Self Portrait
By Michael Esson
Michael Esson is a student at MCW-Milwaukee
I wish they could look beyond your mysterious smile,
And see through your unflinching eyes.
Can they see what hides behind your mask?
Beyond it lies secrets,
Protected by a lonely heart in the middle of nowhere.
Perhaps I will tell you my secret,
Or maybe there isn’t one to tell, and
I just need your love and affection.
For my confessions,
The price is, you.
Tears in my eyes, stuck somewhere between sleep and enlightenment,
scrambling to write to you, as if
My very essence relies on it.
In the middle of my sleep, I awoken
Under the blanket of darkness, I frantically feel around for a pen and paper.
My hope is that this secret never becomes,
So, I decide to write to you in the consoles of darkness alone.
My hope was for these thoughts to be mine alone,
Locked in the vault of my mind, never for you to see
Silent as the glow of darkness, never for you to hear
How selfish.
As I write this, there is a slitter of light peeking through my blue curtains,
As if attempting to quietly steal a glimpse at this note,
And rob you of the knowledge that lies within every falling tear.
But the tears pouring through this ink is guarded,
like valuable jewels in its vault,
never to be unlocked.
how selfish.
Under the warmth of darkness,
I continue to write in the hopes that this note, unlike the others, reaches you
Stuck somewhere between magic and heartbreak.
If this note finds its way to you,
I wonder what you will think of me.
Will you say I was strong for giving you a piece of myself,
Or that I’m a coward, like the slitter of light that is now retreating,
Undoubtedly acknowledging defeat.
Will you say I was caring,
That I thought of you enough and like a thief in the night,
Swiftly wrote this note so I wouldn’t forget you.
Or will you say I was cruel,
because I saw you when you were stuck,
afraid of the light that now invades my privacy and kisses my cheeks,
I ignored you.
how selfish.
My fear is that this note will find its way to you,
And I will not be enough for you,
you will continue to pry at my revelation,
dissecting me into pieces,
searching for more,
until you find, you.
For all the times you are not enough,
The secret will be in your smile,
As true as the melodies of a songbird,
The same smile you once hid.
It’s in your magnetic energy,
Which attracts without force,
The same energy that almost consumed you.
It’s in the way you move,
moving only to the beat of your heart,
the same gated heart protecting you from no one.
It’s in your eyes,
for your eyes only.
