Why We Should Introduce Kids to the Idea of Forgiveness

“Because conflict is inevitable, teaching our children about the virtue of forgiveness early on may indeed be a path toward building communities of people who prize and cultivate peace.” The advice outlined above is provided by Maryam Abdullah, Ph.D., Parenting Program Director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. She is a developmental psychologist with expertise in parent-child relationships and children’s deve lopment of prosocial behaviors. When kids get mad, Dr. Abdullah says, they usually don't stay mad for long. But , like adults, kids can hold on to intense anger when they feel wronged. At its most extreme, this anger can lead young people to seek revenge through acts like physical aggression that can devastate families and communities. So, is there an acceptable alternative? Can we teach our kids to forgive instead? Dr. Abdullah answers resoundingly, "YES!" In her article,she writes:

"As psychologist Robert Enright and psychiatrist Richard Fitzgibbons write in their latest book Forgiveness Therapy , forgiveness is a choice to let go of anger toward someone who hurt you and to think, feel, or act with kindness toward that person. "They clarify that forgiveness is not being weak—it takes strength and courage to forgive. It is also not forgetting, condoning, or putting up with being hurt; you can forgive while still seeking justice. And forgiveness is different than reconciling with someone; you can forgive without receiving an apology. "Forgiveness might seem like an impossible feat for a child who doesn’t yet have all the tools in her toolbox that adults do to handle emotions like anger and the desire for vengeance.

" But a wide range of studies have found that forgiveness programs can help kids of different ages feel better, strengthen their relationships, and improve academically.

"According to Enright, we can learn from these programs about how to teach age-appropriate forgiveness skills, so kids grow up to be more peaceful and forgiving adults." Ironically, Dr. Abdullah’s advice is exactly what Dr. Enright, forgiveness researcher and educator who co-founded the International Forgiveness Institute, has been telling parents, educators, and peace activists for nearly 20 years.  In 2002, Dr. Enright established his first forgiveness education program at Ligoniel Primary School in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Belfast provided an obvious location for forgiveness education because of the widely-known “Troubles” in Northern Ireland during the late 20th century that resulted in more than 3,600 deaths.

That was 17-years ago; the Belfast program has flourished, expanded, and continues to this day while Dr. Enright has similar programs operating in more than 30 other countries around the world.

How Kids Benefit From Forgiveness

In her Greater Good article (above), Dr. Abdullah outlines some of the benefits that forgiveness programs offer kids ranging from "more empathy and hope to less anger, hostility, aggression, anxiety and depression. After learning forgiveness, some children even perform better at school, have fewer conduct problems and delinquency, and feel more positive about their parents and teachers.”

Read the full article in Greater Good Magazine. Read more about forgiveness education: The Impact of Using Children’s Literature to Teach 5th Graders about Forgiveness (Dr. Suzanne Freedman) The Eight Principles Underlying Forgiveness Education (Dr. Robert Enright) A New Approach to School Bullying: Eliminate Their Anger (Dr. Robert Enright)

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