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It’s July. It’s hot. You need some crash blossoms.
Defined as "those train wrecks of newspaper headlines that lead us down the garden path to end up against a wall, scratching our head and wondering what on earth the subeditor might possibly have been thinking."
Some of these depend on noun/verb equivalents, others on misplaced modifiers, etc. All can be called ";infelicitously worded" headlines. Most may be contrived rather than historically real, but there are still
quite a few enjoyable ones. Boldfaced some favorites:
Blind Bishop Appointed To See
L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal by Landslide
Patient At Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin
Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
Autos Killing 110 a Day - Let's Resolve to Do Better
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
Flaming Toilet Seat Causes Evacuation at High School
Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Collegians are Turning to Vegetables
Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Eye Drops off Shelf
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves
After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Heat Wave Linked to Temperatures
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Include your Children When Baking Cookies
Infertility Unlikely To Be Passed On
Jerk Injures Neck, Wins Award
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Lack of Brains Hinders Research
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty
Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Man Jumps Off Bridge. Neither Jumper nor Body Found
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
New Vaccine may Contain Rabies
Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Putting Mattress On Floor Prevents Fall From Bed
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered by Men
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
War Dims Hope for Peace
Woman Improving After Fatal Crash
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