Week 8
The 2020 Compassion Course Online
Thom Bond - Japanese Maple
With Thom Bond

Founder and Director of Education,


Week 8

The Concept

"The Wisdom Inside the Judgment"

We can think of ourselves as having two ways of thinking to choose from. The first, to pursue our judgmental or "habitual" thought patterns or the second, to pursue an awareness of feelings and needs (life energy). 

Ironically, many of us think of these choices as good and bad - "feelings and needs awareness as good (we "should" be in this awareness) and judgment as bad (we "shouldn't" be in judgment). I say ironically because these thoughts are a form of judgment thinking (i.e. good/bad).

As we have discussed previously, judgments hold inside them a path to discovering needs. So, when we hold our judgments as being "bad", we can inadvertently disconnect ourselves from our needs. In effect, we stop our process before it starts. The two scenarios below illustrate my point and the potential pitfalls and opportunities that await us.

Scenario One

I find myself thinking that a coworker is "inconsiderate". If I think I'm doing something "wrong" by thinking this way, I will likely stop myself at "inconsiderate" (thinking I shouldn't think this way).

As we have practiced before, I now have the opportunity to translate "inconsiderate" into my desire to experience, perhaps, more consideration, or care - and with that, I have a connection to my needs (life energy)...

But wait!

Scenario Two

I find myself thinking that a coworker is "inconsiderate". This time I think, "Good news, my life energy is calling me. Let's explore." So I let my judgments run, knowing that my judgments are not coming from an understanding of my life energy in a connected way. Why? Because I also know that although they are expressing my life energy in a "disconnected" way, I can "translate" that into a more compassionate and connected experience.

So I let it flow - "Yeah, she's inconsiderate and a big liar... and she's a user!"

Now I have three ways I can find out about my life energy. So as we have practiced before, I now have the opportunity to translate. This time I have three times as much to work with, translate and ultimately connect about.

I have "inconsiderate", "liar", and "user". Now I can tap into my desire to experience more consideration and care; and now perhaps trust, self-care, mutuality and more - a deeper, more complete, connection to my life energy.

This process of letting my judgments run (in my mind can be seen as "enjoying the judgment show". I like this phrase because it creates a distinction between two parts of me, my life-connected part and my not-so-life-connected part. I can watch my judgments as preliminary information, not  as "the truth". And ultimately, I can have a more complete connection, more understanding and more compassion.

This "two-headed" approach takes some time and practice, although the benefits are profound.

More to come, as The Compassion Course continues...
In Practice

"In the Case of an Emergency Landing, a Judgment Journal Can Be Found Under Your Seat"

Stranded from my empathy buddy, triggered, upset and the owner of a pen and a blank piece of paper.

Some time ago, I was part of a training team for a four-day intensive training. One of the trainers there was a person I had never worked with before.  

As the training progressed, I noticed I was getting agitated and annoyed as I watched and worked with this trainer. He said several things that did not match my understanding of the practice of compassion. He also said some things that I strongly believed stimulated pain, mistrust and misunderstanding among the participants.  

By the second day of the training, I was in knots. Although I was trying desperately to make observations (and to some degree succeeding), I still felt horrible. I was distracted, annoyed and generally off my center. Something was missing. It seemed I was "dead-ended".  

Normally in these situations I would call my empathy buddy. This time I was out of "cell range". I had no ability to contact her. It would be up to me to go deeper on my own.  

I decided to write a "judgment journal". It looked something like this:
Judgment Thought

He cares more about having "guru" status than contributing to people

He's sabotaging our training
  
He's irresponsible


He's an egomaniac 
Needs or Values/Things I love

Care, competence, self-awareness, contribution

Partnership, support, shared reality
  
Care, competence, contribution, learning, growth

Awareness, presence, mutuality, community, partnership
As I wrote and read my words, I could more clearly see the "life energy" that was moving inside me. With this awareness, I could more readily have a dialog about things I value and strive to experience, things that I love. When I could see my "judgment thinking" right next to my "needs and values thinking", I created more clarity and choice as to what I believed would serve us best.  

I had a dialog with the other trainer. It was a difficult conversation - and yet, by sharing my needs, not my judgments, we could connect, understand and cooperate more readily. It was difficult - not impossible.  

In the end, it was my judgments that gave me the opportunity to find my needs and values. This in turn allowed me to live in a more connected and compassionate place.
Practice(s) for the Week

Practice #1 - Start a Judgment Journal

In a journal, write down judgments that you find yourself holding about someone (including yourself).

Later on, when you have time, sit down and write all the judgments you can think of about this person (yes, even if it's you). Have a good go at it. Be specific. Not just that they are "a jerk". What kind of "jerk". A "self-centered jerk"? A "lazy jerk"? The more specific our judgments, the more information we can get about our needs. Weird, but it works.

Then look at the needs list and see if you can figure out what needs your different judgments are telling you about.
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