1. Express gratitude
The first words out of your mouth: "Thank you."
"Thank you for trusting me."
"Thank you for your courage to be vulnerable with me."
"Thank you for valuing our relationship."
Often when people express daunting thoughts about suicide they expect to be judged. They anticipate that others will react in negative ways such as fear, anger, minimizing, or shaming. When they hear a genuine expression of gratitude, often they are put at ease. This honoring response creates a safe space to move into next steps. Starting here is starting from a place of dignity and respect.
2. Reassure with partnership
Second words to share: "I am here for you."
"I will stay with you as we figure this out together."
"I am on your team. You are not alone."
"I will persist with you until we have a viable plan to get you the support you deserve."
"I've got your back."
"It's my honor to be here for you. I know you'd do the same for me."
"I don't know exactly what you are going through, but maybe I have had some similar experiences. My heart is with you. Let's figure this out together."
Because rejection and discrimination are real outcomes for people living with mental health conditions and suicidal thoughts, reassurance can be very grounding. Too often after disclosure, people who are suicidal experience the "hot potato effect." Well-meaning people (and this includes many therapists) get scared upon hearing the news of someone's suicidal thoughts, so they bounce people to someone else, who then does the same. Each time the person in despair is passed along to someone new to "help" they must start over, telling their painful story, recounting symptoms, and so on. All the time no one is actually helping them solve problems and recover. The hot potato effect is demoralizing and often feeds into a narrative of "I am worthless and unlovable" or "no one can help me." In effect, bouncing people around worsens the suicidal crisis rather than helps to resolve the crisis.
