Week 18
The Concept
"Beliefs and Needs"
Working with Habitual Thoughts
In my study and practice of compassion, I have developed the ability to see all actions as an attempt to meet needs. I've learned to see beliefs as an attempt to meet needs as well. Beliefs help me interact with my perceptions - they help me explain and understand my life.
A Tale of Two Beliefs
Belief one - "I'm lazy". When I was younger, I believed I was lazy. I thought it was simply the truth (and not a belief). Later, as I developed a more empathic view of myself, I realized I was using this belief to motivate myself (a need for inspiration). I can also recall troubling moments where I used this thought, "I'm lazy", to explain my behavior to myself - an attempt to meet my need for understanding.
Belief two - "I don't deserve to have my needs met". With a shift toward empathy this thought can be seen as an attempt to protect myself from disappointment (a form of "self-care"). It can also be seen as an attempt to understand why my needs are not met - again, an attempt to meet a need for understanding.
Empathy for Beliefs
The practice of looking at beliefs as an attempt to meet needs provides a way to see myself, and others, that includes deeper understanding and more compassion. And that offers me previously unknown ways to make my life more wonderful.
This is not to say that having thoughts or beliefs is a "bad idea" or that there is something inherently "wrong" with them. As humans we are bound to have them. This is to say, when I think about a belief in relation to my needs, I can decide if my belief is serving me or not. This is big.
Let's look at some common beliefs. Some people believe that "People are basically selfish, that they are ultimately out for their own good and we have to be on guard - we have to protect ourselves from them". We could argue that this is true - or not true - probably forever.
If I look at this belief through the lens of needs, I might discover that this is a way I take care of myself, a way I protect myself from people and to be more assured that I will be safe.
I can also wonder, "What need(s) of mine am I not contributing to by having this belief?" I can wonder if it is contributing to an experience of trust, closeness or compassion. I can ask myself: "Is this belief keeping me from experiencing trust or perhaps intimacy?"
When we can think about our beliefs in this way, we can create a new relationship between our minds and our hearts. We can examine any belief from a "needs perspective" and see something we have never seen before.
This process of examining my beliefs in relation to needs has had a profound, life enriching effect on my relationships - with myself, the people in my life, and the world in general. Through this process, I have been able to choose my beliefs and not be run by them.
