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Talking to Children about Tragedy and Violence
For much of our country's history, disease and illness was the leading cause of death in children. Technological advances, however, made children far more susceptible to other threats of injury and death. In 2020, gun violence surpassed car accidents as the leading cause of death in children. While there are growing debates about ways to address this issue, the somber reality is that gun violence is a problem that our children will continue to face for years to come. The recent school shooting in Nashville, Tennessee, highlights this truth and accelerates our need to have meaningful discussions about ways to support children when violent gun tragedies occur.
At Respire, we are saddened by the tragedy in Nashville and offer the following tips for parents, educators, and community members who wish to support children in developing skills to navigate their feelings associated with grief and loss in the wake of gun violence.
Hear Kids Out
Sometimes an adult's natural reflex is to silence a child's distress. Generally, this reflex occurs because adults are conditioned to believe that they need to fix or remove distressing experiences so that children can live happy, stress-free lives. However, this behavior does not allow children to process their feelings. Instead, they can become overly dependent on adults to intervene in their distress, and they do little to understand or express why they feel the way they do in the first place. So do yourself a favor, and allow kids to communicate their distress by encouraging them to label or name the feelings they have in difficult situations.
Use Good Communication Skills
It might be surprising to hear that many adults do not know how to communicate. Yet, the first thing that happens when a kid is confronted with a problem is that we bring in an adult to ask questions. While questioning is an important part of gaining clarity in a situation, quality communication involves much more. Below are some tools that will assist you in having meaningful discussions with children.
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Listen first, ask questions later: The last thing a kid wants to do after a tragedy is to be bombarded with questions. Instead, be prepared to listen and hear for things that allow you to build a better understanding of what the child knows or understands about the tragedy; how the child would like to be comforted; what the child needs following the tragedy; and whom the child needs to feel supported or better understood.
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Use relatable words and descriptions: Age-appropriate communication allows children to connect to the support, so avoid using terms or concepts that are not easily understood.
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Pacing, Pacing, Pacing-Many adults believe that offering support immediately after a tragedy is the best way to support a child through distress. However, it is important to check-in regularly with children after they have experienced a trauma so that they can set the pace at which interventions are provided.
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Encourage expression of feelings: Some kids are better at showing feelings than stating feelings, so remember that is ok for a child to show you tears or other behavioral reactions that allow them to express their feelings openly. Also, get creative and allow children to write, draw, or color their feelings.
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Be a good role model: Allow your child the space they may need to process their own emotions in their own time. Let your child know that they have safe and trusted adults in their life to support them during difficult times.
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Pay attention to body cues: Kids often show how they feel, so it is important for adults to pay attention to their body language following a tragedy. If you observe behavior that feels unfamiliar, provide an opportunity for the child to share the meaning of the behavior. Some feelings may be too large to share, so don't be afraid to give the child enough space so that they can feel comfortable processing their feelings on their own. When the appropriate time comes, invite the child back to see if they have a better understanding of how they are feeling. If the behaviors become dangerous, bring in a trauma-informed mental health specialist that can assist.
Since violence and tragedies seem to be here to stay, there are a number of resources available to support children through their feelings. Below are a few.
Resources
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The Sandy Hook Promise Foundation: offers a list of resources for parents, caregivers, and other adults to support kids through gun violence and tragedies.
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Sesame Street: is a resource for younger children and provides parents, caregivers, and other adults with resources and activities to help support their children during troubling times.
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Director's Corner
Rachel Rothwell, LCSWC
Nutrition and Mental Health: What's the connection?
Did you know March is National Nutrition Month? While we often think of nutrition as part of our physical health, what you eat also can impact your mental health. The foods we eat affect our brain growth and brain development which supports our mood in either a positive or negative way.
How does nutrition affect mental health?
Our gastrointestinal tract (GI tract) breaks down the foods that we eat so that important brain chemicals can be produce to support our moods. Serotonin and Dopamine are examples of two brain chemicals that carry messages from the gut to the brain. When we eat more vitamin and nutritionally-rich foods, our bodies increases the growth of good bacteria, which in turn positively affects the chemicals involved in carrying nutrients to and from the brain.
When we eat food low in nutritional value like “junk food” our gut produces less of the good bacteria and then our brain creates lower quantities of good chemicals to influence positive moods.
Eating healthy foods is especially important when you are participating in therapy as it produces the nutrients needed to sustain attention, promote change, and create neural connections. To enhance treatment outcomes try eating the following foods:
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Omega 3’s: Omega 3’s are fatty acids that have proven to support mood stabilization, boost the effectiveness of antidepressant medications, and manage ADHD symptoms. Omega 3’s can be found in salmon, walnuts, flax seeds, and chia seeds and can also be taken in supplement form.
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Probiotics: Probiotics reduce inflammation and reduce the production of stress hormones in the body. There is new research about probiotics indicate that probiotics also support the production of Serotonin (the “happiness hormone”). Probiotics can be found in foods like yogurt, apple cider vinegar, cottage cheese, buttermilk, miso soup, and sauerkraut.
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Vitamin D: Vitamin D can support a better mood and has been shown to improve mild depression symptoms. Vitamin D can be found in tuna, salmon, milk, orange juice, and some cereals.
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Water: Drinking water helps support mood stability and increases focus.
Making small dietary changes can be impactful in supporting and maintaining your mental health! Before making any changes to diet, be sure to speak with your primary care physician to ensure you are eating foods that promote your health.
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