Terry McGill is the person who had the most significant spiritual influence in my life. Terry was not a priest, author, philosopher, artist, musician, teacher, therapist, or spiritual director. He was the last person anyone would think of as the type who could make a spiritual impact on another living soul. Terry was a hardworking, Vietnam veteran and was also a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. What made Terry unique was his authenticity, and he used his spiritual gift to help others.
When I was a young man, I found myself in the grips of alcoholism and drug addiction. Thankfully, I have been sober since 1987 and my brief time with Terry was the key that opened the door to the rest of my life.
Terry led a recovery group helping young adults learn to live a sober life. Through God's grace, I was in this group, and my life has never been the same since.
He led our small group like no other I have ever experienced. We shared our struggles and victories, and we all felt our weekly meetings helped us immensely. Eventually, we trusted each other enough to dig deep and share, in an honest way, our perception of God's activity in our lives. Terry's leadership worked because he was an authentic person. He got every single one of us to open up and become vulnerable. This group had an extraordinary effect on me, and I am still close friends with several of them.
Terry's life as a young adult was tragic. He was lost as a young man, rebelled against authority, drank a lot and dropped out of school when he was a junior in high school. As soon as he turned eighteen, he was drafted into the Vietnam war and saw heavy combat. While in Vietnam, Terry started using drugs and later became addicted to heroin. After his service in Vietnam, he continued to struggle with his addiction, and floated around the country doing odd jobs and barely getting by. Eventually, Terry ended up on the streets with no money, no family, and no place to call home. Somehow he survived on the streets for three years before he landed in an emergency room almost dead, but Terry was able to detox. Through God's grace, he ended up in a state-run treatment center/halfway house which successfully started Terry on his road to recovery.
Terry relinquished his hard turtle shell and allowed others to help him. After many years of living close to death and doing things his way, Terry decided he had nothing to lose and might as well listen to others who were not dying, drug-addicted, trying to steal from him, or wanted to kill him. Terry realized his willingness to follow God was all he had. In fact, Terry was not sure of where sobriety would lead. But nowhere else to go, he gave up his resistance to getting help and miraculously realized living in a relationship with God was a pretty good deal. It was much better than his hell on earth, or his certain death.
When I met Terry, he was in his sixties, and he had been clean and sober for over fifteen years. Terry's remarkable story and his extraordinary group leadership made what I am about to share possible. It was his simple action which opened my eyes and heart ever so slightly making space for God in my life.
In my twenties, I was searching for meaning and trying to find my way. I spent a year in weekly meetings with Terry's group. But as with all things; our time together came to an end. Unfortunately, after I moved back to my hometown, I began reverting to my old mindset and losing my perspective. I was still sober, but I was having a difficult time finding my way, and I became angry at God. My life seemed very different than how I thought it should be. I could not deal with my vulnerability as a person. I was afraid I was not good enough to be valuable to any future employer, girlfriend or wife. I was hiding from others, and from myself. Most importantly, I was hiding from God. I did not believe I had any value to God. It was as if I was curled up in that hard turtle shell and was not letting anyone peek inside.
Two years later, I was attending an AA convention in Shreveport. I was sitting in the lobby of the hotel, and I distinctly remember I was feeling anxious and afraid. I was in no mood to talk with another living creature. My self-esteem was low, and I did not feel worthy to do much of anything. It was a dark time for me.
I remember getting up from my chair in the hotel lobby, turning around the corner, and unexpectedly, Terry was standing right in front of me. Terry noticed me first, looked me in the eye and while saying my name enthusiastically, gave me a great big hug without giving me a chance to back away or turn to my side.
I will never forget that hug from Terry. It was as if I was a dragon, a greedy, tight, puny and confused dragon. And when Terry hugged me, my scales were washed away. Through a simple hug, Terry reminded me I was a beloved child of God. That remarkable, genuine hug from my friend has stayed with me to this day.
Terry and his hug were the mustard seeds which started me on my spiritual journey. I firmly believe God, through Terry McGill, laid the foundation eventually leading me to the priesthood thirteen years later. Sadly, he passed on to his greater reward some time ago. May his soul and the souls of all the departed rest in peace. God bl
ess Terry McGill!
