Understanding Our Young Athletes: Part 2

Exposure, Overprotection, and the Timeline of Growing Up

Our culture of technology, social media, and pop culture has hit the fast-forward button on childhood. If the creators knew when they were building the internet that 1/3 of the users would be children, would they have designed it the same way? Kids are exposed to explicit content, including violence, crime, racism, sexism, self-harm, etc., and recent research shows that, on average, children are first exposed to online porn between the ages of 8 and 9. The mature content and increased knowledge of the world at a young age added to the relentless pop culture messaging around what’s desirable, all on top of the constant self-presentation social media demands to prove your coolness and desirability, inevitably enroll our youth in the perpetual race to adulthood. If you think your kids are not specifically involved or engaged in the social media/pop culture-driven society and, therefore, immune to its effects, think again. The air we breathe is laden with the beliefs, ideals, and expectations of our modern-day culture – if they are breathing in the air, they are under its influence.  

On the flip side of growing up too fast, another body of research is simultaneously telling us that our kids are in no hurry to grow up, that adulting seems hard, and they want to put off taking on that responsibility for as long as they can. Overprotection has become the norm, and kids are grateful for their parents taking care of them (perhaps both physically and financially). They get to enjoy the perks of being a kid for longer than any generation before them. Recent studies show adolescents are working less, spending less time on homework, drinking less, driving later, and going out less. This begs the question, what are they doing? As you may have guessed, the answer lies in the previous paragraph – in that little omnipresent device that’s become an extension of their physical body and their personhood. So now we have a generation of youth that want to be grown up, but don’t want to have to behave grown up. 

If we refer back to our new knowledge of neurobiology and the development of the brain, we know that the brain requires experience to shape it. If we’re not giving our teenagers meaningful responsibilities, allowing them to grapple with real-world situations, pushing them to make their own decisions, and be the major agents in solving their own problems, we are denying them the profound experiences that will shape the wiring in their brains. We think we are protecting them from harm when in reality, we are robbing them of the vital (and possibly unpleasant) experiences that will shape their brains and result in well-adapted, productive, and fulfilled adults. If our teenagers are spending much of this critical time on their phones, computers, tablets, social media platforms, etc., we need to ask ourselves, what are the experiences that are shaping their brains? 

Expectations and the Social Climate

Our culture demands social relevance. If you’re not in, you’re way out. Talking about peer pressure the way we used to doesn’t work anymore because it no longer exists as a single force acting upon a given decision. It is simply the water our teenagers are splashing around in. Technology allows them to be immersed in the soup 24/7. While some of the pressure our young people feel is real, and some of it is perceived, the pressure they feel to maintain relevance is making them push boundaries while relaxing their own boundaries. To effectively help our teenagers learn to better navigate their world, we need to let go of seeing all of their behavior and mistakes as a personal reflection and reunderstand their actions in the context of their environment. Our children did not choose to be born into the Kingdom of Snapchat.

I will keep my note short on social media’s contribution to the slim-fitting gender straight jackets, but in a conversation around society’s expectations of our young people, we have to go there. Our teens are in constant competition to prove and perform their gender and their sexuality, always engaged in the wicked social game of avoiding shame and feeling like they’re “enough.” For males, we limit the emotional spectrum to anger and stoicism, while for females, we grant emotional freedom but ensure they complete compliance training that enforces ideas like, speak your mind, but be kind while you do it; be assertive, but don’t be a bitch; be strong, but not too big or too loud; chase your dreams, but remember your role in this world; etc. Those that don’t fit within our rigid binary structures around gender and sexuality are left wondering, Where do I fit? How do I perform? What’s acceptable and allowed for me in this world? The perpetually performative society social media creates also imposes norms around what bodies are supposed to look like, who’s voices are allowed to share which ideas, and even what type of commentary, judgment, criticism, and disparagement we are expected to shower each other with. 

Athletes face unique performative pressures centered around their athleticness. Just as young people adopt gender as an identity that they then have to work a lifetime to perform and prove, they adopt “athlete” as an identity in the same way. This leaves them in an unforgiving situation where they perform and maintain this identity through achievement. When the results aren’t coming, they lose the white-knuckled grasp on the identity they thought they had, and often we see their feelings of worth as a human being plummet. They are living in a space where there is no separation between their doing and their being. Imagine the pressure. [More to come on this in a future iteration.]

Since we know that feeling the need to belong is so much of what shapes the teenage experience, the question then becomes, how can we encourage our youth to show up as themselves and stand up for what they know is right (scientifically termed social courage) in a world that demands relevance as a prerequisite to happiness? How can we help them understand that whatever backlash they may face when they show up and stand up is not about them? How can we teach them that it’s okay to be strong in their convictions and they are strong enough to survive the potential consequence of being alone? It’s our job to help unveil the pressures they’re bathed in, so they can take the criticism, meanness, exclusion, and rigidly drawn boxes of rightness and desirability less personally. It’s our job to accept our kids unconditionally, listen with the goal of understanding, give them the space and support to develop and nurture what makes them uniquely them, let them know we’re their ally, and make sure we’re sending the message they are enough. 

Wrapping It Up: Parts 1 & 2

Our adolescents have been blessed with a slow to develop PFC, which presents challenges in decision making, self-regulation, and managing impulsivity. We may be prone to shake our heads when we witness their proclivity towards risk-taking and novelty-seeking behaviors, when we see them become contortionists as they try to fit themselves into all the “right” places, and when we have the opportunity to experience first-hand the depth and expansiveness of those gigantic emotions. Now put these biological tendencies evolution has set them up for on an amplified stage created by social media and pop culture. It’s no wonder we’re struggling to understand the young adults emerging from a world of shocking amounts of screen time, unfettered exposure, and a social expectation that pressures them into performing socially prescribed desirable identities at all times. 

Our kids need us to step up and step forward with them into their fast-paced world that has so much to offer in terms of connection, learning, advocacy, and opportunity, so they don’t get swallowed up by the dark side we know is out there. We have the opportunity to create an experience in sport that offers something different – play, real friendship and community, diversity, acceptance, the effort-laden pursuit of a goal, adversity, and the quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement – real, meaningful learning experiences. It’s more than an opportunity; it’s our responsibility. 

* * Check out the attached worksheet for an opportunity to look inwards and take matters into your own hands. [Link to document here]

References (and Resources You Should Also Check Out!)

• Cindy Pierce – www.cindy-pierce.com (Social Sexuality Educator - check out her full body of work)
• Center for Humane Technology – www.humanetech.com (highly recommend their podcast: Your Undivided Attention)
• Jean Twenge – iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood (and What This Means for the Rest of Us)
• Lisa Feldman Barrett – Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain
• Robert Sapolsky – Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst

Elle Gilbert, M.A., CMPC 

M.A., Sport & Performance Psychology

Certified Mental Performance Consultant

Stratton Mountain School Mental Performance Specialist

Equipped to Excel: Sport & Performance Psychology Consulting