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Guest Column - Loretta Downs
End-of-Life Inspirations
When my first friend died of AIDS in 1985, we were both 36 years old. By the time I was 40, more than a dozen of my friends and business associates had died. In order to understand their end-of-life experiences, I became a volunteer on an acclaimed AIDS unit in a large hospital in Chicago where I would later spend 17 years on the Ethics Committee.
Many of our patients died in the ICU after receiving aggressive, futile treatment. Others accepted hospice care, which was a new medical benefit and mostly provided by volunteer organizations. Those patients died at home surrounded by loved ones. When the AIDS unit closed in 2001, I became a hospice volunteer and began to speak publicly about hospice services.
The same year, I retired from my career in sales and my mother moved into a nursing home. I don’t cook and the food at the Fairmont was pretty good, so I would have dinner with mom five nights a week. I made friends with other family visitors and many of the 160 residents.
I quickly realized that residents were not admitted to hospice at the end of life; instead they were being sent to a hospital to die. Instead of being in their own room, in what had become their home, they just disappeared from the community. I reacted by creating the Chrysalis Room concept after the extraordinary metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a chrysalis to a butterfly. The room is beautiful, tranquil, and private. It is a sacred space where a hospice patient can spend the last days of life. Residents and loved ones can keep vigil, perform meaningful rituals, play music, hold hands, pray, mourn, and celebrate a good ending. For years, I presented the concept at conferences. The Chrysalis Room won awards and expanded to other nursing homes and even hospitals. It has been mentioned in articles and books.
After my mother died in 2006, I became President of the 600-member Chicago End-of-Life Care Coalition whose mission was to promote hospice care and advocate for advance care planning. I became a death doula to serve at the bedside.
I continue to receive invitations to speak at conferences, churches, senior housing, and community events. It is a privilege to guide and support people and their loved ones through the miracle of transformation. endoflifeinspirations.com.
I will be with you at RRPC next Saturday, Sep 27 at 10am and 11:30am, and Sunday, Sep 28, at 11:30am after fellowship, to facilitate meaningful conversation and help you create a good ending for yourself and your loved ones.
Please register here.
• Making Friends with Death: A Conversation About What Matters Most to You
• Advanced Care Planning: What is it? Why Bother? How Can I Begin?
You can also sign up in the narthex through Wednesday, Sep 24.
I am looking forward to being with you next Saturday and next Sunday for adult Christian Education.
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