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Everyone is familiar with the children’s books where you compose a picture by connecting the numbered dots. Following the sequence, the scrambled image soon takes the form of an identifiable object. What once seemed incomprehensible takes on a familiarity and confusion becomes understandable, leaving you free to bring it to life with color and then move on to the next picture.
In the quest for healing from a past abortion, each person has their own “Connect the Dots’ book. A woman may overreact to people, places, things, or smells in the here and now because they are subconscious reminders of her past abortion. If these connectors are not identified, life can be a roller coaster ride, with anger, fear, resentment, anxiety, and other emotions triggered by the past, directing the course of the present the future.
Each person has their own personal connectors depending on their experience of abortion, but many share common connectors. A few common connectors may include:
- Abortion anniversary date
- Pregnant women
- Pregnancy due dates
- Babies
- Controlling people
- Being out of control
- Fear of abandonment
- Vacuum cleaners
- Doctors/nurses
- Indecisiveness
- Intimacy
Many women are aware they are overreacting but can’t explain the cause, sometimes leading them to conclude that they must be crazy. They have no idea that what is happening is a direct result of abortion. Once they are able to identify their personal abortion connectors, they can step back and examine their feelings before they react to situations. The connecting dots will make up the picture and the power of the emotions can then be dealt with in the right context, within the abortion experience, instead of impacting current situations.
Losing Your Way
Sally was a college girl I saw for post abortion counseling. She would visit me weekly from her college campus. When the summer break came, she returned home with plans to resume counseling in the fall.
Sometime during the summer Sally felt a need to come in and decided to make the trip to New York to see me. By the time she got to the office she was frazzled and overcome with fear and anxiety. Her emotions were near hysteria, she was crying and in a state of panic, certainly not fitting the present situation.
Sally had gotten lost and was overreacting to a situation easily rectified for most people. Upon further discussion I found out she had gotten lost on her way to the clinic the day of her abortion. Getting lost was a major connector for her.
Keep that Carriage Away from Me
Mary went into a rage every time she saw a baby carriage or a baby. She stated that she became so angry that she was often afraid of what she would do.
When her brother and his wife were expecting their first child, she went out of her way to try to avoid any situation where she would have to be with them. Of course, they did not understand why and this damaged their relationship.
Even a walk in the city had become a painful event. Babies and carriages were connectors for Mary. Once Mary entered counseling, she was able to work through the anger she felt regarding her own abortion. She was then free to be able to enjoy her family again, including her new niece.
No Mayo Please
As a teenager, I was pressured into an unwanted abortion. After hiding my pregnancy for over four months I found myself undergoing a saline abortion. For those not familiar with the saline abortion procedure, your abdomen is injected with a saline solution. This causes your unborn child to burn to death and you go into labor, eventually giving birth to a dead baby. My son was dumped into a large plastic jar marked “3A”. The jar resembled a mayonnaise jar, only on a much larger scale.
While working at a restaurant years later, I experienced great anxiety every time I needed to go into the walk-in refrigerator, but was completely unaware why. It was not until years later during my own healing that I understood. The jars used for salad dressing in the refrigerator were a major abortion connector for me because they resembled the jar in which my son was placed. Once identified, the jar connector lost its power over me.
Composing the Picture
Abortion connectors can take many forms. They can be certain clothes, smells, resemblances of people involved, feelings of abandonment or rejection, certain music, or even waiting in line. Identifying personal connectors make the picture of post abortion reactions understandable.
Informing family members and friends that know of the abortion experience of your connectors will enable them to help when your reactions to the present do not fit the situation at hand, thus providing the opportunity to work through the real issues.
A good post abortion program or mental health professional can work with you to identify your personal connectors, and give you the tools you need to heal effectively.
Most importantly, as these connectors surface and are brought to consciousness, their power will diminish, bringing a new freedom and hope and renewed ability to enjoy life again.
For resources and further information please stop by the PRC office Mon-Thurs 10 – 5, Fridays by appt.
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