worse, it is mocked and ridiculed.
Those who are suffering in silence have no voice to advocate for them.
They cannot speak up for fear of becoming classified as "mentally unhealthy" by the community.
They live in fear of their secret pain being revealed to the outside world.
Especially with young people, every episode must remain repressed and ignored.
The reason? It is summed up in one word:
"Shidduchim"
If a young woman ended up in the psych ward, she now lives with the double burden of dealing with her mental health while simultaneously hiding it from the watchful eyes of Shadchanim and neighbors.
I am therefore speaking on behalf of those who have no voice.
I am advocating for those who feel alone, abandoned, and shamed.
Those who make bold pronouncements that all must be totally compliant to every nuance in the law (even if they have sometimes cut corners for their own needs)- without considering the needs of the silent sufferes are cruel and insensitive.
Yes, we must be vigilant in Covid.
Yes, the pandemic continues.
Yet, every day we extend isolation to be extra Machmir (strict) in pandemic regulations; we are being Meikel (lenient) in preventing suicide.
One person dies from suicide every 11 minutes in the United States.
Depression and suicide are linked, with an estimate that up to 60% of people who commit suicide have major depression.
"There are a variety of ways the pandemic has likely affected mental health, particularly with widespread social isolation … A broad body of research links social isolation and loneliness to both poor mental and physical health. The widespread experience of loneliness became a public health concern."
This essay does not advocate for an opening of the flood gates of non-compliance.
This essay does not advocate for non-masking or non-social distancing.
This essay does not claim the pandemic is over.
This essay makes no recommendations concerning policy; instead, it is an appeal to your Jewish heart.
It is a plea to those who are not qualified nor educated in both the science of pandemics and the science of mental health to please stop promulgating a one-sided course of action that ignores the issue of mental health.
It is a plea to please have empathy for those who suffer in silence.
I may not know the correct balance to strike, but I know that the consideration of the community's mental health must be a part of the solution.
Please, do what you think you must do to be safe.
However, before speaking out and before denouncing other opinions, at least know that it may be your son or daughter for whom I advocate.
“If Not Now, Then When?”- Hillel
Ron Yitzchok Eisenman
Rabbi, Congregation Ahavas Israel
Passaic, NJ
