#1: Friendship relationship provides a bridge for social/emotional needs to be met
Needs include: respect, acceptance, comfort, companionship, friendship, ...
#2: Fellowship relationship provides a bridge for meeting spiritual needs
Needs include: prayer, worship, service, spiritual fellowship, ...
#3: Physical relationship provides bridge across which physical needs are met
Needs include: food, shelter, clothing, help, companionship, etc.
Consider these two possibilities:
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The bridges God designed for creating intimate relationships offer wonderful promise, don't they? Impact potential for intimacy is great.
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What happens when the bridges are "out", in disrepair, or simply not used? Potential for negative, hurtful impact also exists in relationships.
Many people you know are carrying an unnecessary amount of pain. I speak of emotional and relational pain. Due to our neediness, the "aloneness" of the soul is felt as relational needs are not met. The lack of healthy-loving interaction causes many to feel empty and disconnected. When the bridges of relationships aren't crossed effectively or crossed at all, people may become lonely, sad, disappointed, and hurt.
Since we also carry with us a sin nature that doesn't know intuitively how to properly deal with such pain, we are prone to react in ways that hurt others by our words, attitudes, actions and reactions. In fact, we don't have to have a good excuse to sin. We do it by nature just because we want our way or to have what we want - when we want it, don't we? Or is that just MY personal problem.
When we do hurtful things to others by deliberate choice or impulsive reaction, we leave them hurt and alone and, perhaps, find
ourselves feeling guilty
. Our guilt may come to us due to conviction of sins we have committed. Suppose no one teaches or shows us how to properly heal these feelings of hurt and guilt! What happens then? Are we to simply cope with these poisons of the heart?
Since we have to "live with ourselves", we are likely to try to relieve the pain of hurt and guilt. Our choices include but are not limited to the following:
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Get busy to avoid the pain
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Take something to numb or medicate the pain
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Surround ourselves with people and things to attempt to replace the pain
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Convince ourselves that the pain isn't real and deny the pain
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Manipulate the pain and use it for attention and sympathy
Have you ever seen an Olympic or local track and field competition? What do the runners wear when they are ready to compete? Aren't they wearing only as much clothing as they have to wear? And what they do wear is very light. What would you think if you saw a runner with long, heavy chains attached to his feet as he prepares for the start of the race? Why would any runner, who wants to win the race, wear chains? He will probably not win the race and may not even have the strength to finish.
The weight of our emotional pain burdens our life and exhausts us at times, doesn't it? If an athlete could remove the chains, he certainly should. So should we remove the chains (weight and sin - Hebrews 12:1-2) on our heart. Our attempts to "avoid the pain", "numb the pain", "replace the pain", "deny the pain" or "use the pain" may lead us to some very unproductive methods for relief. If the "weight and sin" can be removed, it should be? Otherwise, they tangle us and trip us up.
Have you noticed what people do to relieve their hurt?
Are these methods ever really successful in the long term?
I call those places, people, things, and ideas to which we run for relief-"little gods". Yes, I call them "little gods" because we "worship" them, we "sacrifice" to them, and we "serve" them. We give our time, money, and resources to these "little gods", sacrifice some of our dearest priorities to them, and even tell others about the power of our "little gods" to relieve the pain of life - even though the relief won't last. Is it possible that we worship our jobs, investments, possessions, families, addictions to alcohol-drugs-food-etc., friends, or other forms of self-focus in order to relieve our pain or escape from it? Some of these items are very good and may even be part of the answer to our need, but they are not "gods". These "little gods" can't and don't deal faithfully or effectively with hurt and guilt, do they? In fact, after chasing some of the "little gods" we may be more alone, less connected, still guilty, emotionally numb, and increasingly afraid that our options for relief and success in life are diminishing. That person may feel desperate to find a cure. Suppose a person lives his life chasing "little gods" that are not gods at all. Don't you think
fear and insecurity
would be natural results of the emptiness of chasing after "little gods" that really can't help?
On the heels of the fear, anxiety, and insecurity may come
a sense of worthlessness or condemnation
. Life isn't working as it should, and we may feel undeserving of anything good. Perhaps we have been so wrong, so bad, and feel so inferior that we are convinced we don't deserve to know the answer to our pain. This is a place where some stop trying to find answers. Not only do we sometimes turn the condemnation inwards upon ourselves, but also we may become very judgmental and condemning of others. If we can make others look inferior, then we get some temporary satisfaction. We may feel superior as a means of coping with our own feelings of insecurity, guilt, hurt, or fear.
As we feel superior or better than others, we convince ourselves that we have some value. This method doesn't relieve the hurt or guilt or fear or insecurity because even the "little god of self" is no god.
At this point, reached sooner or later by all who chase life's elusive "little gods" for comfort, our weary traveler may become
angry and bitter
. The anger and bitterness may turn inward or outward based upon the personality or circumstance. If inward, the person becomes more deeply depressed, negative, impatient, and perhaps reclusive. If outward, then rebellion, rage, or abuse may characterize the behavior.
