Week 7
The Concept
"More About Feelings"
Since Week 3 of the course, we have focused on the skill of noticing feelings and connecting them to needs (or again, at least we are beginning to *another warm smile*). Again, this is a recurring and vital practice in our journey to having more compassion in our lives.
As we develop this skill of connecting feelings to needs, we will inevitably have more awareness of needs and therefore, our experience of compassion will increase.
That said, many of us have a different relationship to our feelings. Instead of noticing (if not welcoming) our feelings as guidance, we stay separated from them. This separation can take many forms.
Judging Our Feelings
Most of us have heard (or thought) the words, "You shouldn't feel that way", or "I don't have the right to feel this way". These thoughts put us "at odds" with our feelings and make us less likely to want to feel them.
Fearing Our Feelings
Many of us have a fearful relationship with our feelings. We see them as a source of pain - things to be avoided.
With practice, we can learn to see our feelings as a guide to the source of our pain (as opposed to seeing them as the source).
As our ability to welcome and feel our feelings increases, we can deepen our relationship to them (as well as the needs they are telling us about) and increase our capacity for compassion and ultimately for making life more wonderful.
Ignoring Our Feelings
Some of us have learned to ignore or suppress our feelings. We have grown up hearing words like "Grow up!" or "Don't be such a cry baby". We have been encouraged, if not commanded, to cut ourselves off from our feelings.
I recall, as a young boy playing football in the fourth grade, tackling my classmate Gerard. Gerard weighed about 150 pounds to my 80. When I tackled him, he fell on my head, just off the side line. The side line was made of blacktop.
I remember the excruciating pain of Gerard's weight pressing and scraping my ear and cheek into the pavement. I also remember excusing myself and heading home. I walked with my back to my friends, waiting until I was out of "ear shot" so I could start crying. The pressure to "man up" was astounding and oppressive for my little body/mind, but I did it. I learned to push my feelings down.
As I have asked around, I've learned that most of us have had experiences like that.
Feelings as Messengers
These days, I find it way more useful to see feelings as messengers - little beings inside me that are helping me to navigate my life. They tell me, moment by moment, how I am and what I would like more of (or less of) right now.
It is this relationship with my feelings that helps me stay more connected to myself, to life and, ultimately, to the life energy of those around me.
In my experience, these messengers are my dear, devoted friends - so much so, that they often refuse to leave until I fully receive the message they have for me.
This week's practices will help us discover, renew and deepen our relationship to the life energy we call feelings and eventually help us to deepen our experience of compassion and to create a more wonderful life.