Your Needs Called.

They’ve been Leaving Messages

Greetings!



Would you include, on a dating app, CV or your website bio, that among your other great attributes that you were “needy”? Nobody likes a “needy” guy or gal, yet needy and, I will add, “wanty” are who, and what we are, as homosapiens.

There comes a point in life where you find yourself staring into the fridge at 10pm eating cheese directly from the packet and wondering: “Do I actually want this .. or do I need a hug, holiday or three uninterrupted night’s sleep?”

Most of us don’t know the difference. We are ace at identifying other people’s needs. The kids need support, the dog needs walking, your partner needs listening to, your boss needs results. 

Needs R Us



When it comes to our own needs we suddenly become contestants on Britain’s Got Emotional Repression. If you routinely trot out “Oh, I’m fine”, “I’m just tired”, “It’s not important”, “I’m just having a moment” – you could well be filing an official complaint to your nervous system.

Wants V Needs

Wants are something that looks good and might make life nicer. Wants might include: a new kitchen, a designer gizmo, a Ferrari, La Prairie face cream, a week’s retreat in Tuscany, tweakments.

A need is something that sates us and allows us to function well. These might be: sleep, connection, safety, peace, love, time to think, solitude, truth, food that didn’t originate at the petrol station.

These, it must be stated are not optional luxuries, but a crie de couer from your mind, body and soul and must be addressed. Ignore them and expect exhaustion, resentment and feeling vaguely homicidal when someone asks us for yet another favour.

Needs are not a weakness but are information. Your feelings are a messenger and unfortunately most of us shoot the messenger and barrel on.

Getting Needs Met

One of the simplest methods for managing your health and mental state is to ask yourself: “What do I need right now?”   Try this small experiment.  Over the next few days whenever you feel irritated, emotional, overwhelmed or at a loss, instead of asking “what’s wrong with me?” Try asking: “what need is not being met?”

You may discover you need – rest, help, reassurance, space, attention, fun, clarity, time alone or a stiff negroni.

Getting your needs met wards off burnout, illness, resentment, arguments and melt-downs. It’s not selfish. Humanity and the world itself needs more kinder, happier and satisfied people.

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