|
When I became pregnant with my first child, I was extremely excited as I had been diagnosed with endometriosis and was advised that my husband and I should start our family before my condition worsened. About 6 months later I discovered I was pregnant and at Christmas we announced the news to our families.
Then in January, while I was teaching at a Christian school, I noticed I had begun to bleed and ended up miscarrying my baby.
It was three weeks before I was emotionally able to go back to teaching. When I returned, everywhere I looked I saw painful reminders (sometimes called triggers) of my loss. One trigger was the kindergarten teacher who was pregnant and sharing details of her baby shower. I had to hold back my tears and fake a smile as I congratulated her.
Later, a high school teacher told me “It is better you lost your baby now. It is much harder when they are older.” (She had experienced a tragedy when her three-year-old daughter died after becoming accidentally trapped in a freezer.)
Her words made me feel like my grief was being compared to hers, and that somehow, I should not be allowed to grieve because I did not get to meet my baby before I lost him or her.
Then there were others who did not know what to say so they left me alone in my sadness. In my mind, this solidified that the grief I had was a burden I had to carry alone.
At the Pregnancy Resource Connection, we specialize in helping women process reproductive loss because many of us have these experiences in common. The loss can include miscarriage, infertility, still birth, failed adoption, SIDS, and abortion regret. Each type of loss has a different type of grief. It can show up as shame, blame, inadequacy, what ifs, what now, and secrecy. The interesting thing about grief is it cannot be ignored. Shame and blame can manifest as anger, inadequacy and secrecy can manifest as depression or dissociation, and what ifs and what now can manifest as anxiety. The best way to heal is to travel the difficult road of pushing through the hurt to healing. Healing can start with transparency such as finding a supportive person to talk to, something that would have helped me on my own journey with loss.
At PRC we have resources to help you on your journey. Many of our staff and volunteers have experienced one or more of these losses and understand the emotions that they bring. We are here for you!
My personal journey continued by bearing four children, but the journey was not easy. I endured fertility treatments and two failed adoptions along the way. However, I no longer feel alone or isolated. As I talk to other women, I discover many of us have a story of loss to share.
What is your story? We are here to listen.
| 
