|
My dear Saint Markans,
When I was a senior in college I went to the Rector of my church and told him I felt called to be a priest. He asked me about my prayer life. I didn’t know what a prayer life was, so he sent me on a three-day silent retreat to the Society of St. John the Evangelist, an Episcopal monastic community in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
The first evening was lovely. The quiet offered a welcome change from the busyness of college life. The second day, however, was agony. I had never intentionally practiced silence. My nervous system didn’t know how to operate without constant stimulation and input. I spent the whole day feeling anxious. When I woke on the third day, though, the anxiety had dissipated, and I was able to rest in the silence, just in time to leave the retreat and return to my busy college life.
That weekend was my first taste of the renewing power of retreat, silence, and prayer, and it completely changed my life. I began a daily practice of lectio divina–praying with scripture–a practice that helped me to name, cultivate, and live into my longing for union with God. That experience of longing eventually drew me into and then out of a monastery, and it remains at the core of my spiritual life. In order to nourish and meet that longing, I continue to make a practice of regular retreat.
This Wednesday I will leave for Ohio for a nine-day Centering Prayer Intensive. This retreat will be entirely in silence. I’ll leave my laptop at home and turn off my phone when I get to the retreat center. During the retreat, we’ll sit for three hours of Centering Prayer each day, a form of prayer where you sit silently, grounded in your intention to surrender to God’s loving action within you. While on this retreat, we’re encouraged to read as little as possible, in order to maximize our availability to God’s loving presence within. In such an environment, the intensity of the silence becomes both a crucible and a nourishing and supportive container for deep rest in God.
You never know what will come up on retreat. I’ve had retreats that were painful and anxious and required a lot of spiritual heavy lifting. I’ve also had retreats that were deeply restful and rejuvenating. Over many years of retreat-going, though, I have mostly learned to trust that God is bringing to the surface whatever in me is ready to be healed, integrated, and renewed. These times of regular retreat are the yearly equivalent of my daily practice of Centering Prayer, and they continue to bear fruit throughout the year. These times of more intensive prayer and silence make me a more loving and grounded priest and person, because they help me to keep God as my central focus.
In the spirit of disconnecting, I will not be writing Dean’s Desk emails while I’m away. If you need assistance, you may contact our staff.
Please pray for me while I’m away on retreat, and know that I’ll be praying for and with you, too.
Your brother in Christ,
| 
