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During a recent visit, our son, Jeremy, and our sixteen-year-old granddaughter, Chloe, joined us on our screened porch for breakfast. A devotion I read spurred Chloe to share a time when something very difficult in her life birthed something beautiful. With her permission, I share this with you.
Chloe began her story by telling us, “When I was in elementary school, I was one of the most popular kids in the school. I had lots of friends and all my teachers liked me. But all that changed when I began middle school in the sixth grade. That was a really hard time for me.”
Chloe continued, “My two good friends weren’t in any of my classes or my lunch period. I didn’t know anyone and I had a hard time making new friends. Although this was tough for me, band class was an awful experience. In this class, there was a group of boys seated near me. Every day, they would wait for me to take my seat. Then, they would spew hateful words as they repeatedly told me I was ugly, stupid and fat. My teacher didn’t seem to like me either. I felt like he picked on me in front of the class.”
My heart ached for my granddaughter as she recounted this painful experience. As a result of the consistent torment, Chloe withdrew into herself, just trying to blend in to avoid being hurt. Chloe further explained that one bright spot during this time was the encouraging notes and attention she received from an older girl in the school. A group of older students had volunteered to serve as welcome ambassadors to some of the new middle schoolers. The kind words Chloe received from her mentor helped Chloe to endure this difficult time.
Later, Chloe decided that she wanted to do the same for incoming middle schoolers. She signed up to be a welcome ambassador for incoming students. She relished the role she had in helping the new kids adjust and excel in the middle school environment. She joined an afterschool camp program and made new friends. Then, Chloe invited others she met at school to join in the camp fun.
However, this is the part of Chloe’s story that moved me to tears. In one of her classes last year, Chloe noticed a girl come in and quietly take her place beside her. Relating the story, Chloe said, “Savannah looked like me.” Chloe responded to my quizzical look saying, “Savannah looked the way I used to look. Her long bangs almost completely covered her face”. Chloe demonstrated this for me as she layered her hair to cover her face. “I used to do that hoping no one would see me. Hoping I could fade into the background.”
Recognizing a need similar to her own, every day in class Chloe would say “Hi” and be open and friendly to Savannah. She didn’t push Savannah for conversation. She was just kind when there was an opportunity.
Smiling, Chloe said, “And then I had one of my best moments ever! One day, Savannah took her hair and tucked it behind her ears. Chloe was elated to see the change and knew what it cost this girl to make herself vulnerable. Chloe had earned her trust. Not long after this, Savannah asked Chloe if they could be friends. And they are!
Chloe’s story reminded me of the decorator crab. These fascinating spider crabs have an ingenious way of protecting themselves from predators. They pick up all kinds of oceanic materials—live coral, moss, even urchins—and fasten it to the Velcro-like hairs on their shells. Disguised in their new costumes, they blend in, hiding in plain sight from the dangers that lurk nearby.
As Chloe discovered, there are a lot of hurting people hiding in plain sight. They may be hiding behind designer labels, luxury items, tattoos, piercings, or a wall of bitterness, cynicism, shyness or arrogance…trying to blend in to avoid being hurt any more than they already have been.
One of my favorite names for God is El Roi. These Hebrew words for God mean, “The God Who sees me.” God sees us and extends His loving kindness to us. Let us be the same, ones who see… aware of the vulnerable and hurting, looking beyond the external, to a heart in need of loving kindness.
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