The Inspiration for the Ring Theory
The inspiration for the Ring Theory began when Susan Silk had breast cancer. She underwent surgery for it, and during her recovery in the hospital, Susan found that she didn’t feel like having visitors. This is a common feeling for many cancer patients – they’re exhausted by treatment or the emotional toll, and simply don’t have energy to give to others.
But Susan quickly learned that her friends didn’t necessarily understand this. When she tried explaining to a colleague, who had come to visit, that she just wasn’t in the mood, it didn’t go well: her colleague responded by saying to Susan, “This isn’t about you!” Meaning that, Susan’s needs were a lower priority that those of her visiting friends’.
We can see almost immediately that this was
not
the right thing to say to a cancer patient! And it probably put a lot of unneeded emotional stress on Susan. And so Susan went about creating the Ring Theory to teach others what to say – and what NOT to say – during times of crisis to best help the people most in need.
So how does the Ring Theory work?
Ring 1: The Cancer Patient
The key to the Ring Theory is that support flows inward and venting flows outward. The patient is at the centre ring. They can vent, talk, scream, cry to anyone in any of the outer rings. They do not need to support anyone. Continuing to use Susan as an example, Susan (the patient) is not responsible for supporting anyone, not even her husband. The patient receives support and is not ever required to give it.
Ring 2: Spouse, Children, and Immediate Caregivers
The next closest ring to the patient is reserved for people who are closest to the patient. So, this is often the spouse, children, and immediate caregivers. They are there to support the cancer patient – and when they need emotional support, or to vent about the situation, they can turn to the people in the outer rings. For instance, Susan’s husband is there to support her through the cancer; when he needs support, he’ll reach out to other people who are further away from the immediate situation. He will not turn to Susan.
Ring 3, 4, 5: Everyone Else Who Knows the Patient
Rings 3, 4, and 5 hold the remaining people in the patient’s life. The key to the Ring Theory is that support is given to rings that are closer to the patient. And those who are closer to the patient can vent outward. For example, Susan’s mother (Ring 3) could vent to her sister (Ring 4), but not to Susan’s husband (Ring 2). She supports those who are in the inner rings (Ring 1 and 2) and she can vent to those who are in the outer rings (Ring 4,5,6)
