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CAUTION ! – If her name is not Harriet, or if you did not meet her in the evening, make the necessary changes before sending. Zelda will not look upon your suit with favor if you address her as Harriet…
So, Harriet (or whatever) – he has finally gotten the guts to speak up! Remember, play it cool…
“Sir, In answer to your flattering letter, I must beg leave to remind you that in giving you permission to address my beloved parents on the subject of your attachment to me, such permission must not be understood as implying a reciprocity of feeling. That I may not incur the charge of cruelty from one whom, I must acknowledge, I at present have no ordinary esteem, I shall, with the permission of my parents, feel much pleasure in a continuation of your society; but with regard to the success of your present enterprise, time and circumstances alone must determine.”
CAUTION ! – Remember, Harriet etc, that while He is an adult and a legal free agent, You are chattel and a legal minor until marriage. While He may address you by your first name (as he would a child), You may not address him that way until the engagement is official, if even then. And although this proposal may make your heart sing, ‘no ordinary esteem’ is as far as you dare go. Sounding too pleased or eager will make you seem, well, immodest (if you get my drift).
Or…. WORST CASE SCENARIO, Harriet etc! Maybe the letter was not so welcome after all. The Man of Your Dreams still has cold feet, but that blackguard who has been stalking you all Season has proposed! He may be a cad and a bounder, but You are the one with a Reputation to lose. Nip this in the bud before it can go too far. Go right ahead – overwhelm him with that fatal reply!
“Sir, In reply to the letter you have done me the honor of writing, I must beg permission to decline your addresses in the most decided manner; at the same time I return you my thanks for your good opinion of me, and assure you that I shall ever bear a proper remembrance of it. Trusting you will suffer your natural good sense to conquer a passion which can never meet a due return from me, Harriet (or, perhaps, Zelda).”
And it doesn’t stop there. Assuming that Harriet/Zelda and [Your-Name-Here] do get together, there are also sample letters for the Ardent Suitor to address the Respected Father on the subject of marriage to his Esteemed Daughter, the Respected Father to accept A.S. – or reject him, both options included. If Ardent Suitor changes his mind, there is a letter to break off the engagement (“I feel assured that our marriage would be productive of mutual misery…”)
There are sample letters for a Husband to write to his Wife (should this highly-literate courtship reach a successful conclusion); letters from Son to Father (and vice-versa), on that ever-popular subject of needing more money at school; letters to friends, letters to business associates, letters of introduction – all here!
If you play your cards right, you need never write an original, heart-felt word again!
Gloria Polizzotti Greis is the Executive Director of the Needham History Center & Museum. For more information, please see our website at www.needhamhistory.org.
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