Our 22nd Anniversary!
On September 3rd, 2000, Ryan and I opened a Yahoo Group and posted this very first message: "I am the mother of an awesome 10-year-old donor child. I know that he has at least 3 donor siblings and would love to contact them. We are looking for Donor #1058 from the California Cryobank. I hope that this board will serve others looking for their children's (or their own) siblings." We had no idea if anyone would ever join the group, or if there were other donor-conceived people, donors, or parents out there also wanting to know about their own or their child's biological relatives. ~ Wendy
Today: 81,475 Members
& 22,850 People Matched!
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2022 Counseling Book
Published by Ethics Press, this guide will be of interest to therapists, counselors, psychologists, sociologists, physicians, and other mental health professionals who may encounter this topic in their specific settings with patients who have a variety of presenting problems, as well as professionals in the reproductive medicine industry.
A few people have asked if this guide would be helpful for donors, parents, or donor-conceived people. Yes! I wish someone would have given me this type of guide years ago so that I could have more context for the different ways that donors, parents, and donor-conceived people respond to so many different situations. Understanding the layers of emotional depth and the specific challenges that all stakeholders might face is very helpful when maneuvering through your own personal journey.
2022 Counseling Webinars/Training
We're so excited to be presenting the material from the new book to psychology and counseling associations! Contact Wendy if you're interested in private or group sessions.
ARGENTINA
June 7th: Sociedad Argentina de Psicología en Reproducción Humana Asistida, Argentina: A conference for psychologists in training in assisted reproduction. A 1-hour webinar.
CANADA
August 16th: The Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA)
Counselling Donor Family Members: A Webinar for Mental Health Professionals
This half-day webinar will be available to watch on the CCPA website and is approved for 3 Continuing Education Credits
USA
November 9: The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy: "Systemic Family Therapy Conference". A 1-hour webinar.
2023 Counseling Webinars/Training
March: American Association of Behavior and Social Sciences: Counseling Donor Family Members.
Jewish Fertility Foundation Podcasts
FRUITFUL & MULTIPLYING WITH THE JEWISH FERTILITY FOUNDATION
"Today we had the incredible experience of meeting Wendy Kramer, the Co-Founder and Director of the Donor Sibling Registry. Wendy shares her personal journey to becoming a single parent to her donor-conceived son, Ryan, and why they decided to found the DSR together in 2000.
Wendy explains how the Registry works (it’s so easy!) and the importance of ensuring that donors and parents have access to one another. SHE reminds us that there is no such thing as anonymity so honesty and openness with our children are always best. Have a listen, reach out with questions, and stay tuned for many more webinars to come featuring Wendy and her family!" (https://jewishfertilityfoundation.org/)
September 2022: Finding and Redefining Family on the Donor Sibling Registry. Featuring Wendy Kramer, Ryan Kramer, and one of Ryan's (23) half siblings, Jami Zangwill.
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7/2022 Published paper in Human Reproduction:
Dana R. Siegel, Jeanelle Sheeder, Wendy Kramer, Cassandra Roeca
Human Reproduction, pp. 1–8, 2022 https://doi.org/10.1093/humrep/deac169
9/2022 Attachment Research: The Donor Sibling Registry is (again!) partnering with Dr. Elizabeth B. Lozano, an Assistant Professor from California Northstate University, who is currently recruiting for a two-part study involving donor-conceived adults. The purpose of this research is to better understand attachment, lie detection, and betrayal in donor-conceived people. We want to know about your experience as an adult (over-18) donor-conceived (DC) person so that we can better assist individuals and families.
Approximately 200 donor-conceived people will be recruited to take part in a two-part 1-hour study; they will first respond to demographic questions, perform a lie detection task, and complete a self-report measure of attachment. They will then be asked to complete a semi-structured interview asking them various questions about themselves, the discovery of their donor-conception, and their close relationships. We hope that the results of this study will provide insight into how we can better understand and improve the well-being of donor-conceived individuals and their families. Watch for our September email and social media posts for the link to participate: you could win an Amazon Gift Card!
10/2022: Egg Donor Research, a collaboration with the University of Illinois at Chicago Dept. of Population Health Nursing Science/ Dept. of Obstetrics & Gynecology. Our partners will be presenting our abstract, A MIXED-METHODS EVALUATION OF EGG DONORS’ PHYSICAL, PSYCHOSOCIAL, AND DISCLOSURE EXPERIENCES POST-DONATION at the ASRM 2022 Scientific Congress & Expo in October. Additionally, this abstract was selected as the NPG (the Nurses' Professional Group of ASRM.) Prize Paper Winner!
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The Psychology Today blog presents a great opportunity to introduce donor family issues to mental health professionals and to the general public.
- Donor families are unique in some ways yet also very common.
- Many donor family issues have not yet been properly addressed by the mental health community.
- It is important to create and support happy, healthy, and informed donor families.
- Henry the "Impotent" and more!
- Terminology indicates how we define our relationships.
- Language in donor conception is always evolving.
- Listening to how donor-conceived people define their donor family relationships is crucial.
- The only-parent experience is frequently quite different from a single-parent experience.
- Sperm banks sell around 50% of their sperm to solo single women.
- Solo parenting is 24/7 and 365 days a year.
- There are some positives to being an only parent.
- What will the use of donor gametes mean to you, your family, and to your future child?
- Donor-conceived people desire to know about their ancestry, medical history, and close genetic relatives.
- Some parents are reluctant to tell their kids that they were conceived with donor gametes. For decades, physicians advised them not to.
- Parents can start this dialogue when their children are preverbal so that it becomes an integrated part of a donor child’s identity.
- Telling is just the first step; the conversations on the heels of disclosure are extremely important.
- Research demonstrates that parents and donors are not adequately counseled before using a donor or donating.
- Parents and donors cannot make fully-informed decisions and choices affecting their families' lives without adequate counseling.
- The choices parents and donors make today will affect them and their children (and potentially other family members) for decades to come.
- Selling sperm or eggs is much more than a financial transaction with a sperm bank or egg facility.
- Sharing and updating medical information is crucial.
- Gamete vendors do not keep, nor are they required to keep, accurate records of live births or of medical issues.
- Many donor-conceived people are curious about their close genetic relatives.
The bill prohibits gamete vendors in the state of Colorado, and out-of-state gamete vendors selling gametes to Colorado recipients from being permitted to facilitate an anonymous donation.
But....all sperm (and most) eggs are sold as anonymous, be it for 18 years or forever. And anonymity can no longer be promised or mandated for 18 years. (This has been the case since 2005.) Why continue to perpetuate the deception of 18 years of anonymity?
And...nothing changes for the millions of donor-conceived people already born or for those who will be born in the next 3 years. We won’t know if anything has really changed until the year 2043 when the first affected donor children turn 18.
The bill states that any donor will be required to consent to the release of their medical history when any donor-conceived person, conceived using that donor’s gametes, reaches the age of 18.
But... since the advent of sperm banks, and for many decades now, families have been receiving self-reported non-identifying medical information from donors on their donor profiles. It's a snapshot of one day in the life of a healthy young donor. This bill doesn’t mandate collecting, updating, or sharing new medical information. So what changes?
The bill stops egg and sperm banks from permitting more than 25 family recipients for any given donor’s gametes. For counting purposes, the 25 families are based on “live births,” do not limit a family from additional siblings, and do not count family-to-family embryo donation.
But...how? You can’t set “limits” until there is accurate record keeping, which doesn’t exist and can not without mandatory birth reporting. Facilities do not know how many children are born from any one donor. Many egg and sperm donors donate to more than one clinic.
So, who will mandate, oversee, or pay for the new accurate record-keeping?
The answer: no one.
LGBTQ Outreach
June 2022: We had a booth at the Boulder County Pride event in Colorado.
Upcoming Podcasts:
September: Jewish Fertility Foundation
July: Lecture: The European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE): New Study of 529 Donor-Conceived Adults: Does how and when a donor-conceived person (DCP) learns about their conception significantly affect their experiences and choices, including whether they’d consider using a donor or donating their own gametes.
May: Infertility Unfiltered virtual meeting.
May: The Disclosure Experiences of Egg Donors Across the Lifespan. Research Abstract. Presented at the American College of Nurse-Midwives (ACNM) Conference.
March: Midwest Nursing Research Society (MNRS) Conference. The Psychosocial and Physical Experiences of Egg Donors Across the Lifespan. Student Research Poster.
March: University of Colorado Law School Guest lecturer: Bioethics and the Law class.
January: Training with Conceivabilities staff about continuing to connect their egg donors and parents right from pregnancy/birth on the DSR.
January: British Fertility Society Annual Conference: we presented our research on adult donor-conceived people.
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April 2022: New documentary: 23andMe. The culminating product of First Colonial's Legal Studies Academy senior project of Cam Dunkerly. This documentary highlights the lack of regulation and legislation in the anonymous sperm donation industry. We hear from Cam's siblings and his donor. Featuring an interview with The Donor Sibling Registry founder Wendy Kramer!
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August 2022 from a former egg donor: "These are two of my donor kids from my first donation in 2004. Imara was born in 2005 and Jackson was born in 2007. I joined DSR in June this year and Imara happened to as well. She had been searching for me since she found out they were DC two years ago. I’m so thankful for the DSR for making it possible to connect. I’ve enjoyed getting to know them and they have been communicating with my personal children too. I look forward to attending Imara’s HS graduation in May 2023 and meeting them personally."
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Many egg donor agencies and clinics write the Donor Sibling Registry right into their contracts/agreements so that recipient parents and donors have access to each other right from pregnancy/birth. You can request this!
●CONTACT: The issue of contact between the donor and the recipient is removed from the hands and focus of the agency/clinic.
●CONSENT: Since the DSR relies on mutual consent contact; the agency/clinic doesn’t need to be worried about protecting anyone’s privacy or incur the costs of tracking communication between donors and parents.
●CHOICE: Each party can remain private if they choose, so the decision is ultimately in the hands of those involved. Each party can decide the depth and breadth of the information they’re comfortable sharing.
●CURRENT: The sharing and updating of current medical information happen on the DSR, so the agency/clinic has less work since they have provided a tool for medical updates.
●EMPOWER: Parents and donors are empowered to set the parameters of their own relationships, without a middleman, and without having to wait18 years. Donor-conceived people have the opportunity to establish relationships with their genetic mothers/fathers while they are developing, not having to wait until they are adults.
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Your Family: A Donor Kid’s Story is a sweet and light-hearted picture book that answers the question "where did I come from?” and then gently introduces the concepts of half siblings and donors in an open and honest way. The book starts with the parent’s desire to have a baby, the use of a donor, and then broaches the topic of half siblings and biological parents/donors. A perfect book for (the millions of) donor-conceived children to learn about how they were conceived and for understanding that being curious about their unknown genetic origins and relatives is natural.
Just as there are many family types, there are also many ways to define a child’s family and their donor relatives. Reading this book with your young donor-conceived child can initiate or supplement important and ongoing dialog about these genetic connections. These early conversations are integral for creating a happy and healthy donor child and family.
"Your Family gives children born from egg or sperm donation a chance to see themselves reflected in a positive informative and accessible story. Most importantly this book will help families who have used reproductive technology to explain complex concepts to their children while giving them vital information about themselves and how they came to be. Here’s a book that is relatable and will allow children to feel proud of their special story."
—Susan Frankel, MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and mother to a donor-conceived daughter
"A lovely book for children who were conceived with donor sperm or egg. Parents in all kinds of families will find it very helpful in explaining their child’s conception story in a gentle simple and positive way."
—Jane Mattes, L.C.S.W., psychotherapist and Founder/Director of Single Mothers by Choice
"Having worked with Wendy Kramer for many years I know her organization Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) is valuable to the LGBTQ parenting community. We’ve published family stories that talk about how DSR has brought joy to not just the half siblings discovering each other but to their gay parents as well. Kramer’s children’s book Your Family: A Donor Kid’s Story is an important contribution to the LGBTQ community and a great addition to the homes of all parents with donor-conceived children."
—Angeline Acain, publisher and editor, Gay Parent Magazine
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Donor Family Matters: My Story of Raising a Profoundly Gifted Donor-Conceived Child, Redefining Family, and Building the Donor Sibling Registry
The story of Wendy Kramer and her donor-conceived child, Ryan, who eventually found his biological father and 19 half-siblings. Wendy and Ryan created the Donor Sibling Registry, the world’s largest platform for mutual-consent contact of sperm, egg, and embryo donors, donor-conceived children and adults, and their parents.
Educate the child. Raise him or her without biases of any kind. Teach him or her to trust in others but to rely on self. Instill in him or her a sense of humor and the ability to enjoy life.”
Penned on a sperm bank intake form, these words of advice from Donor 1058 to the future recipients of his donations became a parental motto for one particular recipient, Wendy Kramer, who would go on to found the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR). With almost 75,000 members in 105 countries, the DSR is the world’s largest platform for sperm, egg, and embryo donors, donor-conceived children and adults, and their parents to connect and share information through mutual-consent contact. In her role with the DSR, Wendy has become a leading advocate for donor families and for reformation of the modern profit-driven donor conception industry.
This is the story of Wendy’s journey as the mother of a donor-conceived profoundly gifted child, Ryan, whose relentless curiosity — under the tenacious guidance and support of his mother — eventually led to his reunion against all odds not only with his biological father, Donor 1058, but also with 19 of his donor-conceived half-siblings scattered across the continent. Their experience — like the experience of so many of the Donor Sibling Registry’s members — illustrates how this brave new world of donor conception is stretching our understanding of the evolving nature and possibilities of “family.” This memoir, written with warmth and humor by Wendy herself, reminds us with story after story that there are few things more fundamental than the human need to know where we come from, nor more beautiful than the triumph of truth over shame.
"Wendy Kramer’s memoir — like Wendy Kramer herself — is invaluable, lucid, engaging, and full of wisdom. This book is a gift." —Dani Shapiro, donor-conceived offspring and author of Inheritance
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Finding Our Families: A First of-Its-Kind Book for Donor-Conceived People and their Families
Millions of people have been born with the help of donor sperm or eggs, including Wendy Kramer’s son. Realizing the unique concerns of being or parenting a donor-conceived child, Kramer launched what would become the world’s largest database for connecting donor-conceived people, the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR).
Finding Our Families provides additional support for this growing community. With compassion and insight, the authors draw on extensive research to address situations families face throughout a donor-conceived child’s development, including the search for a biological parent or half-sibling and how to forge a healthy self-image.
"Finding Our Families is a treasure trove of compassionate advice designed to help those raising the more than an estimated million people who were conceived using so-called donor* sperm, the tens of thousands whose lives began with eggs of contributors, and thousands who were "adopted" frozen embryos, as well as the donors.
The 258-page book compiled by Wendy Kramer, the mother of a donor-conceived son, and Naomi Cahn, family and reproductive law professor, helps blood-related kin navigate relationships unthought-of generations ago. The book offers how-to search assistance and suggests ways for the legal, social, and nurturing family to open their hearts and minds to those who contributed eggs, sperm, or embryos in addition to welcoming siblings who share the same or half genealogy." —March 2015 Huffington Post book review by Mirah Riben
"The book successfully honors its promise to deliver the tools necessary to help donor-conceived children discover and explore their genetic legacies.” —October 2013 Publishers Weekly review
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LGBTQ FAMILIES
The DSR welcomes and supports all those in the LGBTQ community as you're around a third of all DSR families and are represented in the DSR's Board of Directors.
The DSR had a booth at the Boulder County Pride event in June!
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Donor Sibling Registry www.donorsiblingregistry.com
wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com
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