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From “What If” to “Even If”
Raise your hand if you have ever lost sleep over worry. Have you ever obsessed over something and no matter how many times you thought about it nothing changed? (And then it is 3 a.m. and you are still awake and frazzled and are worried about how much you are obsessing.)
Worry was the discussion theme for this past week. It was the central theme of my Easter Sunday message when we handed out over 150 cards that read, “Do not be afraid.” The most often repeated message of the Bible – be not afraid – is a reassurance and not a command. Yet, human development has brought us to a point where fear keeps us alive. At the same time, constant fear (obsessing) is apparently as damaging to one’s heart as smoking multiple packs of cigarettes. So, we humans are caught with the conundrum of fear as a way of keeping us from doing stupid, life-ending things (like eating any random mushroom we see growing in a field) and also fear diminishes peace and joy and longevity. What are we to do?
One of the discussion group participants said there is a simple, and very difficult, thought process that helps. When I am obsessing about something, identify what it is that I am asking “what if” about and switch it to “even if”. I’ll go with something simple, what if the boat motor stops running. Let’s switch the “what if” to “even if”. Even if the boat motor stops running, all on board will be safe.
Even if… they will still love me.
Even if… at least we’re out on the water enjoying the day.
Even if… I will be clear headed and will know exactly what to do.
“Even if” helps us to focus on resilience. We can look back at past challenges as a reminder of our ability to cope and move forward. For instance, I have been stuck on the water and survived (and came up with a really good sermon idea) so even if the motor stops, which is unlikely, I will be okay.
A friend I correspond with in a different state was obsessing about an upcoming doctor’s appointment based on a blood test he took. He was rattling off what ifs in his mind – what if it’s cancer, what if I am diabetic, what if there is a blockage, what if it’s more tests and more questions without any answers. After he was exhausted from the unanswerable “what if” questions, he tried switching one to “even if”. Even if it’s cancer, I will be loved by my wife and family. Even if it’s a blocked artery, I will still have my faith. He told me, “Even if it is… God is not giving up on me and I’m not giving up on him.”
Humans in general like to be in control of things. Obsessing makes it feel like we’re in control because “what if” thinking is an activity. But switching to “even if” does not give up control. “Even if” reminds us of our identity, what we control, and where our love is. Even if the Seattle Seahawks move to another city, I’ll still choose to be a fan.
My out-of-state friend met with his doctor. There is a treatment plan in place and all will be well. The MD said he took the news surprisingly well. My friend replied: It’s because, regardless of what you told me doc, I know that I am loved and supported.
- Fr. Dave
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