There are a variety of activities which people perceive as sexual, not all of which strictly qualify as sexual intercourse. Is it whatever the couple finds pleasurable? Making pleasure the decisive factor of sexual love has at least two drawbacks.
First, pleasure changes over time. The same, equally loving act might be more pleasing at one time and not very pleasing at other times. This is even true in non-conjugal situations, such as cooking dinner for extended family. The cook might derive a great deal of satisfaction from devoting his skill and effort to his loved ones, or he might just find it stressful. Whether pleasure is present or absent, it’s still loving, as long as he chooses it.
Second, pleasure doesn’t necessarily involve closeness. Two people can live far apart and experience pleasure, even simultaneously and with the other person in mind, but that would not make it love. Every love, whether sexual or not, involves some sort of union, as detailed on a previous page. In a specifically sexual context, the union which is desired encompasses the whole of the other person, body and soul. To only desire the pleasure, which signals the goodness of that union, and not the union itself is to mistake the road for the destination. And nobody wants to be stuck in traffic, they want to get home.
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