FOCUS: Borderline Personality Disorder 

EDITION: June 2024

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Have you ever been taken aback by someone’s sudden emotional changes, or found yourself walking on eggshells around a loved one because you couldn’t predict their mood from one moment to the next? These experiences may be familiar to those living with or around a loved one (parent/sibling.co-worker/friend/boss/partner/ with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).


As a family therapist, I’ve observed the challenges faced by individuals displaying signs of BPD, though it’s crucial to note that I am not in a position to diagnose this complex psychiatric condition. My role allows me to recognize symptoms and support families in navigating their complexities, always with the goal of guiding those affected towards seeking expert evaluation from psychologists and psychiatrists.



People with BPD often experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves and their relationships. Their feelings for others can quickly swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike, contributing to unstable relationships and significant emotional pain. They may live in constant fear of instability and abandonment, making everyday interactions fraught with potential for misunderstanding and distress. From their perspective, the world is a series of black and white encounters...


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"On the Border"


One of my patients with BPD wrote and produced this song, capturing what it’s like to live with the condition.

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Navigating the Complexity of BPD Relationships: “I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me” and “Walking on Eggshells”

Relationships where one person has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often involve complex emotional dynamics that can leave spouses and family members feeling bewildered and drained. The recurring themes of “I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me” and “walking on eggshells” capture the essence of the challenges faced by loved ones.


Why These Dynamics Occur

The phrase “I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me” reflects a deep-seated fear of abandonment that many people with BPD experience, combined with intense emotional turmoil. This fear can lead to seemingly contradictory behaviors where the individual with BPD might push their loved ones away with hostile or hurtful behavior, yet simultaneously fear and dread their departure.


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Early Signs and Developmental Aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

This comprehensive overview aims to clarify the intertwined experiences of fear, rejection, and cautiousness in relationships affected by BPD, providing insight and practical advice for those living with these challenging dynamics.


Understanding how Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) begins and how it may present during childhood can help in early detection and intervention, potentially mitigating some of the disorder’s impacts later in life. Here’s an overview that explores the early signs and developmental aspects of BPD.



The Onset of Borderline Personality Disorder: Early Signs and Development

Borderline Personality Disorder typically manifests during adolescence or early adulthood, but signs can occasionally appear earlier in childhood. 


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Early Signs and Developmental Aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Responding effectively to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be challenging due to the intense emotions and unstable behaviors often involved. However, certain strategies can improve communication, reduce conflict, and support a healthier relationship. Here are some practical tips for interacting with a person who has BPD:


1. Stay Calm and Consistent

Remain calm: When emotions run high, it’s vital to remain calm. Your steadiness can help de-escalate the situation.

Consistency is key: Try to be consistent in your words and actions. Consistency provides a sense of stability and predictability, which can be comforting to someone with BPD.



2. Validate Their Feelings

Acknowledge their feelings: Even if you do not agree with the reasons, acknowledging the person’s feelings can be incredibly validating. 


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RECOMMENDED BOOKS & AUDIO:

Audible Audiobook:


Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner


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Audible Audiobook:


The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder


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Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Communicate and Support Loved Ones With BPD. Skills to Manage Intense Emotions & Improve Your Relationship


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Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): The Ultimate Guide to Caring and Loving Someone with BPD 


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Find More Recommended Books

Understanding borderline personality disorder: Celebrities dealing with BPD

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VIDEOS ON BPD:

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Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.

I want each person I work with to know they do have a voice, and by becoming accountable, they can change their lives for the better.
CRT, CCDC, CACC
Life Coach & Counselor
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