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Many who receive these letters have faithfully prayed for us personally and for the ministry God called us to carry out. We appreciate your friendship, your support, and your prayers very much. Thank you!
I have held back the urge to compose this letter for some time. In fact, it was in my heart to communicate this to you many months ago. But the Lord kept holding me back until now.
I’m cognizant that all of us have needs and concerns, especially as we grow older and knowing that I had written several times specifically asking for prayer in the weeks leading up to Melanie’s surgery in 2021, I just simply didn’t want to overburden any of you. Though God has been with us every step of the way in what has seemed like a slow-motion disaster of sorts, I’m bothered that I haven’t updated you sooner but I simply have not felt the release to do so.
Our ministry board, the local church we are attached to, and some individuals in close proximity to us have been kept apprised and are aware of the details I’m about to share with you here. What a comfort it has been to have these faithful friends and partners as a continual source of counsel and strength standing with us. Looking back and realizing the many changes we’ve been through, it has been tremendous how God orchestrated and connected us to a core of Believers during these days and I am grateful.
This is perhaps the most in-depth email update I have ever produced. However, as you approach the end of this writing, I trust you will understand how important the content may be for you or others. Please share it as you see fit.
MELANIE’S TRAVAIL
I have written about these first events (outlined below) in past updates but to recap just a bit, some of you will remember that after searching for an answer concerning the severe stomach/intestinal pain Melanie was experiencing back in 2017, it was determined that she had contracted the H. Pylori (Helicobacter) stomach bacteria. After several rounds of what was really sickening medication designed to eliminate the bacteria, Melanie was declared free of the infection and was cleared to travel to Israel as we were scheduled to lead a tour of about forty folks in November of 2018. All went well while we were in the Holy Land but upon returning home, she immediately contracted the flu and as the holidays progressed it was evident that the abdominal pain she was beginning to experience had nothing to do with either the flu or H. Pylori but something even more serious.
In 2019, we found ourselves once again looking for answers visiting several doctors in the process. That search continued for more than 18 months. Experiencing the frustration of several procedures, tests, and incorrect diagnoses we were both weary and Melanie was still in pain each day yet with no resolution to the mysterious problem. Finally, we were recommended to a skilled surgeon who determined correctly that the issue was diverticulitis* which was essentially hidden from being detected in multiple CT scans by a bend in Melanie’s large intestine. (Along the way, we discovered that she was born with a considerably longer large intestine than a person her size needs.)
Then, in March of 2021, Melanie underwent the same surgery that colon cancer patients often experience having about two inches of her large intestine removed that the diverticulitis had destroyed. The operation was a success and again, we picked back up just rejoicing that her pain issue was solved as she recovered. Of course, we didn’t yet know what challenges were in store for us ahead but just continued to trust God to guide us and order our steps (Psalm 37:23).
THE LATEST TRIAL
One morning during the first week of February 2022 I walked into our bedroom to find Melanie just holding the TV remote with the bewildered look on her face. She looked up and said “I'm not sure what to do.” I quickly understood that she was indicating she was confused about which buttons on the remote controlled what functions. It was immediately concerning because that lady understands those buttons!
At first, I thought she just might be groggy from sleep. Nothing else seemed out of place. We had baked bread the evening before, had retired relatively early, and there’d been no previous indication of any issues. But within a short time, I became fully aware that indeed all was not well.
As the afternoon progressed, Melanie asked me what day it was and then the most frightening question yet was when she asked if her parents were still living. Her mom and dad had passed away in 2011 and 13 – her mother passing from full-blown Alzheimer's and her father with significant dementia - and Melanie had been intricately involved in planning both funerals and dealing with all of the emotions and challenges. Also, I conducted both of their funerals.
Over the next few hours, I researched and read, searching for answers. One comfort I found was that there is no such thing as "instant onset dementia." Previous to the event that took place concerning the TV remote on that Tuesday morning, Melanie had not displayed any signs of mental decline. But now my sweetheart was lost in some sort of fog. I did a pretty good job of holding it all inside but I was quietly freaking out which of course is exactly what Satan wanted for me. After watching both of her parent’s mental decline and caretaking for her father in our home before his passing, I couldn’t help but wonder if my worst fears were coming to pass. That day was unquestionably one of the worst days of my life.
The next afternoon I was able to reach Melanie’s doctor and discussed the situation with her. The doctor advised me to take Melanie to the hospital emergency room and explain to them the things I had told her. Just going to the emergency room can be a disconcerting experience but thankfully it wasn't very busy and we were seen right away. As the attending doctor checked us in and I explained to him what the situation was he remarked, "this sounds like a UTI." I suddenly gasped out loud and exclaimed "why didn't I see that!?" I explained that Melanie's father had experienced urinary tract infections with great regularity due to the fact of having his bladder removed many years earlier.
As the night progressed the hospital staff confirmed that Melanie was experiencing one of the worst UTIs they had treated and that she was also dehydrated. She wasn't complaining about any discomfort and I just hadn't noticed that she wasn't drinking very much water (a condition that can result in a UTI). After 5 ½ hours there, I remember the relief I felt as we drove home from the hospital thinking that we finally knew what was happening and after doing more research I learned that most people come right back to normal from this kind of event.
Just like many of you, I had never before heard that a UTI could affect memory and block a person’s ability to recall and think. Probably half or more of the people who I've had occasion to speak with about this have been shocked as well. Who could reason that urinary tract health could so adversely interfere with brain function? (One doctor, from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles who specializes in research on this problem stated that brain function being impaired by UTIs is a growing “epidemic” among baby-boomers right now.)
After a week-long round of antibiotics, I kept watching for signs and talking with Melanie but honestly the brain is an unsure science and as advanced as medicine is in some areas it is still one of the genuine mysteries of human life.
To this day Melanie is still not “back” so to speak. Along the way however she’s been under the care of a neurologist and I've done much reading and even more praying but we still have no conclusions and certainly no conclusion to Melanie’s ongoing confusion. Thankfully, her condition is no worse but she has also not improved.
WHAT’S IT BEEN LIKE?
Just to illustrate a bit… When we are in conversation, Melanie is able to function normally unless something comes up that requires her to recall events. She is particularly incapable of recalling when an event occurred over time. I am grateful that on the first day this began that she didn’t react to me saying “Who are you and where’s my husband?!?!” She knows and recalls everyone in our family.
Seriously, I’m so very glad that she is the same sweet and kind woman as always and I also need to say that she has never complained throughout this entire ordeal. The same was true about her bouts with H. Pylori and diverticulitis and the many related issues she’s experienced beginning in the late 1980’s since first showing signs of what we now understand to be the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. She is resilient and full of faith and all these afflictions have not left her discouraged or bitter.
If the occasion arose, we could travel and do just about anything we want to do but she still may ask me questions about something that she experienced personally or lived through but cannot recall.
I guess I’ve been preparing for what we're experiencing now. Cooking and cleaning have never been my strong suit (wow is that an understatement). But through Mel’s bouts with H. Pylori and diverticulitis I had been gearing up for what’s happening presently - though I didn’t know it - and my kitchen skills have branched out from just using a microwave (who, me?).
Our oldest granddaughter, Kaylee, who just turned 28, lives with us and has been a terrific help and blessing, even though she works full-time and is starting her own business. Melanie had always been a wonderful cook and homemaker and a great partner to me in the ministry. Thankfully, she had helped mentor Kaylee in the kitchen as she was growing up. Now, as stretched thin as we may be, our home is definitely a team effort between us and our two rescue dogs.
WHAT HAVE I LEARNED THROUGH IT ALL?
If a person has lived for long, we learn that life’s events literally shape us in unexpected ways. Be they for good or not, we often don’t see these twists and turns coming – whether they are of our own making or completely out of our control. It is important that I explain what happened to me as this chapter of Melanie’s health challenges unfolded. Please keep reading.
First, when all of this transpired it was just after the Covid 19 shutdown and I was busy gearing up to begin traveling full-time once again.
But now, with the situation calling for me to stay closer to home, I’ve been allowed the blessing and privilege of closely caring for Melanie and serving her. In fact, had all of these things not happened I may have never had the opportunity to spend the amount of time that I am now able to with this treasure who is my wife. Understand, I’m out preaching some and I’m looking forward to some conferences and churches that I’m scheduled to speak for this spring. I’m also busy in other aspects of ministry so I’m hardly looking for something to keep busy with but I’m intrinsically aware of where I am physically most needed as I am going to enumerate here. It is certain that God isn’t finished with our ministry mission as of yet. That’s obvious from the way He’s brought in support from our donors and from unexpected sources to see our needs met.
Two days after the initial event with the TV remote took place, I was sitting in the very seat I'm sitting in right now in our living room at about 3:00am in the morning. I was praying and weeping. At that moment I was literally crying out to God for answers and I remember saying to the Lord, "this just isn't fair! Melanie’s been through so much.” I lamented, ”Will we even be able to reminisce about our family, where we traveled to minister, and the lives we’ve been able to touch?" (Keep in mind, this was before I knew that what was afflicting Mel was a result of a UTI.)
As I sat here and wept before the Lord that morning, I began proclaiming the marriage vows – something I hadn’t planned to do and that I don’t recall ever doing during prayer before. Through my tears I reminded God that I had made the promise “till death do us part” and I repeated this several times. I can't explain it other than by a sovereign act of God but I know something restorative took place inside of me in those moments.
I have always been driven to accomplish the projects or tasks that are before me and I've endeavored to be diligent about it especially during my years in the ministry. I guess I'm just a “type A” personality and my days were always outlined by what needed to be done or what I believed I had to do. However, during those moments sitting here in the silence of my front room, God begin to show me gently but unequivocally that my priorities had not been right. I didn’t hear a voice but I knew inside that God was speaking and I needed to listen carefully.
Before, if someone would have asked me to list my priorities in life, I would have answered correctly or at least said what I knew to be true.
Our life priorities should be:
- God first
- Spouse and Family next
- Ministry next
- My desires somewhere after that
Of course, the love for my wife and family is or should be second only to God in my priorities. But that simply wasn't the case as things had played out. By my actions my priorities were always what I had to do (usually for the ministry) instead of prioritizing what was best for those around me that I claimed to love so much. Like many of us, my lips would have said one thing but in reality, what I did in deeds just didn’t match.
I don’t think I understood or realized that I was also convoluting time spent in service to the ministry with time spent with God. They are or should be completely different but with our fast-paced lives I didn’t or couldn’t recognize what I was allowing to have happen.
At some point in my tears that morning, I told God that regardless of all else - including what it may cost me - I would do whatever Melanie needed to my best ability every day for the rest of our lives. Though I didn’t see it clearly that night, I’ve thought about it a great deal since. The fact is that our marriage was simply on cruise control and we’d been living together but separated by our own personal priorities including our individual obligations to the ministry. Without even realizing what had transpired, we had both allowed the dedication to our work to become our “god.” This fact became a frightening thought. How had I allowed God to be transposed into something that had started out to be a vehicle to deliver His Word?
It's hard to put into words exactly what took place inside my heart over about an hour that early morning but when I went to bed, I knew something had broken and changed inside me. I didn’t yet understand all of what it meant but the Lord was in the process of rearranging the way I thought and the way I conducted myself, the things I said and the things I did in my everyday life – and it all hinged on the reordering of my priorities. In no uncertain terms God convicted me that on this earth I must decrease (to quote John the Baptist from John 3:30) and that I have no choice but to relinquish my grip and acquiesce to God. For me to give up control of my priorities would have been impossible in my flesh but in that moment - and every moment since - nothing else truly matters except being in line with where God wants me for each day and seeing Melanie healed, restored and made whole again. This is a dramatic change from the pecking order of the priorities in my life from just minutes earlier. Frankly, it was all accomplished in a gentle yet dynamic supernatural encounter as only God Himself can orchestrate.
I would never want my sweet wife to go through anything like she's experienced just to see me changed and revolutionized. But that's exactly what has taken place and my resolve remains unwavering. Yes, I'm still focused on the various aspects of the ministry and God has allowed me some pure insight and understanding about what I should enact and put in place. But it all looks and feels different as I keep my priorities in view. Most importantly is that in a very dramatic way God has reconnected Melanie and me with a depth that I simply can't explain. That might sound over the top to some people but I don't know how else to say it. It's also interesting that though we have always been “in love” I can honestly say that both of us have been affected by what happened that early morning. Whether it was just me saying and also displaying the fact that I had experienced a real, tangible change inside or not, she has responded to it and with all that's been going on we would both say independent of one another that the power of God's love to freshly draw us together has brought the best out in us at a very unusual and unsuspecting time.
MY HOPE IS…
In writing this I am slowly figuring out how to express what took place in me for the benefit of others that those who need to reprioritize their lives won't wait until some dramatic life-changing scenario takes place like it did for me. If you know things just aren’t right and that your priorities are amiss the best time to evaluate things is right now.
In a conversation some time ago I remarked to my friend Dr. David Reagan** that there are bound to be many, many men and women who also need to examine their priorities and get the right perspective of what is really important in this life. If you are one of them, I encourage you to evaluate your outlook and to make certain that your words and actions really do harmonize. If God is speaking to your heart, and you respond to His direction, I’ll praise God along with you.
In short, Melanie and I are going on with life and ministry. No, things are not the same but I know that God is more in control than ever before and that the last chapter of our mission in life and ministry hasn’t yet been written.
Again, my final advice is this. Don’t wait until it’s too late to examine your heart and life. What and who is number one to you? God is always at work in His quest to reshape us into the image He desires. Let’s surrender daily to His will and get our priorities in His order. Nothing short of that will really do.
One last note, in early fall this year Melanie again had more challenges. After a couple of days with double vision (and another late-night at the hospital) Melanie was diagnosed with “Third Nerve Palsy,” a synching malfunction of the third nerve coming out of the brain stem that controls the motion of the eyes. Besides praying for a full recovery of her brain’s ability to reconnect thoughts and memories and seeing Melanie free from the long-lasting effects of the 2022 UTI, please pray that the palsy she’s now experiencing is healed. Thank you very much and God bless you!
* Diverticulitis is a gastrointestinal disease that occurs when pouches in the lining of the large intestine become inflamed or infected.
** The testimony of Eric and Melanie Barger is featured in Dr. David Reagan’s new book, The Life-Changing Power of Jesus. Get your copy at: https://lamblionresources.com/purchase/life-changing-power-of-jesus-the.
Read or Download Eric and Melanie’s powerful testimony at https://ericbarger.com/rock.html.
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