Greetings!
Most people think conflict resolution is just agreeing on something and moving forward? Well not exactly...
This month, I thought it might be helpful to share some frameworks for how to think holistically about conflict resolution.
There are many, many models, but I appreciate the exploration in the book, The Dynamics of Conflict (Bernard Mayer, 2012, pgs 126-135.) The following is a synopsis...
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Genuine resolution of complex conflicts requires
COGNITIVE, EMOTIONAL, and BEHAVIORAL resolution.
A. Cognitive Resolution
- People ultimately change their essential view of the folks with whom they are in conflict, the nature of the conflict, or the issue itself. At that point, a long-lasting type of resolution is possible.
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(In other words: Now that I see you or this issue in a fundamentally different way, I can see possibilities for moving forward.)
B. Emotional Resolution
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“One of the best clues as to the degree of emotional resolution we experience in a conflict is the amount of emotional energy we continue to put into it. If we can continue to spend a great deal of time thinking about a conflict, cannot discuss it without considerable emotional intensity, or need significant amount of ongoing support to cope with the emotional aftermath, we have clearly not reached much resolution along this dimension.”
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The process of achieving emotional resolution includes making sure the parties feel accepted and respected, addressing and affirming their emotional experience; encouraging folks to express their needs; and giving them a genuine choice about whether to even move towards resolution.
- Keep in mind that emotional resolution is a delicate process. Even if those in conflict experience a degree of emotional closure, a subsequent event or interaction can reawaken those strong feelings.
- (In other words: You can't force emotional resolution. Be present, listen intently and respectfully, affirm their experience, and let them/their needs be the guide.)
C. Behavioral Resolution
- Behavioral resolution is essentially what people will or will not do and the agreement they make around this. Behavioral resolution has two aspects: discontinuing the conflict behavior and instituting actions that promote resolution.
- (In other words: Stop fighting AND implement a new way of interacting with one another. )
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So Genesis, what do you want me to do with
this technical information?
Two things.
- When you're trying to understand a conflict (or in one) what type of resolution are you looking for?
- Understand that sometimes the barriers to finding solutions aren't because people disagree about the issue itself, it's because they are each looking for a different type of resolution. One person wants to talk it out, the other just wants the behavior to stop and move on. Often. folks agree on the goal, just not which path to get there. Acknowledging that shared goal can provide real relief and keep people motivated to move forward.
Mediators work hard to understand conflicts on multiple planes
and help people better articulate their needs and values
so that we can bring them together.
If you, your family, or your workplace needs support to
resolve important issues,
