The Value of Civil Discourse, Without and Within

Explore Self-Assumptions in Coaching

Recently, I encountered an Inside Higher Ed article entitled "How One College Helps Students Navigate Civil Discourse," which describes how a senior seminar at Kalamazoo College invites students to challenge assumptions about others and find common ground. The article describes how civil discourse is framed and taught as a skill that builds mutual understanding, respect, and even optimism. Professor Justin Berry, who teaches the Kalamazoo course, notes that misperceptions and being "sorted...in our media chambers" contribute to a lack of connection. 

As I read the article and explored its links to related initiatives at the University of Denver and CUNY, I began to think that the idea of civil discourse might have value in the context of an individual's inner dialogue. Over and over again, I meet students who have bought in to negative, demotivating stories about themselves as learners, performers, and people. Whatever the origins of these stories — simple (one source) or complex (combined sources), within (self-doubt) or without (societal, parental, professorial messaging) — the stories themselves are powerful and polarized, often driving the dismissal of contrary positive opinions. What if students were invited to try civil discourse with their inner critic? What if a coach could represent a different, more productive opinion through acting as a "believing mirror?" 

When you notice a coachee limiting themselves through misperceptions and assumptions, here is one way to bring in civil discourse:

• Share a reflection of what you've heard the coachee say about themselves.
• Ask them to describe any limiting viewpoints they may hold, and if they'd like, to unpack their sources.
• Invite the coachee to share what a positive and productive viewpoint of themselves might look like, even if they consider it aspirational. 
• Put up your "believing mirror" by sharing your own observations about the coachee's strengths, skills, and wins.
• Ask the coachee to consider: How might these viewpoints have a conversation? What could be useful from each one? Where could they find common ground? How might a more realistic, respectful, and optimistic picture be created from engaging with both viewpoints?

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