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A Word to the Weary Parent
by Vanessa Lin McGraw, mama & therapist
"Hello and happy January! Perhaps you started off the year refreshed but are already feeling back into the grind.
I want to speak to the weary young parent out there. The pregnant mama collapsed on the couch. The dad worn out by another toddler tantrum. The parent taking care of sick kids while sick themselves.
It’s a lot. Sometimes parenting feels like the most rewarding job on the planet. Sometimes we feel unseen and unappreciated, so many of our tasks performed in the - literal and figurative - dark.
If this resonates, my gentle reminder is this: Your work matters. Your labors are not in vain. Parenting will not always demand every ounce of energy that you have to give. Even now you are being shaped into who your children need in the future.
I wish I had an easy solution to “solve” the chronic fatigue, but it’s not simply a matter of adding a self-care practice. It requires policy change to support families financially, culture change to raise kids more communally, and sometimes individual change to get more comfortable asking for specific help.
However, an encouragement I can offer now is this: to pursue presence over perfection. More often than not perfectionism burns us out. But presence, an embodied and relationally-connected way of being, can help fill our cup up again.
If you’re thinking “this sounds great… but not practical,” I hear you! Here’s one actionable idea for practicing presence: if you have a smartphone, put it on grayscale. After this change I did miss scrolling through vivid photos of my kids. But I also found that I could better enjoy the 3D versions right in front of me."
Vanessa Lin McGraw is a mother of two and a Registered Associate Marriage & Family Therapist (AMFT #141456), supervised by Livia Ondi, LMFT. She loves supporting clients through pregnancy and into new parenthood with a focus on early attachment and somatic psychotherapy. Vanessa sees individuals, couples, and families at her Inner Richmond office and over telehealth. To explore working with her please call (415) 562-5394 or [email protected]. Find more on her website here.
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