In the last newsletter I talked about my dark night of the soul and not knowing what I really believed any longer. One of the precious points of a dark night is the sense of being in the void. Once the rug gets pulled out from underneath us we no longer feel anchored or tethered to the same or any belief structures. At first this can feel incredibly disorienting but after the dust settles there is this sense of weightlessness. Much like an astronaut hanging in space. If we can see beyond the fear of not being tethered to anything brings, we can recognize that Space is what is holding us. And because we are no longer bound to old structures we are in the Space of Pure Potentiality.
As I was driving to Iowa last weekend I saw an Eagle flying over a field. I have seen many eagles in my day and always had a sense of connection with them. This was different. I felt connected to this Eagle as in . . . Not. Separate. From. Later I encountered the same sense of Oneness as my vision was struck by clouds hanging over the horizon.
I can only describe this sense of Oneness as Energy. I thought about what happens as a tree drops its leaves in the fall. Those leaves dissolve and their form changes from leaves to compost. This compost feeds the tree and the cycle begins again. I then had a vision of my body dissolving into pure Energy when I die and there was this sense of peace that came over me. No longer did I need to cling to the belief that I had to go "somewhere" when I died. When I was young that place was heaven. As I got older that place became the "other side". The sense of dissolving into Pure Energy when I died brought comfort instead of fear.
I still do not have an answer to the question what is God? I don't feel I need one any more. My ideas around god are changing from day to day and that excites me. In the past I needed to fix a certain face to god. It made me feel safe. Now I feel as if the potential is in the not knowing.
As in anything I say or write take what you need and leave the rest. I simply share my experience with you.