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Let’s start with this:
You are in charge of your own happiness. No one else is.
YOU own the responsibility to be happy. If you’re not… it’s your own fault.
There. I said it.
Most people don’t want to hear that — because then they can’t blame their misery on something external. They have to own it. (Oh, perish the thought.)
Can’t blame the boss. Can’t blame your spouse. The kids. That nosey neighbor. Your sister-in-law who ruins every holiday. Those crooked politicians.
Can’t blame sales clerks who ignore you. Your cell phone that ran out of power in the mountain cabin. Customers who pay late. Or traffic jams.
Can’t even blame the weatherman who promised only 3% chance of rain on the day of your backyard barbecue.
Nope. Can’t blame any of it.
Oh sure, maybe they’re all guilty of screwing up.
But NONE of them are in control of your happiness.
Never get trapped in that ‘victim mentality’ thing. Woe is me. It sucks to be there.
No. You’re in charge. Take control. Own it. And figure it out.
As a frequent speaker on winner behavior, peak performance, goal setting, and life planning themes…
…many years ago I came up with my own personal definition for ‘happiness’.
It’s a multi-part formula, actually. Has several components.
What is it? I’ll get to that in a minute.
But first, let’s hear what a few prominent folks say.
Founding Father Ben Franklin said: “The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.”
Author, speaker, and founder of the National Conference for Self-Esteem Dennis Waitley said: “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.”
First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt said: (paraphrasing) Happiness is not a goal, not something you pursue by itself. It’s a by-product of other things, of doing what makes you feel fulfilled.
Tom Bodett, famous radio voice of the Motel 6 chain: “They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”
Comedian Groucho Marx — in a rare serious moment — offered this: “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day — today — and I’m going to be happy in it.”
Hellen Keller: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but we often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the other that has been opened for us.” (Imagine that — from someone who couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t speak. Impressive.)
I heard entrepreneur Ivanka Trump, in a Good Morning America interview, speak of “…a celebration of architecting the lives we want to live… finding your passion and pursuing that.”
In the words of “Jonathan Livingston Seagull” author Richard Bach: “If your happiness depends on someone else, I guess you do have a problem.”
Profound words from Greek philosopher Epictetus: “There is only one way to happiness… and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”
Buddha said: “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
But perhaps Goethe, German writer and statesman, said it best…
“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”
Wow.
Actions For You:
Being happy starts with getting your head screwed on right.
Stop believing happiness is dependent on other people, places, possessions, events, or things.
Do that, and you forfeit your power to people and things you don’t control.
NEVER give up your power.
Especially to something you cannot control.
And here’s a big question: Is happiness the destination — or the journey?
Here’s radio/TV broadcaster Andy Rooney’s view:
“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.”
Translation: It’s the journey.
Here’s my definition of happiness and how to achieve it…
Happiness, to me, is the sum total of doing 4 things at once…
…living your all-consuming passions… advancing your exciting life mission… pursuing worthy and exhilarating goals… and staying true to your core behavioral values in all major decisions and actions.
Passions. Mission. Goals. Values.
Where those 4 intersect — for me, that is rapturous, euphoric happiness.
If asked, could you write down your passions? Your life mission? Your biggest goals? Your core values?
Most cannot.
I teach all 4 in my personal life goal workshops. My 4 are crystal clear, on paper, memorized, and turned into action every day.
If your 4 are not in writing and not memorized…
…then they’re not likely crystal clear for you… not top-of-mind… and seldom acted upon.
Result: you’re probably not living them with any regularity.
Maybe you are occasionally, by accident.
But not all the time, on purpose.
Start there. Define those 4. Get unblurred. Create clarity and laser focus.
Then pursue each with fanatical, obsessive zeal. Every day.
And I bet you’ll be a lot happier.
Power Thought: "I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance, but by our disposition.” Martha Washington, wife of George, and our first First Lady.
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