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Yet ungenerosity rarely looks dramatic. It’s quiet. Polite. Often dressed as “discernment” or “boundaries” or my personal favourite, “I just didn’t think of it.” I have a friend of several decades who seems biologically incapable of giving a compliment.
“That’s nice, where did you get it?” is her version of acknowledging you might look neat and nifty. Perhaps by giving she feels she will be in deficit in the emotional bank of her life. Maybe she thinks it will inflate my ego, make me the bigger person (and not her) leaving her lacking.
Compliments are not gold bullion. They do not diminish in your hands. I’ve been known to stop people in the street to tell them they look good, if they do, why not tell them? People are starved of being appreciated.
Not Passing on the Love
Sometimes people know the perfect course, tailor, person for the job. They have information that could seriously help their fellow man or woman. Yet they choose to keep this to themselves as though it were prime real estate. Maybe they are worried about being outshone or simply are pulling the ladder up behind them.
This is scarcity thinking at work - the idea that value is finite and must be tightly guarded. Yet almost everyone who thrives will tell you the same thing: opportunities multiply when shared.
Generosity doesn’t drain the well; it reveals how deep it is.
While insecurity, lack of confidence or just mean spiritedness allows a sense of control and oneupmanship it is a self-defeating loop.
Tight Lips, Narrow Vision
Holding praise back because “they already know.”
Not saying thank you because “it’s obvious.”
Not sharing credit because “I did most of it/They don’t need my praise”
These aren’t crimes. They’re habits. And habits quietly shape who we become.
Ungenerosity is rarely about cruelty. It’s about caution masquerading as wisdom.
Cosmic Karma – it’s coming for you
Here’s the paradox: generosity is one of the few virtues that pays out immediately, even when there is no applause.
When you’re generous:
- Your nervous system relaxes (you’re not guarding something).
- Your attention shifts outward (less rumination, more connection).
- Your sense of self expands (you’re part of a larger story).
This is not morality. It’s mechanics.
A generous act says to your mind: There is enough.
An ungenerous one says: Be careful. We might run out. I don’t have enough. I am not enough
Guess which message produces ease?
People often ask, “But what if I give and it’s not returned?”
To which the coaching answer is simple: then you still become someone who gives.
And that’s the biggest boost to self of all.
You’re Amazing. Try this (see what I did there?)
- Say the compliment out loud and mean it.
- Make the introduction within 24 hours, pass on contact details or release the idea.
- Start believing that giving away good words and generous deeds
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Pass this newsletter on to a deserving friend (this is optional) 😊
Notice what happens - not to others, but to you.
Most people report feeling lighter, braver, oddly more powerful.
Because generosity doesn’t make you smaller.
It reminds you how much room you have.
Let’s have a chat.
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