In pickleball, sometimes a volley gets a little wild with four players whacking the ball, banging it, punching it, slamming it. In a rally like that, the sport more resembles the fast game of racquetball. I call it WILD PICKLEBALL when games get like that - and I do not prefer it. When the ball gets out of control, we players do, too. We cannot set up our physical stances fast enough - or correctly - for the next shot because we're playing in fight or flight mode instead of strategy mode.

It takes only one player to CALM IT. To get the ball under control as s/he hits the pickleball across the net; then hoping the returning player hits a softer shot or a dink, to keep the volley going - calmer.

The out of control volley is anything goes, yet eventually, one of the four players will fault - and the rally is over.

I was thinking how we can apply this CALM IT method to other situations.

Say you and your hubby or wife are bickering, which escalates into fighting, and then worse - turns to shouting. It takes only one of you to CALM IT, to stop feeding and returning the negative energy. To stop participating. Reverse the fighting back to softer, more respectful conversation - and cease the argument. Play nice. Kiss and make up - and all that.

Another situation is when you feel deranged, unhinged, unbalanced, and won't shut up (from last SNIPPETS about feeling sorry for men). You're hyped up over something - maybe trivial. Your mouth is out of control venting or whining or complaining. You're flying off the handle in a litany of female detail.

Stop. HEAR YOURSELF ... then CALM IT. All that spouting does you no good. And the person listening hates it.

Just this morning I was up against time racing to an appointment in Towson, driving too fast. That only made me feel edgy, nervous, and anxious about maybe being late. So I literally took my foot off of the accelerator to CALM IT. To get my Valentina (my little red Fiat) under control. It did not feel good - or right - to drive like a maniac. She was scared and uncomfortable with her wheels turning so fast. And arriving dead would do me no good.

Sometimes we might feel irritated on a phone conversation with a customer service rep and we begin to act impatiently and not so nice. That might be a good moment to pull back, reign in, bring on the friendly, and CALM IT. There is a human on the other end of the phone trying to resolve your issue and help you.

What other situation can you think of in which you might apply this method of CALM IT? When YOU take control, you get to subdue the circumstance.

Try it. CALM IT. You will feel what I mean.

Snippeteers - PLEASE remember to include your STATE when you backtalk - I can't always remember every one.

"Your column sometimes make me laugh, sometimes make me think, and sometimes does both. This one was both. I guess the last snippet hit a nerve because my father was so controlling and occasionally abusive. It made me think of how great it is when parents just let their kids be kids by letting them 'act out' or make mistakes without over-correcting.

How wonderful if we are allowed to be a hot mess not only as a youngster but even as an adult. We should be able to speak our truth and vent our frustrations, even if it's loud. Extra points if it is funny. I tend to be fairly calm but in my next life, I will be the demanding wench of my dreams."

 ~ Cindy B in Maryland

"Very well written account of our feral nature! I can’t stand myself most days one year post-hysterectomy. When will I find Angie again? She may, in fact, never return. In the meantime, I think Hubz should be canonized St. Michael."

~ Angie W in Maryland

"I have been cleaning out things. I'm trying to get as much family history together for my daughter. This is not an easy task sorting and selling your life. You realize these are material things and not a priority now, but your life is number one.

The article about men was so true. I wish I could change things of my past. The one thing I can change now is making every day count. Treat everyone with respect and kindness as you don't know what they are going through."

~ Deborah N in Maryland

The best way to end something is to starve it.

No reaction - don't feed it. That's where the true power lies.

Where attention goes, energy flows. Don't return negative energy. Remove yourself. Create a new algorithm.