After attending two funerals in the last week, I noticed how death and attending viewings, Masses, and memorials seem to throw us into a state of introspection. It can get deep. There can be some soul searching going on.

Whether you are attending another family's funeral - or experiencing a loved one crossing over - here are a few thoughts of navigation:

• Ditch expectations of people. There will be people close to you who will surprise you by not reaching out or showing up; and there will be people whom you haven't spoken to in decades who will surprise you by reaching out of the blue with a card, gift, text, call, or showing up during the arrangements.

• Cry wherever you are. Don't stifle it! Don't try to hide it. It irks me when people apologize for crying. WHY? Tears are your emotions. You don't have to control them. It is perfectly okay to cry. Please ... never apologize for having or showing emotions. That's why tissues were invented! [I love the messages on Trader Joe's tissue boxes. One says: "I'm there when you're sad."] So ... grab a tissue for your issue.

• Just because the funeral is over does not mean the grief is. If you're the loved one left behind, let the grief IN when it needs you as the outlet. My friend who lost her brother months ago is still hurtin' - naturally! She called crying asking how long this will last. THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT on grief. (And do not listen to another human being who may tell you so.)

• If you're the supporter to another person grieving, continue to reach out well after the funeral. Months. Next year. On the Angelversary or birthday of the person. As we go on with life, the person affected is still hurting / grieving / crying - I promise you. It is not over for them.

• We realize death is a touchy subject and sometimes we don't know what to say, what to write. Yet try not to morph into "automatic pilot" with mundane words that actually say nothing, nor represent your heartfelt support. (Pet peeve OVERUSED and almost pointless 4 words: "Sorry for your loss." Snippeteers, could we be more creative and heartfelt than this worn out cliched phrase???)

• Struggling to write your message in the sympathy card? Include a fond memory or a nice thing about the person who died. If you did not know the person, you can say something like: "I bet your mom was a patient and giving person since that's what I see in you. Clearly, she passed on those traits." 

• Call or visit that person you said you were going to call or visit. Today. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Only a few weeks ago, I had heard that my friend Bill from our Italian community was very sick, and stupid-stupid me didn't reach out to him. A minute later, I heard he died. This feels absolutely regretful - and there's nothing I can do about it now, except forgive myself. So ... call the person on your heart and mind - TODAY.

• And lastly ... remember calories do not count while you're grieving. If you want to stop at DD for a doughnut ... do it ... eat it ... savor the icing. Worry about extra pounds later when you can focus better. When we get to heaven, eating doughnuts on Earth will not have mattered. God will not be handing out doughnut judgments.