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Dear, Chris,
My husband texted me an unattributed quote last week, telling me, “This sounds like you.”
“My desire to be well informed is currently at odds with my desire to stay sane.”
He was right, it did sound like me in my attempts to not act on impulse to scream or throttle someone. Maybe you too.
As mentioned last month, while I firmly believe in the power of being heartbroken to either destroy us or crack us open, I’m not keen on the former.
This leaves the latter - cracking open - and honestly, it’s hard. Very hard. Either way, it involves making active choices about how to respond to life’s triggers, including recent news.
It can all be a bit much.
Let me back up a minute. When we’re confronted by life, triggered, thrown, our biology is provoked, but it’s typically outside of our conscious awareness. To address the tension, our biological reactions are to resist or fight, flee in one form or another (all avoidance strategies fall into this category, e.g. that extra glass of wine when you know you’d be better off without it, working overtime with a great excuse like ‘my name goes in for a Pulitzer Prize,’ tuning out with way too much bad TV – you get the idea), or freeze.
We all know this experientially, yet we long for the ever elusive, even blissful, state of balance, one that’s even keel and calm. It feels safe – and impossible to hold on to – because it is.
Viktor Frankl, wise sage, reminds us, "Mental health is based on a certain degree of tension...Such tension is inherent in the human being and therefore is indispensable to mental well-being."
Without being overly dramatic, he’s telling us to embrace the tension to use it wisely. Maybe it’s a bit like practicing plucking scratchy notes on violin strings to create something beautiful out of all the scratches – even if only in time. To my understanding, that’s an example of turning toward heartache or irritation, opening to it, and allowing it to unfold.
So, I’m working with it.
I’ve chosen to limit my news watching time – for now and on purpose - to one hour per week, only scanning headlines to stay informed of major events. (Besides, we’ll hear about the major ones eight-five times before the week’s out so I don’t have to know more than headlines now). Besides, if activism, as Parker Palmer shares, is a commitment to take action around what’s on my heart, then I’ll start small, at home, today.
At the same time, I’ve recommitted to taking stock of what’s actually nourishing my over stimulated biology so I can continue to function while my heart is breaking - a pause practice of sorts.
Am I taking time to drink more water?
Would going to bed earlier a few nights help?
Who knew MCT in my morning coffee would be so helpful?
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