Volume 03 | July 2019
Facebook Join My List Logo
Whoever said you can't wear sandals with Utilikilts, I dare you to tell that to these guys.
-1-
 Events
aka: please plan your summer shopping accordingly...
I know, I know...I'm a month behind in getting this newsletter out to you, so let's just jump right on in, shall we? No time to waste, and so much to tell you, and so precious many things to accomplish and already behinder I am....

We are in the heart of busy, busy season here at Utilikilts. Inventory has been bolstered during these months when we have hoards of skinny-jeans-wearing neophytes pouring through our doors in search of testicular ventilation, combined with the vast majority of you who prefer to do their summer shopping from the comfort of your air-conditioned living rooms, combined with multiple bags of kilts flying around the country to and from events every other week...that's alotta kilts!

While our wares are out there on the road especially, we can't guarantee which units will come back, so if you have a special occasion like an Autumn wedding or even some random disco party in the desert coming up (*cough cough*, sounds like Schmurning Schmann) may we make a suggestion: JUMP. ON. IT. NOW! Do NOT wait any longer. It's already almost the last minute to order your playa garb and if we don't have it in stock, we wont be able to sew it in time for your pilgrimage. We say this every year, but some of you need a little reminder. For Heaven's sake: don't get left in the dust with your pants on. Ugh!

San Diego Comic Con just happened (photos below) and Gen Con is well underway even as I write this. For what's next, check out the Events Roster. We've got some seriously elite crews manning these summer shows, so if you're in the neighborhood, get in there and show the kids some love.
-2-
Utilikilts Community
featuring Chris Gullick
Speaking of the elite: Chris is a long time Utilikiltarian- also know as the KiltedOG , moderator and omnipresent member of Facebook Group Brotherhood of the Kilt , and all around genuine human you'd want in your corner.

He posts daily videos on his socials performing 22 pushups in support of Veteran Suicide Awareness and never fails to remind us: "If you’re a Veteran in need and happen to stumble across this, please reach out: 1-800-273-8255 or text “connect” to 741741. Please don’t be a statistic." 

Chris sent in the following very personal essay commemorating his first--eventual life changing--experience in a kilt:

With all the “what was the first time you wore a kilt” and “why did try on on for the first time” talk, I figure I’d share my first Kilted picture and some advice: 

My very first time wearing a kilt: February 17th, 2013 in Seattle Washington, at the Utilikilts Flagship Store.

Why did I want a kilt, because back then (and I’m not gonna lie) , guys in kilts turned my crank and I want to be “that guy in the kilt”. I thought if I wore a kilt I’d be “more sexy”. 

As you can clearly see by this picture, I did NOT bring sexy back. 
I have no idea about my heritage, as I’ve never really done a family tree/genealogy study, plus I was adopted as a newborn. I’ve never done one of those DNA tests, However that may change as I’m 48 now, and I’d like to know my ancestry and DNA results. I just need to find a product/company to get a DNA test from. 
I don’t even remember if I actually wore the kilt out of the Utilikilts store. Honestly, I don’t think I did, as I didn’t want to be “judged” by people as we were walking back to the hotel. I was so freaked out about wearing it, I didn’t wear it again for 5 weeks after this picture was taken. 
Damn, I miss this kilt..... (I never should had sold it back) 
And this very short beard....(that short beard will be back soon) 
Who knew that just over six years later I’d be this crazy kilted guy who is just trying his hardest to make the world a better place. 
For those that don’t know, I started wearing kilts everyday on January 1st, 2017. 
My advice, don’t let your inner voices as well as others talk you out of ordering/wearing a kilt! 
If you haven’t purchased a kilt yet, my advice: purchase a kilt made in North America or Scotland. I know they are way more expensive than kilts made Pakistan or China and there are a bunch of kilt resellers out there...They are good business people, however, there is a HUGE difference in kilt quality and how the kilt fits and how the pleats move/react to the body moving. Yes I’ve owned Pakistani made kilts, I didn’t like the quality of the material used or the way they fit. It’s very true, you really do get what you pay for. 
I’m a fan of both “utility” style kilts and more traditional tartan (wool/PV) kilts. Both styles are awesome and serve their purpose with in the kilt world! 
Lastly, don’t let others tell you how to wear your kilt (except for the pleats, the pleats always go in the back), it’s your kilt, be you, and be awesome! 
Wear a sporran with a utility kilt, wear chucks with a tartan, wear boots with a tartan, I can’t believe I’m saying this: wear crocks with a kilt. Dress up, dress down, be formal, be comfortable. Wear a leather kilt, or a kilt made of denim, or even a kilt made of rubber. Wear flashes, don’t wear flashes, mix and match color palettes with kilt hose and the kilt. Wear a shirt, or don’t. Again, be you and be awesome! 

BE STRONG PUT A KILT ON! 

BE AWESOME PUT A KILT ON! 

BE FRAKIN FANTABULOUS PUT A KILT ON!
-3-
Guest Host
So far this summer we've hosted a handful of true blue Utilikiltarians who joined their forces with ours to preach the word of Un-bifurcated Freedom to the passers by of our Pioneer Square store.

Former UKOTM winner, Lance Kirkman joined by Pants-Wearer of the family / wife, Becky, kicked off the first weekend with their charm, good looks, and exquisite taste in artisan crafted cider. They are huge supporters of Seattle's local soccer/football team, and we planned to put the Sounders v. Dallas match on the telly...(we even registered for a 5-day free trial of youtube TV so we could watch it. Which reminds me, I really gotta remember to cancel that....) The game was delayed due to thunderstorms on the pitch, but no one seemed to mind: the beer was flowing and the pants were flyin'. Word on the street says they had such a good time, they will be back for to spend more of their free time at the store...
Joy and her man came in to the store just to ask for directions but ended up leaving with a Survival...
June's UKOTM winner Travis dragged his lovely family in to claim his winning kilt...
And Becky sized customers whilst demonstrating Utilikilts' built in theft deterrent device.
Next up we had KiltNation's very own Parks Plant, who flew up from So Cal to sling product and draw a crowd in front of the store. Chris Gullick (I told you he was everywhere) showed his face in solidarity and together they spent the day reeling in the tourists, drinking IPAs with customers, and distracting the Duck Boat Captains who have a hard enough time weaving through traffic on 1st Ave.

Parks has turned his daily kilt wearing into a lifestyle brand which he shows off at conventions, meetups, and Spartan Races, so it wasn't a stretch for him to work it, work it, work it at Utilikilts Mecca. If he lived here he'd be home now--or at least employed by us.
The summer days are still long, and the living is pretty easy around these parts. If you feel the spirit in you and wanna join us for a day of kilt slinging, beer drinking, freedom evangelizing, give us a shout! news@utilikilts.com, subject: Guest Host.

Our next guest in the lineup looks to be Brian Washburn (provided he didn't get lost at San Diego Comic Con)...Brian is a California Boy who won't mind me quoting him when he says: "Bring me the uninitiated and I'll have them hobbled, with their pants around their ankles, while being fitted with freedom!"
-4-
What are You Working On?
featuring TJ Anderson
We started this column with the sole intention of showcasing the side projects you brilliant-minded Utilikiltarians have cooking when you aren't hustling for the man or suing your supervisors after they send you home to change into pants.
TJ bought his first kilt from Uncle Otto waaaay back in the day, so he's been feeling our love for a good long time. He's a man who wears many hats: artist, limo driver, and most recently, head of the shipping department for his son's company, OleoLife, which makes the first and, thus far, only water soluble CBD powder.

TJ loves his job because can wear his Utilikilts and New Rocks to work (not necessarily something a limo driver could get away with) but mostly because he's busting with pride for his kid who helped develop the product's cutting edge micro-encapsulation process which makes the CBD more bio-accessible (that means easier for the body to absorb) than any other oil based options. Business has been booming for the company and TJ has been staying busy shipping their products to every US state, except Utah where they've got some weird regulations.

Oleo easily dissolves in hot or cold water and comes in a variety of yummy flavors. I can personally attest to its deliciousness because he sent me some to try and it's more refreshing than any icy cold glass of Liptons.

TJ wants everyone reading to know that the FDA hasn't officially acknowledged any health benefits for Oleo or any other CBD products (no big surprise there), but he has personally noticed his blood pressure plummet from a less than healthy 130/95 to a much groovier 110/76 with no other life changes than daily consumption of the low calorie, great tasing Oleo Extract, now available at your local Bartells! Try it today!
When TJ isn't stretching Oleo's shipping budget by giving out free samples of his son's product as bribes, he sometimes finds time to work on art projects like his online comic strip: The Adventures of Ava and Kiltman, an irreverent, not always kilt related, Gary Larson-esque peek into his world. TJ's also paints portraits; we featured his work at the Utilikilts store back in the day when we had guest artists in for first Thursday Art Walks. Thanks for sharing your talents with us, TJ!
If you, too, have a project you're proud of and want to share with the rest of the Utiliclan (we know you do, and we know you aren't shy), send it our way! This isn’t a contest and it’s definitely not some "Fund Me Platform". There’s no prize ‘cause that’s not what this is about. This is about showing the rest of us what drives you, because doggone it, you deserve some recognition. Send us an email and some photos and tell us:
WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON!?
-5- 
Journeys with Jay
Jay just got back from Alaska and suddenly he’s a freaking expert on humpback whales. Do you know what a bubble net is? You do now if you know Jay.

Some friends of his were going up for a yoga retreat in Ketchikan and he tagged along because he’s always wanted to go to Alaska. Ketchikan is only a 90 minute flight from Seattle and it’s usually only about ten degrees cooler at any time. And it’s way wetter. In Seattle it rains about 36 inches a year. Ketchikan is actually in the largest temperate rain forest on Earth and it rains over 160 inches a year!

He and his friends spent a couple days in Ketchikan proper, dodging the cruise ship tourists and finding the coolest dive bars- the Arctic Bar, the Asylum, the Sourdough and the Potlatch. When he went into the Sourdough by himself for a nightcap, some drunk fisherman came over to where he was sitting and yelled, “Hey asshole! You can’t just walk in here in your kilt and your beautiful hair (pats him on the head) and sit over here by yourself! You’re gonna come sit with me and I’m gonna buy you drinks! My name’s Darryl.”
They also went and checked out a couple of awesome totem pole parks. The Ketchikan area is home to the Tlingit tribe who made the totem pole that sits just out front of our store in Pioneer Square.

In 1889, a group of Seattle city leaders went up to the Tinglit village to buy a totem pole to plant in Pioneer Square so they could use it to promote tourism, even though the Seattle area Native Americans didn’t make totems. When they got there they discovered the men were all out fishing so they just picked out the biggest one, a beautiful totem made to honor a Tlingit woman named Chief-of-All-Woman who had drowned, and gave a crew member $2.50 to chop it down, even though he busted it up pretty good.

They set it up in Pioneer Square and used it in promoting Seattle’s 1909 World’s Fair. In 1938 somebody set in on fire so they brought it back up to the Tlingits who graciously made the replica that sits there today.

Jay and his friends stayed at a fishing lodge on an island about 15 miles off of Ketchikan. They had bunch of 16’ skiffs they could use at any time and went out exploring every day. One of the biggest reasons Jay went up there was to see some whales and if you’ve ever talked to him about whales he’s told you how he’s NEVER SEEN A FUCKING WHALE, even though he’s lived here for over twenty years and people are always seeing them in Elliott Bay or on the ferries.

He’ll tell you about the time he had a lady friend from Boston come out for a visit and they went up to Victoria, BC for a weekend. He had to stay in town for an extra day so she went up ahead of him on the Victoria Clipper and they had to stop the ferry ‘cause they got surrounded by a pod of orcas! On her second day in Seattle!! Sonofabitch, right?!?

Anyway, Jay and friends were getting back to the lodge when somebody said that humpbacks were spotted just on the other side of the island so they raced around to see if they could see them.

Sure enough, they spotted what appeared to be four humpbacks. As they got a little a little closer they saw that the whales were doing bubble nets, which is when the whales circle around a school of herring and make a ring of bubbles to herd the fish and then come up from underneath and gorge on them.

Jay swears he was just drifting along and he had no idea where the whales were gonna surface because there’s rules about getting too close. He was even going over his defense when bubbles started to appear. Herring started jumping and he and Laura, Karen and Peggy watched as the mouths of four humpback whales came out of the water as they grabbed all the fish they could.

They were about 100 yards away (which, coincidently is the distance you are legally allowed to be) even though he says it felt more like about twenty feet. But you can’t trust everything Jay says. 
-6-
Utilikiltarian of the Month!
Mr July:
Dustin Parks
"Okay, we'll do it this way," Says Dustin.
Mr August:
Scotland Noonan
When Scotland goes on a trip, he always thinks: "Alpaca Kilt!"
Mr September:
Dennis Crane
If guys who drive big trucks are overcompensating for something, what's that say about Dennis?
To see our winners' complete interviews and the dynamite photos that won them each a free kilt, check 'em out here! And if you submitted but didn't win, have no fear! We keep all your entries archived, so a future win may still be yours.

To enter the UKOTM contest for yourself, fill out the form!
I've gotta wrap this up now before it's time for me to publish another edition. October is just around the corner, after all. In the meantime, keep in touch and continue to share any photos, stories, antics, and adventures whilst rocking your Utilikilts for us to showcase.

From all of us here in Seattle, Happy Summer!