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No matter what, I always have to watch the final scene of Dirty Dancing if I come across it on TV. The end-of-the season Catskills resort talent show, the disgruntled dancers scowling in the back of the room because their leader has been unceremoniously fired, the awkward table for three where our heroine, Baby (Jennifer Grey), and her parents self-consciously sit to watch the pageant.
It doesn't matter that I have seen this mid-80's hit,....hmmmmm....let's say 30....40 times....I always have to watch it again. Not because it is a classic cinema. Not because I have to hear Patric Swayze as Johnny Castle say, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner", before he hauls her up on stage...Not even for the excruciating singing of Baby's older sister.
No.....I watch it because, deep down, I believe that with just a few turns around the floor I could learn those steps from Patrick Swayze, wear the flowing dress like Jennifer Grey, and of course do an unbelievable job with that final number.
If you are a woman reading this, I am assuming you are nodding your head, saying, "Yes! Yes!"
And guys, what does Dirty Dancing do for you?? Perhaps you may laugh at Johnny's big line, and I'm wondering....shouldn't a movie that has captivated so many women have something to say to men??
Let's start with the teaching and learning of the dance steps. And then the early challenges of Baby and Johnny's partnership. The gradual build, from the first time they perform in public at a nearby resort to the climactic scene where they put it all out there for the world to see, is a road map for what a woman wants.
Men, are you curious what Baby gets from Johnny that makes her fall so hard for him? She gets
exactly what all women want from their lovers: patience, dedication and decisiveness, confidence in themselves and their partners, the good sense to share the spotlight---and even step into the shadows occasionally---and, finally, strength.
Did Baby feel good about her first few turns around the room with Johnny? Absolutely not!! Did he believe he was quite possibly making an enormous mistake? Yes. Curious?? Does that sound like countless first dates? Or perhaps the first few years of your marriage?
And....they did make it through the toe squashing and the missed moves. Somewhere along the line, Johnny's patience as an instructor paid off. His confidence helped Baby polish her own natural abilities, and they became each other's perfect partners. (Yes, Baby did teach Johnny a few things too...and that's another article).
And.....the climax of the never-to-be-missed final scene. The lift! The scary, exciting you-better-hold-on-tight-and-not-drop-me, I'm-not-sure-I-can-do-this lift! With grace, trust and a look of exquisite joy, Baby flings herself into Johnny's waiting arms and is......??
Elevated above and beyond anything she has dreamed of, truly glowing with pride and confidence, encouraged and nurtured all along the way by her lover and trusted friend. Any man who has seen that face of his partner watching this scene will want to see that look again---with himself, instead of Swayze, as the cause.
Sooooo...What's the secret??
- Hold her. Hold her tight, hold her lightly, hold her passionately. Never think your touch is old and unwanted. When you stop holding her, you start missing even the easy steps together.
- Let her go. A woman is nothing if not contradictions. She will need to take some solo steps, and it will help to know you are in the wings, cheering her on, watching her make her own moves from time to time.
- Dedicate yourself to getting it right. These "partner" steps can get tough sometimes. When either of you makes a mistake, even if it is a pretty bad one, move on together. Trying really hard not to make it again.
- Lift her up. When the rest of the world tries to defeat her, remind her through your
tireless confidence in her that she's a goddess who can soar above mere mortals.
- Look her in the eye. Fancy footwork will only get you so far. Gaze deeply into her eyes and silently tell her, "I want to take these steps with you for the rest of my life."
You and your partner are invited to join Andy Miser, Brian Basset and me at our Connecting to Us Couples Retreat, Friday July 14 - Sunday, July 16. Saturday evening, Brian, a dear friend and professional dance instructor, will be teaching the tango. You and your partner will be incorporating the tools Andy and I will be teaching you throughout the weekend on the dance floor with Brian. How fun is that!! Click on the link below for more information...
Sending you much Love , Joanie
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They say love makes the world go round. Yet, sometimes the stressors for the world catch up with us to erode our most intimate relationships. Is your vibrant relationship under stress? Do you long to be more deeply engaged in your life together but feel you are drifting apart? Are you sharing a truly loving experience in your relationships? Bring your partner and join in on this couples retreat, dedicated to helping you resolve to live by your relationship's most important equation:
Life = Connectedness = Love = Healthy & Loving Relationships
If you are ready to dive into the depths of what your loving relationship means to you and explore how to keep it alive and thriving, please join me and professional coach
Andrew Miser for this retreat Friday, July 14, - Sunday, July 16, in Alexandria, Pa, at the
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Natural Aphrodisiacs for Men & Women
Women ask for my advice and opinion. A lot. One of the things that I frequently hear is
"Are there any essential oils that are aphrodisiacs?" This is usually asked by my reserved lady friends in embarrassed and hushed tones. My more blatant and bold friends will just say, "O.K. Got anything to help out with the sex drive?" Some are looking for help for their partners; others are asking for themselves. I've been asked this enough times that I realize that it's a BIG issue these days.
So, here's the deal....I'm pretty bold and forthright. I truly believe that sex is to be pleasurable and fun. We connect with one another through intimacy and sex. That's how we're wired. Sometimes couples do struggle and have problems. It's more normal than you might think.
How do essential oils impact the body?
Loss of libido
can have many causes. Sometimes these are physical such a thyroid issues, medications, and testosterone. Other times they can be mental or emotional: stress, issues within the relationship, fatigue, and depression. Enter essential oils. We are strongly impacted by fragrance and aroma. The limbic system is located at the back of the brain. It's associated with memory, emotion, and learning. Simply smelling essential oils can have a powerful impact on us physically and emotionally. Aroma can arouse the senses, create a more pleasant environment, and increase desire.
Many essential oils are physically and emotionally good for the heart. You will notice that many of the essential oils with aphrodisiac properties actually increase circulation. What happens when circulation and blood flow is increased? We have increased arousal. Ladies, you KNOW what increased arousal looks like in your partner, right?
Essential Oils with Aphrodisiac Properties
- Black Pepper. This is a warming, spicy oil that strengthens circulation. It can stimulate the appetite, literally and sexually. (Always dilute when using topically.)
- Cinnamon Another warming oil, this scent is sweet and spicy. It improves circulation and blood flow. (Always dilute when using topically.)
- Sandalwood. This essential oil promotes emotional openness. It's an exotic scent.
- Ylang ylang. A floral scent, it increases sexual desire, encourages attraction and supports the circulatory system. One of the most powerful essential oil aphrodisiacs.
- Rose. This is good for the heart emotionally and physically. Improves supports the circulatory system. Very sensual scent.
- Jasmine. Enhances mood and energy. Excellent for women.
- Patchouli. This is a musky, woodsy smell. It improves the spirits and balances the libido.
- Ginger This is a sweet, warm oil that supports the circulatory system. It increases openness in both men and women. (Always dilute when using topically.)
How to Use Essential Oils for Romance
Aromatically.
Use your essential oils simply to scent and create a sensual environment. Pleasant fragrances are stimulating, physically and emotionally.
Topically.
Use essential oils for touch therapy. Blend with fractionated coconut oil, or almond oil to create an amazing, therapeutic massage oil. Massage on
legs, abdomen an
d bottom of feet.
In the bath.
Add a few drops to the bath to relax and create a romantic atmosphere. Note: Do NOT add black pepper, cinnamon, or ginger to the bath. They are warm oils. Choose rose, ylang ylang, jasmine, lavender, and wild orange.
If an oil is unappealing to you or your partner, don't use it. Follow your nose.
Want a spicier love life NOW? Play around with essential oils. The oils that I use are actually edible. Fun! Add a drop of peppermint essential oil to a tablespoon of coconut oil and you have a yummy,edible body lotion. That takes it to a whole notha level, right? So run and grab some oils. Your sweetie will thank you for it.
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Professional coaching is a powerful process to get you to move past your comfort zones, to
examine new perspectives, and to take new actions. If you are curious about how coaching can assist you in your life, your relationships or in your business, please contact me here for a 30 minute complimentary "Taste of Coaching" session.
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Joanie Yanusas
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Relationship & Retreat Coach
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