Week 21
The 2020 Compassion Course Online
Thom Bond - Japanese Maple
With Thom Bond

Founder and Director of Education,


Week 21

The Concept

"Giving Thanks - Appreciation from the Heart"

As I have worked toward living a more connected and compassionate life, I have developed an ability that I can only describe as a "mega-life-changer". It is my ability to appreciate in a newer and deeper way. It affects almost every moment of every day and changes how I experience the people and events that make up my life. 

The Anatomy of Appreciation

What is it when something happens and we just want to say "Thanks"? What is happening inside of us? As a student of compassionate thought and action, I have learned that three things are happening in these moments.   

First, something just happened (or is happening). Somebody said something or did something, or there was/is some event in our lives. You could say that there is an "observation" that goes with everything we appreciate. For example, when I woke up this morning, I was warm. I noticed my fuzzy blanket, my soft warm pillow and the quiet, reassuring morning light peeking through the curtains.   

Second, I felt something. In my experience (which has been enriched by my practice of feeling feelings), I always feel some "fulfilled feeling". In the case of my blanket, my pillow and the morning light, I was feeling a sense of comfort, gratitude and hope.   

Third, a need is met. In the case of my blanket, and my pillow, it was security and comfort. In the case of the morning light, it was hope, support and communion.   

It is the noticing of these three things that gives me the ability to be in a deeply connected and grateful place.   

In this course so far, we have studied and practiced "observation" and "self-empathy", both of which enable us to recognize these three aspects of our experience. So from this moment on, we can use these skills and practices to change how we experience our lives. More good news - the more skilled and practiced we get at this, the more we will connect with the beauty and fun of being alive. Really. 

Sharing Appreciation

We can share this skill and awareness with others who may not be practicing it as consciously as we are, yet are still having the same wonderful kind of lives we are. Sharing our appreciation can be profound, like when we share our appreciation with a parent or loved one. It can also be simple, like when we share our appreciation with a customer service person at a store or on the phone. From experience I can tell you, it's always fun.   

A little example - The other day I was in my local "Home Center Megamart", the kind that's so big, I would like to have a bicycle to get around in it. A woman who worked there asked me if she could help. I told her I was looking for an electrical outlet for my dryer. She walked me straight to it (the event or observation).   

I realized that I could have been looking for that thing for a reeeeally long time, if it were not for her help (feeling gratitude, needs met for ease, efficiency and support).   

So I said, "Thanks. You just saved me a good ten or fifteen minutes. I could have been wandering all over looking for this." She responded with a look of pleasant surprise and a smile so wide, I thought she might hurt her face. It was so rewarding to share that little moment - little and yet quite beautiful.   

More to come, as the Compassion Course continues...
In Practice

"A Happier Father's Day"

It was Father's Day and I was about to make the usual phone call to my dad. This time I wanted to make it a special call, a more connected conversation than the typical "Happy Father's Day. So how's it going?" I wanted to share an appreciation that was from my heart, not just make the call out of obligation.

Before I called, I took a few moments and thought to myself, "What is it that I appreciate about this man and my relationship with him? What are some of the things that have happened between us? How have my needs been contributed to by his actions and words?" This process brought me to a new and deeper place.

When we spoke, instead of just saying "Happy Father's Day," something else came out of me. "Dad, I realize there have been four stages in my relationship to you. The first was when I just did what you said, the second was when I did what you said and resented it, the third was when I tolerated what you said, and the fourth was when I appreciated what you said. I'm in the fourth stage now, Dad. I'm beginning to notice that the things you said taught me some pretty important stuff... and I'm using that knowledge now... from how to saw a piece of wood, to how to act at a dinner table. Thank you."

After a moment of silence, in a voice trembling in tearful joy, my father spoke. "Well, wow... I don't know what to say."

When I got off the phone, I realized that it was my desire to see the needs that were met in my relationship with my father that gave me a gift - to experience the energy of appreciation inside me. The skills I had developed in compassionate thinking and communicating gave me a second gift - the sharing of that appreciation in a meaningful and connected way with someone I love. Add to that, my dad was able to understand how he had made (and continues to make) my life more wonderful... a third gift. It was a wonderful Father's Day.
Practice(s) for the Week

Practice #1 - Practice Noticing

Write down a list of five or ten things that are happening and the met needs that you have in this very moment. For example, breathing/air, reading this/learning and growth, sitting in a building/security.

Note: I can not express in these few words, how powerful this practice is. In past years, this has been a pivotal experience for many Compassion Course participants. Consider sharing your experience with this exercise on our Community Forum so that others might understand and perhaps be inspired.

Practice #2 - Share an Appreciation

Remember something that someone said or did that contributed to your needs being met. Ask them if you could share something that you appreciate with them. Then let them know what happened, how it felt and what need(s) it met.

For example: "I just want to let you know how grateful I am for the help with these dishes. I realize what a difference it makes when we team up like this. It's way more fun, not to mention it goes so much faster when we talk with each other. Thanks." Again, consider sharing your experience with this exercise on one of our Community Forums.
Additional Course Information and Resources

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