I'm about to share (with permission) a story told to me by one of my clients. It is a sad story but one that comes with several lessons from which we may all benefit. Please bear with me as I share this story:
The husband of a friend of my client suddenly passed away. No warning -- he wasn't sick so his passing was totally unexpected.
Several things happened that added to her friend's grief:
1. The husband died out of town and it turns out it is very expensive to ship a body anywhere so the wife ended up having him cremated and shipping his ashes but that meant she didn't get any sort of goodbye.
As a rule of thumb, it costs anywhere from $1000-$3000 to ship a body from one funeral home to another AND it costs another $800-$2500 for the new funeral home to accept the remains. Both fees are required! Only then can you add in the cost of the funeral itself.
2. Fortunately, the husband had a Will and put a copy of it in their home safe. However, in this person's State, a copy of a Will is not considered legitimate despite all the i's being dotted and all the t's crossed. The wife had no idea where the original might be nor if the attorney that created it was still in business. She filed a legal motion to make the copy acceptable but was told by the judge "I don't think you tried hard enough to find the original so I am denying your motion".
3. The husband's bank account named the wife as a 'survivor' which means she should have been able to access their money but the paper card the husband signed authorizing the wife on the account was long lost. With no card proving the wife was authorized to use the account, the account was frozen.
This poor woman's sad story is a wake up call: It is never too early to get our affairs in order. Life is so fleeting and none of us have any idea when we might pass.
Here are a few lessons from this story that might help your family in a time of grief and sadness:
--Make sure at least two people know where to find your final plans. Be sure to share the combination to your home safe; if in a safety deposit box, someone else besides you needs a key.
--Create a home manual -- How does your home operate? -- Many people have high-tech voice or app-controlled technology. What if you don't come home? Do you have a list of user names and passwords for things like your security system?
What about your support services? Who are they and how are they contacted? Anything special about your home that requires attention? For example, when we moved, the solar at the old home still needed Wi-Fi for monitoring so we had to reinstall it until it sells. Totally didn't think about that.
Do you have pets? What are their names? What is their routine? What do they eat?
Your home manual should include all pertinent information including contact info, payees, payment amounts, due dates, services, account numbers, passwords -- everything someone unfamiliar with your life will need to step in and operate like you until your assets can be addressed.
--Review your financial accounts
--make sure everyone you want to have access is clearly defined. If you have a survivor, make sure they too are protected. And by all means, check with your financial institution to see how technology may have changed forms, signatures and processes.
--Decide your burial plans. Cremation? Burial? Mausoleum? Are you an organ donor? How can you make sure your wishes are fulfilled? I want my body to be donated to science. As morbid as this might sound, I may have a limb cremated so my family has something to keep if they want it (they have cremains of their pets so surely a mom rates equally! - that's a little gallows humor!)
--Decide your end of life -- Do you want heroic measures or a DNR (do not resuscitate)? Do you want Life Support and if so, for how long? Who is your health proxy in the event you're unable to make decisions?
--Pay your funeral expenses in advance -- or have an insurance policy. Something so your family isn't burdened with these costs. The average funeral costs $8000 and that's because funerals require emotional decisions made in a time of grief. It is easy to exploit that grief and charge exorbitant fees. So do your loved ones a favor and make these decisions in advance.
--Create a Trust -- you don't have to be a millionaire to have a Trust. And a Trust will allow you to define most of everything listed above plus have a Will and the ability to decide who gets which of your assets.
There are a number of Trust types available but the two primary types of Trusts are Revocable and Irrevocable. The Revocable one is the most flexible because you can make changes to it as your life changes. However it provides less financial protection than an Irrevocable Trust. The choice for a type of Trust and its provisions should take into account your age when you create it and with input from your attorney or financial planner (or both).
I have a Trust. With two businesses, it's imperative they are protected. Plus I feel I have a moral obligation to my clients to ensure my businesses continue after my death for at least some period of time (not that I plan on going anywhere anytime soon!)
Death is a topic that most of us avoid because we feel immortal but the truth is anyone can die at any time. It is imperative that we face this fact and plan so our loved ones don't get stuck trying to imagine what our wishes were and then having to make costly decisions.
We here at Executive Errands® have helped many families who were distributing assets after a death; putting items on consignment, managing donations and packaging other items for shipment. We have assisted with funeral arrangements and catered memorials. As sad as these events are, we are honored to have been able to help make each situation less stressful.
What happened with the friend of my client? She is considering letting her husband's estate -- the one where he made it clear his wife gets everything -- go through probate. If this happens, she will incur unnecessary legal fees and may even lose part of her inheritance; all at a time when she is grieving. Truly sad indeed.
Have you considered what you might want if it's the end? It doesn't matter if you're 20 or 80, please give some thought to what would happen if someone had to take over for you and then formalize your plans. It's the only way to ensure your wishes are being met.
