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On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
May 22, 2026
Columnist Tom Blake
Featuring Guest Author Sonia Marsh
Introduction by Tom: I’ve known Sonia Marsh for about 25 years, back when she was married. Greta and I had dinner with Sonia and her husband Duke a few times before they moved to Belize.
That move didn’t work out well for them. They divorced. Sonia decided to create a lifestyle for herself called “Gutsy Living.”
At age 59, Sonia joined the Peace Corps and lived in Africa for more than a year. She is currently writing a memoir about that experience.
She is the author of the book called, “Freeways to Flip-Flops.” Check out her website: www.Soniamarsh.com. She is on Facebook under the moniker called GutsyLiving.
You can contact her at Sonia@soniamarsh.com. If you email her about today’s article, please copy me on your email at tompblake@gmail.com.
Why I Quit Dating Apps at 68—And My 35-Year-Old Son Has the Same Problem
by guest columnist Sonia Marsh
I quit dating apps, and, oddly enough, my 35-year-old son and I are in the exact same boat. He has women lining up to meet him. And I’m attracting men 10–17 years older who need a caregiver, and yet, neither of us is finding what we truly want. So, what’s going on here?
Why I’ve Stepped Away from Dating Apps
I have quit dating apps for a while for two reasons: one, no luck, and two, people keep telling me that you meet someone when you least expect it.
The Surprising Truth: My Son and I Have the Same Dating Problems
What I find so interesting about online dating is that my 35-year-old son is having the same issues as I.
We’ve become quite close as mother and son by sharing dating stories. The main difference? He has no problem getting dates, while I’m only getting a few dates with older men who have health issues.
The Dating Imbalance: Age, Attraction, and Expectations
My son is a doctor who makes a good living and is 6’4.” Women flock to him. Listening to dating podcasts, he fits into that tiny fraction of men who are young, tall, and financially successful.
I, on the other hand, fall into the category of mature women who can only seem to find men 10–20 years older than me—men who often need a woman to take care of them.
This feels unfair, especially since I’m thin, active, wise, and fully capable of taking care of myself.
The Real Issue: Avoidant Attachment Style
So, what’s the problem for both my son and me? Are we both too picky? Isn’t chemistry important?
During our phone conversations, we’ve realized that we are both “avoidants.” This comes from attachment theory; (I’ve included in the line above a quick YouTube link if you want to explore it further).
Basically, we are not the clingy type. We’re independent and tend to have our guard up—at least I know I do. We don’t easily show physical affection unless there’s real chemistry.
In other words, we’re picky. And maybe a bit naïve in believing there’s someone out there who meets at least 95% of our criteria. Listening to podcasts on relationships and dating, I’ve concluded that we look at photos of men, (in my case) and women, (in my son’s case) as products. It’s become online shopping for a partner, just like shopping on Amazon, but without the product reviews.
Chemistry vs. Companionship
Intellectually, I understand that perfection doesn’t exist—and I’m certainly not perfect either.
But at this stage of my life, I’m not willing to be with a man I’m not attracted to despite what relationship coaches tell us. “You can grow to fall in love with someone’s personality.”
Well, I’m sorry, I need to be attracted to the man physically as well.
I work hard to stay fit, healthy and to keep learning. I travel, build friendships, host gatherings, and genuinely love who I am.
I’m tired of hearing, “You can develop chemistry with someone who’s kind or has a sense of humor.” I call that to have a friend.
And in my online dating experience, I’ve yet to meet a man—even at 80—who wants to be “just friends.” You know what I mean.
I also have no interest in becoming someone’s caregiver at the beginning of a relationship. It’s different if you’ve been married to this person all your life.
Should I Date Younger Men?
Friends tell me I should date a younger man.
And I would—if I knew he genuinely liked me for who I am. Maybe it’s my avoidant attachment style that makes me feel there is always an ulterior motive on their part. A lack of trust on my part.
What I’m Doing Instead: Real-Life Connections
So, these days, I’m focusing on real-life interactions.
I’m joining discussion groups and attending art museum events in Laguna Beach. I love meeting intelligent people—men and women—who have traveled, who are curious, and who refuse to become stale in their thinking.
What I’m Hoping For
What I would truly love is a natural introduction—to meet a single man through someone I trust. Someone who shares my love of travel, snorkeling, swimming, and staying active. Someone who wants a companion, an equal—not a caretaker.
If you can introduce me to that man, please email me at sonia@soniamarsh.com!
And As for My Son…
I’m sure he’ll have no trouble finding someone he can love and marry…As long as he’s not holding out for 100% perfection.
Let’s help Sonia find a perfect partner.
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