On Thursday, February 1st, the NRN met at the Needham Town Hall. This was the last meeting of the first NRN cohort. After voting on the Community Response Protocol, members reflected on their investment, learning and transformation at the NRN over the past two years. Below, please find these reflections in their own words. As usual, anonymous member comments are shown throughout the Newsletter in blue font.


ICEBREAKER: Meaningful Endings

What makes for a meaningful ending? In small groups of four, NRN members recalled a time when they were completing a significant project or experience. They talked about how they marked its ending, and what about it was meaningful for them. 

Members suggested that meaningful endings often provide an opportunity to: 

  • Celebrate accomplishments 
  • Reflect on lessons learned
  • Express gratitude
  • Have private moments to process the experience 
  • Gather in nature
  • Say hello to the new, and orient oneself towards what could come next
  • Meet in person, especially if the typical venue had been virtual 
  • Review and enable a re-experience of the moments that brought joy and awakening 


VOTING ON THE COMMUNITY RESPONSE COMMITTEE & PROTOCOL

The Co-Directors summarized feedback to the CRC and then members unanimously voted to endorse the Committee and Protocol! We will be in touch shortly to organize a meeting for March.


REFLECTION: WHAT THE NRN HAS MEANT TO YOU

The NRN broke into three smaller groups and reflected on the following questions.

1) What has the NRN meant to you? 

  • Hope - to see that a group that is so diverse can come together here.

  • We all come with different amounts of social capital and different roles in the town and we flatten those roles so that we can relate...It’s egalitarian, to build community. It’s a respectful way of being individuals together. 

  • Glad to have met other town leaders that I normally might not have met. Time went by so fast. I really liked the small group circles that let us be more personal.

  • Inclusion and belonging - great way to know what’s happening in the town.

  • This was an opportunity to hear different voices and ensure that everyone’s voice is heard - giving people protocols and space.

  • Hope, and having each voice be valuable. It feels like no one has dominated the group in terms of ideas and energy. You never know where new learning will come from.
 
  • Community connection - love the snapshots where members talk about their groups and roles so we can really understand local people and resources.

  • We have so much in common. There are certain things in every culture that people want – freedom, love and unity. The third one is the toughest right now. A quote from St. Thomas Aquinas reads something like, ‘We must love them both, the opinions we agree with and those we reject, because both contribute to the truth.’ That’s not alive in many sectors, and it’s too bad. Breaking down those barriers is critically important, and this organization has been doing that.

  • Given what’s happening in the world, it’s been a great experience to try to bridge differences between people. 

  • Everything we see now in our society and news is coming from a negative vision, but when you’re here you see that the people here are coming from a good place. And while there might be difference, it’s rooted in a good vision and understanding of where everyone’s coming from.

  • For me, it’s been an incredible opportunity to get involved. This helped me see which areas I could contribute to, and how I could engage better. And it enabled me to be able to vouch for different people and groups within Needham (to my own group). Knowing who to call in a particular group if someone is saying something off or not right and the ability to call someone in this network to clarify.

  • It’s really great that I feel like I can count on a lot of people in this room for knowledge. I didn’t have that before we started this. And I didn’t necessarily know that was available to me. 

  • For me, it created windows and mirrors that led to humanity, and seeing humanity.

  • I think it’s one thing for those who gather in this space to see each other as holders. In terms of the community we created, it’s another thing to see each other as partners. One can be in community amidst a swirl of life, not really knowing who are the leaders, who are the people with the agendas…but to come together and see each other in partnership, sacred partnership, that the kind of community in which we live can happen by design, because it probably won’t happen well by default. To see each other in times of joy, but also difficulty. To live comfortably in difference. To handle dissonance in a way that is graceful, and respectful and honorific. 

  • Learned to gracefully take advantage of each other. 

  • Learned about new groups. Directors did an incredible job finding diverse representation. Helped me learn about all the diverse groups in Needham.

  • Really impressed with the town’s commitment to these meetings. Select board, Town admins, law enforcement, clergy, school administrators., etc. 

  • Gave gravity that all these diverse groups participated, and everyone’s opinion was valued.

  • This kind of group is quite rare. When I talk with clergy elsewhere, they don’t gather regularly. Even on a professional basis. Even our town officials are here, and they don’t have to be. It’s impressive that our police chief participates in so many civic and community forums and events.

2) What stands out to you as a new skill or learning that you’ll take from the NRN? 

  • Deep listening skills like SAVE (e.g., listening for Stories, Action, Values and Emotions). Listening for these different things - listening specifically for values. Actively listening with a purpose has really impacted how I do conflict management in life.

  • I learned how to reflect back and understand - made me more aware of my own bias and making assumptions - it’s so important to know our biases.

  • I like data. Appreciated the big picture focus of the survey and then the connection to individual stories (within our group). That also connects to assumptions and how I and others understand Needham in a certain way. 

  • In the small groups, things got revealed and it enriched me. 

  • When one is not engaged in the community, it is so easy to expect town leadership to deal with the problems, and to feel like you are not accountable. But once you’re involved, you realize that every single act of engagement counts. 

  • Belonging. 

  • It’s a great service to our broader community that all of us have been exposed to the practice of talking across difference. And because each of us is involved in different networks across town, that makes a wider impact where people will notice that we speak differently, and differently about others, than we did before.

  • Graham Green says: ‘Hatred is just a failure of the imagination.’ Once you come to know someone and listen to someone, feel their pain or joy, you’re changed forever. 

  • As I think back over the arc of time that we’ve spent together, I can think of times that I’ve felt energized by the connection, and it’s also stood out to me that there are times that we’ve touched upon issues of sensitivity that are difficult. Where we’ve wanted to name and not blame, wanted things to be better but don’t know what that means or how we should go about doing it. How to move beyond defensiveness. How do we name and tackle issues that enable our community to grow? We’ve just begun. So I’m imagining that as we continue over time, we’re going to get very strong in that skill…and I’m excited that “WE” will be able to navigate it. 

  • Appreciated the opportunity to have harder conversations about current challenges.

  • Ability to have conversations with people that you would not otherwise have the opportunity to do so with.

  • Appreciated small groups, how they were formulated and allowed people to share values and vulnerabilities.

  • Thought the icebreakers were great. A great way to learn people’s personal preferences and gain more perspective about where everyone was coming from.

  • Created a safe space to be vulnerable, to be who you are, and not be so quick to judge people, but really take the time to try to understand where they’re coming from.

  • I could use the meeting to test out how to communicate effectively. Like a focus group where you could test out how to verbalize sensitive issues. It helped me gain the confidence to express and address concerns publicly. Social media has created a lot of tension and pressure around expressing opinions. This was a great place to be vulnerable, listen to people and formulate how you are going to effectively communicate sensitive topics. 

  • I like that we had a space to discuss law-enforcement concerns while still affirming the good work the police are doing. Opportunity to speak directly to the leaders and offer feedback without tension or being defensive. 

3) Has your experience at the NRN influenced how you relate with others (e.g., in personal life, with in-group members, or across difference)? If so, how?

  • Inspired me to become a more established member of my new community 

  • Invoked civic duty 

  • Evoked a greater sense of wanting to belong 

  • Inspired wanting to connect more, especially post-pandemic 

  • Impressed by the initial statement - normally we say ‘we’ - now can have a voice - individually 

  • It’s changed the way I see people from the NRN when I see them outside of these meetings. I keep in mind the question: ‘What’s my responsibility in terms of helping to share perspectives?’ It’s empowering to feel like I can serve as an ally, though it may not always be visible. 

  • This reminds me that in this world there are many voices to be heard. And although we’re doing it together, we may each be taking a different route to get there. What an opportunity to see and understand someone else’s route! 

  • I feel more confident. We have a lot of conflict at my workplace where there is so much interaction and so much diversity. I feel much more equipped to be able to address and not heighten conflict and hope to be able to share with my team and with those in conflict. 

  • Understanding that belonging can also cause conflict: Who belongs? Who belongs the most? Who has greater status? 

  • One of the things I’ve learned here was listening to understand. I wasn’t good at that before. Ask my children. It is a constant work for me to continue to hold that skill. I often have conflict within myself, so I have learned to take a step back and try to take it in before I respond so I’m not so impulsive. I think in all aspects of my life that’s going to make a difference if I keep working on it.

  • We got to meet people in the community that we did not know before and now they are close friends. Friendships have been formed and opportunities to come together and work on meaningful projects like the multicultural fair. You know names and faces. You can reach out to other members to help with such things as written communications, or how to approach someone else in town that they know and you don’t. Ability to talk to people and find out what went well, and what didn’t and avoid the same pitfalls with your own endeavors.

  • Did not grow up in Needham or America, and this helped me learn how to be part of a town and how things work. NRN was a civics lesson for me.

  • We now have a personal relationship when we see each other at other interest groups or around town.

  • This has opened doors within me. When things got rough before I would have been like, “Whatever.” Now, I’m more inclined to say, “Let’s go deeper.” To call someone and say, “Let’s figure this out.” The way that I respond to people that were already in my life is similar, but the way I now try to bridge with people across difference is the biggest change.

  • When you see NRN members in the community, you know each other.

4) How will you use your experiences/takeaways from the NRN going forward?

  • As a model for processing [things that come up in life]

  • Astounding how many community organizations are represented, and yet we can also see that some voices are missing. We need to ask: Why are they missing? Are they choosing not to be here? If so, how do we bring them to the table?

  • A lot of the skills I have learned here will help us in our work around human rights. There are quite a lot of issues we’re tackling that have to do with differences. I do believe we’ll be able to take these skills moving forward and bring them to the community.

  • This feels similar to the benefit of being in the clergy association - knowing who to call if something comes up. It’s wonderful to be better networked in the Needham community because it means we can better serve everyone here. We now have another network of networks. Helpful individually and also to the town. 

  • This was a model for creating groups and understanding that people can show up.

  • I learned about community organization. Never had that opportunity before. Never even considered being a community organizer and now I know how to do it. I know how to plan events and who I need to talk to with regard to scheduling rooms, food permits, etc.

  • I will use this structure for other DEI concerns at my job.

  • Certainly, the relationships are going to continue, that’s a blessing. I also find it helpful when I’m speaking to others about the community. When others say “tell me about your town,” it feels good to be able to tell a real story about who we are, what we stand for, where we’re going, what are our big questions, our successes. It feels good to be able to humbly boast about the NRN and say it is a blessed work in progress and we experience the task with joy.


NEXT STEPS

While our monthly meetings have ended, we hope to see all the NRN Members at the Cohort 1 Potluck Celebration on February 29, and in 1-1 exit interviews scheduled throughout February and March. Lastly, we are excited that we will continue to see many of you through the work of the CRC!


CLOSING PULSE

Members reflected on the significance of being in the first cohort of NRN.  

  • Appreciative, very glad I was a part

  • Happy, hopeful, appreciative, thank you all. Great to get to know those people I’ve never met before. Wonderful group.

  • I feel the same. Really grateful that all of us put the time in to get to know each other

  • I second what the last 3 people said. Really glad to have met all of you. All of you from certain parts of Needham life. It will be an experience I’ll remember my whole life.

  •  I feel very appreciative of the experience here, and am looking forward.

  • Just feeling grateful. Retired 1 ½ years ago. This really continued something important to me in terms of caring about Needham and working with people that I worked with, and teaching me how important a sense of belonging is for me. So thank you.

  •  I’ve actually literally been a part of this community since I was 4 years old. I continue to have hope that this community can work to do it right. I appreciate this group for being a catalyst.

  • Appreciate this opportunity to learn from all of your experiences, and to share mine.

  • The power of embracing vulnerability. People were talking about the benefits they experienced by having a safe space to be vulnerable and share ideas. It was such a benefit…to meet with people they didn’t know – across difference or even within their cultural groups. Through that connection, being able to do projects together, like the cultural fair.

  • This was a great learning experience for me, and I appreciate each and every one of you. Have learned from everybody’s background. I hope the work continues.

  • Same. For me, it was the first time I engaged on a community level with any community, as an immigrant adult in America. It was a wonderful way to learn about so many different aspects of Needham, build that network and know who I can go to. It’s the network of networks, and that is a really important thing to have in a community, particularly when you’re new to it, or learning to adjust to figure out where you fit in. Thank you guys for creating this very important service for our particular networks. I think we’ll be able to continue to benefit. This is also an interesting moment with my subnetwork now getting more organized…couldn’t have done that without the experiences we’ve had through the people we’ve gotten to know here. What are our goals as a subnetwork, who do we need to get to know? We’re coming up with a strategy and plan for how to show up in the community and I don’t think I would have known what to do without having been part of NRN. In our faith, we have this belief that God judges us by our endings. It’s been an up and down couple of years. I’m glad I was here for the ending and the next beginning.

  • I already knew most of you before I joined NRN, now I know all of you. And now, sometimes I drive through the stoplight just because I know the chief…(laughter). Thank you so much.

  •  It is a blessing to be included in this group of folks and there is gratitude for the sharing that has gone on here. And the openness and allowance of acceptance and vulnerability. So, to each of you, namaste.

  • I’m just in awe of the journey. My personal journey that got me here the past 3 years, I never would have imagined being in a room with so many leaders in the community, throughout the town, and contributing to us pushing forward as a town in unity. To not make the next generation to have to do all the things we did…younger kids can follow and see that we put in the work to make it a harmonious time. To be a part of that. I couldn’t have imagined sitting here. Appreciative. 

  • One of the things that I heard from others is gratitude for Nichole and Beth and other people who put this whole thing together. We know how much work it was to get this broader representation and the commitment from Town leaders. The main thing I heard and felt was having a sense of community and the ability to be vulnerable. And conflict resolution, and what we’ll take away from that. 

  • I’ve been thinking of thanking Beth and Nichole…I’m very impressed with the amount of work the two of you have put into this. To pull this together was incredible.

  • The windows and mirrors that we each have created here, that have led to seeing each other with more humanity, not just with each other but for our communities…the ones we represent, the ones we are going to get to know. And the people in our communities who will be listening more to understand.

  • I have a hopeful feeling that the work that we participate in here will help put us in a better place.

  • I’m just really grateful to have gotten the opportunity to be a part of this. Biggest takeaway – when I started I came in with the idea that we live in a town that is constantly at odds. Thinking, ‘What is the matter with everyone?’ And after this experience, I think we live in a town that really cares. And you continue to engage because you know people care. It’s easier to draw people out. 
  • I have 21 rules, organized into 7 snippets of scripture. God is love. Love never fails. love one another. I love you. Play without ceasing. Be not afraid. We are one. 

  • Very grateful to all of you who have participated and organized this experience. My primary feeling is one of amazement. None of us have been here every single time, but we’ve been meeting for a long time. I think it’s amazing that there are folks in Needham who are willing to spend this time every month to build connections. Very connected network of networks.

  • Again, I’m grateful and thankful. I knew a lot of you before, but just as a “say hi” kind of thing. But it’s been great actually getting to know some of your experiences, and what you do and why you do it, and I hope it’s been the same for you with me. It’s built a foundation and if we continue to work together, we can continue to build a foundation where everybody feels welcome. We can be part of the solution together.

  • My own amen. A number of years ago my wife’s mom had a fall. She needed to go through PT. She was working with her trainer, who said something to her: “You’re going to keep coming, training, lifting. But there’s nothing that I can do to make it such that you won’t fall again. What I can do is work with you in such a way that when you do fall, you’ll be able to get back up again.” I think that most certainly applies to a community. Building resilience, strength, focusing on ideals and values that are foundational and essential in our individual and collective lives…this community is an opportunity for us to continue to do that work. So, my appreciation is founded on a deep understanding and grace that being with you is a blessing.

Thank you to everyone in the NRN for showing up with your whole and authentic self to build belonging and bridges for the past two years! Needham is all the stronger for it.

Our last Network News would not be complete without one more note of thanks. We are infinitely grateful for the support we received from the Center for Inclusion and Belonging at the American Immigration Council, where the Network was one of 12 projects focused on building local-level belonging throughout the country. This means that the learning we have done together here will be able to inform belonging work that is currently being extended elsewhere throughout the nation. 

Lastly, we are also immensely grateful to Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital and the Crimson Lion Foundation - without them, this Network would not have come into being.