In this week’s parsha, Parshat Yitro, we learn about the special relationship between Moshe and his father-in-law, Yitro. Upon hearing that the Jewish people walked through the Sea of Reeds and emerged victorious in the war with Amalek, Yitro, along with his daughter and two grandsons, goes to meet Moshe. After reconnecting, Yitro observes how Moshe is dealing with his role as leader of the newly-freed Jewish people and is distressed by what he sees, as it says, “Moshe sat to judge the people, and the people stood by Moshe from the morning until the evening. The father-in-law of Moshe saw everything that he was doing to the people, and he said, ‘What is this thing that you do to the people? Why do you sit alone with all the people standing by you from morning to evening?’” (Shemot 18:13-14). Yitro then gives Moshe some practical advice as to how best alleviate his burden, saying, “‘Now heed my voice, I shall advise you…You be for the people opposite God, and you convey the matters to God…And you shall see from among the entire people, men of means, God-fearing people, men of truth, people who despise money, and you shall appoint them leaders of thousands, leaders of hundreds, leader of fifties, and leaders of tens. They shall judge the people at all times, and they bring every major matter to you, and every minor matter they shall judge, and it will ease from upon you, and they shall bear with you’…Moshe heeded the voice of his father-in-law, and did everything that he had said” (Shemot 18:19-24). 

At first glance, Yitro’s advice to Moshe does not sound all that innovative or incredible. In fact, learning how to manage time and delegate responsibility are skills anyone in their personal and professional life needs to master in order to achieve success and minimize the chance of emotional, mental and physical “burn-out.” And yet, according to Chazal, Yitro’s advice to Moshe placed him in the highest regard in the eyes of Moshe and the Torah, and because of his advice, Yitro merited to have an entire parsha of the Torah named after him. Why? Perhaps, the answer is that the greatness of Yitro’s advice has less to do with what he said, and more to do with how he said it. According to the Midrash, Yitro was very careful to offer his advice in a way that would build up Moshe rather than make him feel like a failure, as it says, “A person should never let a mean thing leave his lips” (B. Talmud, Pesachim 3a). Yitro explained to Moshe how important he was to the people, how much his presence mattered to them, and because of his importance, he needed to learn how to delegate responsibility so that he could be as available to them as possible. Moshe, in his greatness, was able to see the truth of Yitro’s words, put aside his feelings, and accept the advice.

Whenever someone offers criticism to us, we need to ask ourselves two questions. First, “do I respect this person?” and second, “do I think this person cares about me?” If the answer to both of these questions is “yes,” then it is to our benefit to listen to that criticism as words of care coming from a place of love, and accept them in the same spirit in which they were given. The greatness of Yitro’s advice was not that he told Moshe something anyone else could have told him. No. The greatness of Yitro’s advice was that he knew how to speak to Moshe in a way that would encourage and help him fulfill his mission to his people. People are often too quick to criticize, but also too quick to dismiss criticism. This Shabbat, let us learn from the greatness of Yitro – that just as important as the words we use is the way we use them. If we really care about someone, we will always take their feelings into account, as Yitro did for Moshe, in order to help them achieve their goals and succeed in the higher callings of their lives. 

Shabbat Shalom,

-Rabbi Dan