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90,800 people on the DSR
and have connected 25,500 of them!
In December we hit a big milestone, 25,000 matched people! Since then, we've facilitated 500 more connections.
It might be difficult to understand the value of the DSR if you've never used our organization to connect with your own or your child's genetic relatives. Or, if you've never had an urgent medical issue to share with your donor family. Or, if you've never been notified of an urgent medical issue that warranted medical screenings or preventative medicine. Or, if you've not yet created relationships with a group of people you or your child is related to, including donors — without waiting 18 years.
We send adult donor-conceived people (DCP) to the DNA sites regularly. But think about it, if all parents were educated about the importance of connecting right from the start, many of those people could have had the opportunity to grow up knowing their half-siblings and biological parents, instead of having to wait until they were adults to try and find each other via other methods.
Same for donors. If they too had been properly educated more would have connected early with families on the DSR. Too many sperm and egg facilities still work very hard to keep DCP from their close genetic relatives. Deliberately keeping a person from their close relatives until they are 18 years old is an antiquated policy that does not serve donor-conceived people's best interests. C'mon, reproductive medicine industry- you can do better!
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DCP should lead the terminology conversation
Here are some terminology results from a large DCP study that we published in the journal Human Reproduction. The study was divided into 2 groups, DCP in LGBTQ+ families and DCP in heterosexual (HET) families. The first graph is the LGBTQ+ group, and the second is the HET group. Because DCP use different terms depending on age or the situation they're in, more than one term could be chosen.
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Consult/Advice/Support Video Chat |  | |
Here are some issues we can chat about:
- I just found out that I am donor-conceived ... help!
- Donor-conceived people who are shouldering the secret of donor conception (not letting parents know that they know) after finding out later in life.
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Prospective parents: what you should know to make informed and educated decisions that will affect your child for decades.
- My adult donor-conceived child just found via DNA testing that they are donor-conceived ... how do I best support them?
- Maneuvering through disclosure, a child’s right to know, and when and how to tell.
- How to move forward in connecting with a half-sibling’s family (or many families).
- Connecting with a formerly anonymous donor.
- Coping with donor family members who have different comfort levels and desires to connect.
- Non-biological parents who feel uncomfortable with their children reaching out to biological relatives.
- Discuss the distinctions about how you define family and how your child might do so.
- Helping to maneuver the fine line between privacy and secrecy in the families we connect with.
- Donor-conceived people: how to cope when you have a burning desire to know your genetic/ancestral history.
- Donors: how to move forward with connecting when your family members may not know of your donations or may not approve of your reaching out to your genetic offspring. How to manage when there are many of them.
- Parents/donors/offspring: coming together from different socio-economic/cultural/political/sexual orientation/religious backgrounds who need assistance in moving forward in the most healthy way possible.
Recent Consulting/Advice/Counseling Feedback:
Thank you Wendy for talking to us this afternoon. It’s always so soothing and comforting to share our feelings and thoughts with you. Thanks for listening to our concerns and fears. We’ve never been able to open up like that with anyone for the past 37 years. We told our kids about you and how helpful you were to us and that you would be available to talk to them if they so desired.
— L&T*
Thank you so much for sharing your exhaustive experience with me. You gave great advice and gave me a lot to think about. I really appreciate it! I will keep you posted as I move forward.— LR
Thank you so much for being there and spending the time to talk with us yesterday. I feel like we're getting the ball rolling at least. I can't express my gratitude enough for your expertise, knowledge, and availability. I will be in touch again without a doubt. — M&L
It was so nice talking with you today, I appreciate your time and especially your advice. And thank you for all the work you've done and continue to do for donor-conceived people and their families! — S
It was nice to speak frankly and to air our fears (even the ones we knew were irrational) to someone who knows how primal this new donor communication is. — RM
Thank you so much for your time, expertise, and sensitivity today. You gave us lots of good ideas and advice. We will let you know of our progress!
— H&P
Thank you Wendy for your kind and encouraging words! You’ve been such an amazing support to us! — T
Thank you so much for your guidance and support! It really helped prepare me for the conversation with my mom, dad, and brother. I also had the opportunity to Facetime with 4 half-siblings yesterday, thanks to the DSR. 3 of them happened to be together for a reunion of sorts and we looped a fourth one in. I was able to connect a fifth to this group via text afterward. It was incredible! Thanks, again!
— SC
*These parents were recently advised by their licensed mental health professional to not tell their adult children the truth, seeing "no reason to do so". Unfortunately, this is all too common.
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I am now a Review Editor on the Editorial Board of Assisted Reproduction, a specialty section of the journal Frontiers in Reproductive Health. I’m also a peer reviewer for the journals Human Reproduction, Reproductive BioMedicine Online, Frontiers in Global Women's Health, the Journal of Comparative Effectiveness Research, and an abstract reviewer for the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.
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February 2024: The Droll
Sperm Donors May Not Be as Anonymous as They Think
Wendy Kramer is working to change that. Her son, Ryan, was conceived with donor sperm and born in 1990. She was honest with him about his conception from an early age. When Ryan was about 6 years old, he asked to meet his biological father. The sperm bank wouldn’t share any information. So around 2000, Kramer started to connect with other people like her and Ryan to create The Donor Sibling Registry, a nonprofit organization that has enabled more than 25,000 half-siblings and/or their donors to meet to date (including many of Greene’s donor-conceived children).
In 2005, Kramer’s son took a DNA test, which led mother and son to seek out and build a relationship with his biological father. To date, Wendy and Ryan Kramer have also identified 28 half-brothers and sisters. Kramer says that many of those siblings weren’t told by their parents that they were donor-conceived and were caught off-guard when they learned the truth through genetic testing. “You get families that are imploding. Kids who are struggling. Trauma,” she says. “Some of [Ryan’s] half-siblings thought it was a prank. They deleted the emails from the half-siblings saying, ‘Someone’s pranking people in 23andMe. My parents didn’t use a donor.’”
Kramer recommends that donor parents tell their kids the truth before the child can even speak, and that sperm banks should enable connections at any age. Just as openness has risen around adoption, she’d like to see that happen with donor conception. “Then it’s just a part of their story to be proud of,” she says.
December 2023: The Messenger
Founder of Boston IVF Fertility Clinic Accused of Secretly Fathering Patient’s Child in 1980
A lawsuit accused the doctor of 'surreptitiously' inserting his sperm into the patient instead of a donor's.
December 2023: Hey Reprotech
When the donor dies
Their donor died unexpectedly. Every time a new sibling finds them, they, the recipients — not the sperm bank, not the donor's family — have to break the news.
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BOOK: Counseling Donor Family Members
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Published by Ethics Press, this guide will be of interest to therapists, counselors, psychologists, sociologists, physicians, and other mental health professionals who may encounter this topic in their specific settings with patients who have a variety of presenting problems, as well as professionals in the reproductive medicine industry.
And yes, this guide is also helpful for donors, parents, and donor-conceived people. Understanding the layers of emotional depth and the specific challenges that all stakeholders might face is very helpful when maneuvering through your own personal journey.
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LGBTQ+ Outreach
Our booth will return to the June 2024 Boulder Pride event!
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2023 Published Articles:
1/6/23
Why are Sperm and Eggs Still Sold Anonymously?
Personal Perspective: The consequences of donor anonymity.
1/27/23
Cornerstones of the Donor Family: Kindness and Empathy:
From choosing a donor to expanding one's family to include donor relatives.
3/2/23
Tips for Donor-Conceived Adults Who Just Found Out the Truth:
The road might be bumpy for a while, with a multitude of difficult emotions.
4/3/23
Donor-Conceived People Who Have Always Known the Truth:
Being donor-conceived can have inherent challenges, even if told early on.
4/24/23
Egg and Sperm Donors: It's Complicated:
Some common thoughts and feelings surrounding selling one's gametes.
5/8/2023
Donor-Conceived People: Curiously not Curious:
Some insist that they are not at all curious about their donor origins.
6/12/2023
Parents of Donor-Conceived People: Researching the thoughts and feelings of biological and non-biological parents.
7/10/2023
Reaching Out to Sperm and Egg Donors: Weighing the risks and rewards when deciding whether to attempt contact.
8/7/2023
Donor-Conceived Children Meeting Their Half-Siblings
Widening one's family circle with enriching, lifelong relationships.
9/5/2023
Gamete Sellers: It's More Than Just a Financial Transaction
Common themes, topics, and issues that arise with former egg and sperm donors.
10/2/2023
Sperm Banks, Egg Facilities, and the Backfire Effect
Why have gamete sellers been resistant to evolving ideas about donor families?
11/1/2023
Contacting a Gamete Donor for the First Time: The Letter.
You might not get a second chance to make a first impression.
12/4/2023
Donor Offspring: Curiosity, Connecting, & Attachment Theory
Securely attached individuals are more likely to have a positive experience.
2024 Published Articles:
1/4/2024
DNA Matters: Psychological Differences in Donor Families
Accurate and updated mental health information is vital for families and donors
1/25/2024
The Ethical Sperm Bank: An All-Open Sperm Bank
An idea whose time has come.
2/26/2024
The Problems With Donor-Sibling Groups of 50, 250, or More
Important medical, psychological, and social implications for donor offspring.
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Recent Speaking Engagements | |
We had two great prospective-parent educational opportunities in December. Parents deserve to make fully educated and informed decisions that will affect their children for decades.
An online workshop for the Spanish community in Barcelona, Spain: Receiving Donated Eggs or Sperm: What Am I Facing? The 15-minute video with Spanish subtitles coming soon!
A RESOLVE Pursuing Egg Donation Support Group.
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Join us as we welcome Wendy Kramer, the visionary co-founder of the Donor Sibling Registry. Wendy shares her poignant journey into the world of donor conception, offering unique insights into a realm many of us know little about. Her story is not just about creating a family but also about the complexities and unexpected challenges that come with donor conception.
https://familytwistpodcast.com/episodes/wendy-kramer-and-the-donor-sibling-registry-part-1/
Summary of Episode Highlights:
- The Inception of the Donor Sibling Registry: Wendy discusses how personal experiences led to the creation of this groundbreaking resource for donor-conceived individuals and their families.
- Understanding Donor Conception: Delve into the initial steps and decisions involved in donor conception, as Wendy narrates her personal experience.
- Conversations on Origin and Identity: The episode highlights crucial conversations between Wendy and her son about his origins, emphasizing the importance of honesty in donor-conceived families.
- The Emotional Landscape of Donor Families: Explore the varied emotions and challenges that families face in navigating donor conception.
- The Impact of DNA Testing and Social Media: Wendy talks about how advancements like DNA testing and social media platforms have revolutionized the way donor-conceived individuals connect with their biological relatives.
- Ethical Issues in Donor Conception: Wendy sheds light on the lack of proper education and counseling in the sperm and egg donation process.
https://familytwistpodcast.com/episodes/wendy-kramer-and-the-donor-sibling-registry-part-2/
- A Team Approach to Donor Conception: Wendy emphasizes how she and her son tackled the challenges and questions of donor conception together.
- The Evolving Age Range of Half Siblings: Fascinating insights into the age diversity within the community of donor siblings and its implications.
- The Shock of Discovery through DNA Testing: Wendy discusses recent cases where individuals discover their donor-conceived status unexpectedly through DNA testing.
- Counseling and Support for Donor-Conceived Families: Wendy talks about her role in counseling families who are navigating the complexities of donor conception.
- The Impact of Secrecy in Family Life: An exploration of the emotional turmoil caused by the lack of transparency in donor-conceived families.
- Understanding and Respecting Children’s Curiosity: Wendy highlights the importance of acknowledging and respecting a child’s curiosity about their biological origin
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Your Family: A Donor Kid’s Story is a sweet and light-hearted picture book that answers the question "where did I come from?” and then gently introduces the concepts of half-siblings and donors in an open and honest way. The book starts with the parent’s desire to have a baby, the use of a donor, and then broaches the topic of half-siblings and biological parents/donors. A perfect book for donor-conceived children and their parents in all family types to learn about how they were conceived and for understanding that being curious about their unknown genetic origins and relatives is natural.
Just as there are many family types, there are also many ways to define a child’s family and their donor relatives. Reading this book with your young donor-conceived child can initiate or supplement important and ongoing dialog about these genetic connections. These early conversations are integral for creating a happy and healthy donor child and family.
"A lovely book for children who were conceived with donor sperm or egg. Parents in all kinds of families will find it very helpful in explaining their child’s conception story in a gentle simple and positive way."
—Jane Mattes, L.C.S.W., psychotherapist and Founder/Director of Single Mothers by Choice
"Having worked with Wendy Kramer for many years I know her organization, the Donor Sibling Registry,is valuable to the LGBTQ parenting community. We’ve published family stories that talk about how DSR has brought joy to not just the half siblings discovering each other but to their gay parents as well. Kramer’s children’s book Your Family: A Donor Kid’s Story is an important contribution to the LGBTQ community and a great addition to the homes of all parents with donor-conceived children."
—Angeline Acain, publisher and editor, Gay Parent Magazine
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Finding Our Families: A First-of-Its-Kind Book for Donor-Conceived People and their Families
Millions of people have been born with the help of donor sperm or eggs, including Wendy Kramer’s son. Realizing the unique concerns of being or parenting a donor-conceived child, Kramer launched what would become the world’s largest database for connecting donor-conceived people, the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR).
Finding Our Families provides additional support for this growing community. With compassion and insight, the authors draw on extensive research to address situations families face throughout a donor-conceived child’s development, including the search for a biological parent or half-sibling and how to forge a healthy self-image.
"The book successfully honors its promise to deliver the tools necessary to help donor-conceived children discover and explore their genetic legacies.” —October 2013 Publishers Weekly review
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Donor Family Matters
The story of Wendy Kramer and her donor-conceived child, Ryan, who eventually found his biological father and [now 28] half-siblings. Wendy and Ryan created the Donor Sibling Registry, the world’s largest platform for mutual-consent contact of sperm, egg, and embryo donors, donor-conceived children and adults, and their parents.
Educate the child. Raise him or her without biases of any kind. Teach him or her to trust in others but to rely on self. Instill in him or her a sense of humor and the ability to enjoy life.”
Penned on a sperm bank intake form, these words of advice from Donor 1058 to the future recipients of his donations became a parental motto for one particular recipient, Wendy Kramer, who would go on to found the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR). With almost 92,000 members in 105 countries, the DSR is the world’s largest platform for sperm, egg, and embryo donors, donor-conceived children and adults, and their parents to connect and share information through mutual-consent contact. In her role with the DSR, Wendy has become a leading advocate for donor families and for reformation of the modern profit-driven donor conception industry.
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