When I was a kid, a received a book entitled, "What do you say, dear?" It offered outrageous scenarios and then asked the aforementioned question to teach young children manners. Here's an example: You are at the Princess' ball and she is telling you a secret, but her orchestra of bears is making such a fearful lot of noise you cannot hear her. What do you say, dear? You turn the page and the answer is, "I beg your pardon."

I bring this up because one of the questions that arises when discussing our anti-racism work is just this. How do we ask questions about things we do not understand? How do we respond when the impact of someone's statement is hurtful or not well thought out?

For too long the answer to the question was say nothing. In recent times however, we have answered that question with blunt, accusatory reactions instead. There has to be a better way.

The charm of my little book is that the integrity of all the characters (even the dragons) stays intact with the response given. It's not about being "polite" as much as it is being respectful and seeing the other as a child of God. It is not always easy to know what to say, but staying silent is not an option.