FOCUS: Mean Girls
EDITION: October 2023
Girls hurt girls. Mean girls dig deep into another girl’s soul as if they are ripping it out with their bare hands, smiling and gathering up the troops to observe the pain and misery they proudly wear as a badge of honor.

Sadly, I have heard way too many stories from little girls, teen girls, and women who have been emotionally damaged by another female. Emotions run high in my office and far too many times, these emotions stem from another female.

We have all experienced or witnessed The Mean Girls Phenomenon. The idea that girls are mean and boys are typically not is a stereotype, and it’s important to recognize that it doesn’t always accurately represent the full spectrum of human behavior, but it is a thing, trust me.

Mean or hurtful behavior can be exhibited by individuals of any gender, and it’s not inherent to one gender over another. However, there may be some cultural and social factors that contribute to the perception of these stereotypes:

  1. Socialization: From a young age, yep, childhood again. Boys and girls can be socialized differently. Girls may be encouraged to be more relational and empathetic, while boys may be taught to be more assertive and competitive. These socialization processes can influence how individuals express their emotions or engage in conflict. Yes, this is a learned behavior.
  2. Expression of Emotions: Girls may be more encouraged to express their emotions openly, which could include both positive and negative emotions. Boys, on the other hand, may be socialized to suppress and mask certain emotions, including vulnerability and sadness, which might make it seem like they are less “mean.” God forbid a boy cry!!!

My previous article deals with Understanding the ‘Mean Girl’ Mentality. But, what do you do when it is YOUR child that is the mean girl?  Yes, your darling daughter can be the one who is mean.

If you become aware that your female child is displaying mean or hurtful behavior towards others, it’s essential to address the issue promptly and constructively. Other than ship her off or whoop her ass, here are some steps parents can take when their child is mean to others:

Open Communication:

  • Start by having an open and non-confrontational conversation with your child. Ask them about their behavior and listen carefully to what they have to say. Avoid immediately blaming or judging them. Let her talk. Generally, kids will hand themselves if you allow them to talk. Use comments like, “I am confused, describe again what happened”.

Empathy and Perspective-Taking:

  • Help your child understand how their actions may have affected others. Encourage empathy and perspective-taking by asking questions like, “How do you think the other person felt when you did that?” Many times, the child is defending themselves, feels threatened, or is jealous of the child.

RECOMMENDED PODCASTS
Parent Footprint Podcast: No More Mean Girls

Hosted by Dr. Dan
Special Guest: Katie Hurley

Dr. Dan welcomes psychotherapist Katie Hurley LCSW to the podcast today for a provocative discussion of the mean girl culture,  how we can raise strong girls, and the release of her book No More Mean Girls, now available in paperback. 


Cat & Nat Podcast:
Why Do Mean Girls Have Power?

Hosted by @catandnatunfiltered

What is it that makes mean girls have power over other girls? Mean girls orchestrate a lot of what is going on in the schools. Even television and movies perpetuate this thinking. We need to change the conversation for our girls. Being mean does not equal being powerful. We also chat about the competitive nature of kids sports and how parents are often the driving force behind the competitiveness. There are even secret teams that parents organize, outside of the league. And trust us, not everyone is invited.

Mastermind Parenting Podcast:
Middle School Mean Girls

Hosted by Randi Rubenstein

Sometimes parents struggle with an issue that’s so damn relatable, we can’t help but share it. If you’ve lived through the middle school years, you’ve probably seen your kid struggle with changing social dynamics, and rejection by kids who used to be their friends. It’s not only heartbreaking to watch, but our instinct to protect often only makes things worse. The key to helping them through this emotionally challenging stage of life is helping them face it on their terms.

Find More Recommended Podcasts
RECOMMENDED BOOKS
Talking with Your Daughter About Best Friends and Mean Girls: Discovering God's Plan for Making Good Friendship Choices


A Girl's Guide to Best Friends and Mean Girls (True Girl) 


No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls 


And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School 

by Judith Warner

Find More Recommended Books
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Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.

I want each person I work with to know they do have a voice, and by becoming accountable, they can change their lives for the better.
CRT, CCDC, CACC
Life Coach & Counselor
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