Hello to our wonderful subscribers. I hope this note finds you all healthy and sane. It goes without saying that this time has been very difficult for everyone, although our sacrifices have been unique and even unfair (some have had to make multiple accommodations resulting in multiplying consequences) everyone is feeling some form of pain, loss, and anxiety. Now is not the time for blame. Now is not the time for judgment. I know it is tempting to shame others when we think that they are not doing as much as we are or putting others at risk. We all need the empathy to allow others to make their own choices based on their values and individual situations.
Take good care of you and assume everyone else’s positive intent.
That brings me to this month’s topic: optimism versus reality testing. Some of you recognize that these are two of the skills measured on the
EQi 2.0
. Optimism is defined as, “An indicator of one’s positive attitude and outlook on life. It involves remaining hopeful and resilient, despite occasional setbacks.” Like the other EQ skills, too much optimism can hurt us as much as too little optimism. The counterbalance to optimism is reality testing, defined as, “The capacity to remain objective by seeing things as they really are. This capacity involves recognizing when emotions or personal bias can cause one to be less objective.” We like to use the analogy of the kite and the string. Optimism allows us to float in the blue sky and reality testing connects us back to the ground. Too much reality testing and we won’t let out enough string to fly, too little and we allow the kite to disappear into space. We need a healthy balance.
It seems like reality testing is dominating our thoughts right now. The risk is real. The images we see are haunting our thoughts. Our
amygdala’s
are in overdrive, sensing threats all around us from the tomatoes at the grocery store just touched by another patron, to the person walking too close to us on the hiking trail, to the family member you think hasn’t washed their hands enough. Reality testing whispers in our ear that anyone (and everyone) can get sick and die. We all know that every time we get in a car, we risk being killed in an accident, but our optimism tells us the odds are low enough not to worry so we don’t really think about it.
Things are different with this
. If we look at the
published
numbers, as of 4/19/2020 we have 770,000 positive cases of COVID19 in the US out of 328 million residents.
Due to limited testing, it is likely that more people are or have been infected and never tested. If we double the number to 1.4m, that means
99.54% of people in this country don’t have it
.
Does that mean I can treat this lightly or disregard all precautions of infection transfer? Heck no. Reality testing pounds on optimism, “41,000 people have lost their lives, how dare you be positive right now?!” One death from a contagious disease is too many and my amygdala reminds me that I could be next. So goes the constant battle going on in our minds. Isn’t it possible to have both?
- Can I be a responsible citizen and limit my interactions with others while at the same time remind myself and my loved ones that our odds of dying still remain very low?
- Can I celebrate good news like declining hospitalization rates while still diligently cleaning my doorknobs with Clorox every day?
- Can we cautiously return to some normalcy while still being diligent to not take unnecessary risk?
YES!
Let’s all work hard to maintain this balance so we can stay safe while managing our anxiety.
Steve and I filmed a short (5 minute) video on this topic if you’d like to check it out.
Stay well!
