Hello Linda,
Perhaps it is the wisdom of my unconscious mind, and not a coincidence, that my theme on Mother's Day is knowing when to quit.
I think it's the hardest part of parenting. When is it time to intervene and when is it time to say, "I'm here when you want to talk" and leave it at that? It doesn't really matter if your child is 2 or 52; sometimes you should help and sometimes you should step away and let them figure it out. You have to decide which is which.
Our free workshop this week is on the flight response to stress. Generally, we think about this as "I just can't stand another minute of this" or "I need to get away" or "I can't face it." It's a strange mix of self-doubt and self-preservation.
Many people in self-development will tell you that fear is "false evidence appearing real" or something like that. It is true that fear often exaggerates risk. It's also true that risk is real and that flight can be a good response to a bad situation. I have read that self-defence training often involves knowing that if you feel you shouldn't walk down a dark street alone, you should get off of that street.
I've also read that Navy Seals are trained to change the whole team's actions if only one person has an instinct that flight is necessary. These are not people treating fear as false. They are courageous people committed to getting a result who would rather risk being wrong than risk lives.
For people in responsibility, whether parents or managers, the trick is distinguishing between the times to stay on the sidelines and the times to get involved. They don't quit because it's easy. They step back because it's the right thing to do.
Maybe flight needs a reframe as the "get yourself out of danger" response to stress. And maybe it has something to teach us about the "lead by standing back" approach to growing good people. . .
Happy weekend everyone,
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