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How do you respond when a conversation about change starts to get uncomfortable?
When a conversation about change starts to get uncomfortable, notice what is happening. Is your natural response to talk more, or do you double down on a need to convince the other person? Do you justify, over explain, or become impatient? Maybe you downplay the message, give quick, superficial agreements, or look for a way to wrap up the conversation. Responses like these are natural human reactions to tension, and we’re often unaware that we are reacting more to our discomfort than to what the other person is saying. Unfortunately, such reactions often prevent us from truly understanding others. Without that understanding, it’s so much harder to find common ground.
Discomfort may never go away but with increased awareness about your natural reaction to it, you can recognize it and not let it drive the discussion. The next time you feel uncomfortable, resist the natural urge to immediately fix, persuade, dig in, or move on. Do the opposite and stay in the discussion a little longer. Get curious and asks open-ended questions that help you learn more. Remember that understanding someone’s view and agreeing with someone’s view are not the same. Staying in the discussion doesn’t mean you agree with everything you hear, nor does it change the work that has to get done. It means creating enough space to understand the concern before deciding how to respond. It means involving someone in how the work gets done and it means finding new ways to move forward, regardless of whether you agree.
The result is a more productive conversation, increased buy-in for the change and often, a better working relationship.
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