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Here’s a common misconception about successful people:
…that because they’re brilliantly successful in one area of their life — business, sports, the arts, community service, family, a hobby, whatever…
…then naturally they must be equally successful in ALL areas of their life simultaneously.
They do it all… have it all… so it would seem.
Do you believe that? Most people do.
And for those who accept it as truth, it creates a mental barrier to achievement in their own life, as they frustratingly wonder:
What’s the use in trying — only Superman or Superwoman is capable of being accomplished in many different life areas at the same time.
They think it’s too much to ask… believe they are incapable of handling that load… convince themselves they will fail miserably…
…so they don’t even try to be great at one. They give up. Throw in the towel.
Well, here’s a newsflash: It’s baloney.
Successful people are NOT brilliant at multiple things at the same time.
Just ask — they’ll be the first to admit it.
Most will tell you how inadequate they feel… how they neglect important things because something else tugs at their attention… how the guilt eats at them… how they feel like a failure.
A CEO client told me:
There are three main areas of my life: my family, my business, my personal hobbies. At any one time, I can be succeeding in two of them, but the elusive third is always in shambles. They rotate, so it’s a different two at different times, but for some reason, I just can’t seem to spin all three plates in the air at the same time.
He’s far from alone — and despite being heralded as a success from those who know him — he feels inadequate, neglectful, and guilty inside.
Now, listen to this.
It’s from Shonda Rhimes — creator/writer/producer of mega-hit TV shows like ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, ‘Private Practice’, ‘Scandal’, ‘How To Get Away With Murder’, and ‘Station 19’.
Giving the commencement address a few years ago at her alma mater, Dartmouth College, she told the graduating seniors she is constantly asked, as a very successful woman and single mother of three young girls…
How do you do it all?
Her response to this question is brilliant and instructive for us all. Pay close attention. She said…
“The answer is: I don’t. Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life. If I am killing it on a ‘Scandal’ script for work, I am probably missing bath and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids' Halloween costumes, I'm probably blowing off a rewrite I was supposed to turn in. If I am accepting a prestigious award, I am missing my baby's first swim lesson. If I am at my daughter's debut in her school musical, I am missing Sandra Oh's last scene ever being filmed at ‘Grey's Anatomy’.
“If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the tradeoff. That is the Faustian bargain one makes with the devil that comes with being a powerful working woman who is also a powerful mother.
“You never feel 100% okay. You never get your sea legs. You are always a little nauseous. Something is always lost. Something is always missing.
“And yet, I want my daughters to see me and know me as a woman who works. I want that example set for them. I like how proud they are when they come to my offices and know that they come to Shondaland. There is a land — and it is named after their mother. In their world, mothers run companies. In their world, mothers own Thursday nights. In their world, mothers work. And I am a better mother for it.
“The woman I am because I get to run Shondaland, because I get to write all day, because I get to spend my days making things up, that woman is a better person — and a better mother. Because that woman is happy. That woman is fulfilled. That woman is whole. I wouldn't want them to know the me who didn't get to do this all day long. I wouldn't want them to know the me who wasn't doing.
“Anyone who tells you they are doing it all perfectly… is a liar.”
Take a moment and drink that in. Re-read it a couple times.
It may describe you.
Actions For You:
If you too are agonizing over the can’t-do-two-or-three-or-four-important-things-at-once dilemma of a busy schedule…
…the smart question to ask yourself is NOT:
Why can’t I be brilliant at everything… always there… always killing it… missing nothing… all the time?
No. The smart question is:
Am I deeply passionate about — and obsessively committed to — both? (…or all three? … or all four?)
If you are, then leave it alone. No change required. You are doing nothing wrong.
You are merely dealing with the inevitable tradeoff that comes from living a multi-passionate life… in which you can’t do it all every day… and can’t be perfect every time.
Yes, you’ll feel guilty and neglectful at times when you’re doing one and ignoring another.
So what? Deal with it. It comes with the territory of success.
Take comfort in: No successful person before you has satisfactorily solved this.
But if your answer is: No, I am passionate and obsessive about one, but not the other…
…well then, if it were me, I could snap my fingers and make that decision pretty quickly.
I’d let go of the non-passion in a heartbeat — or find someone else to do it — even if it meant paying for the service. And even if I couldn’t let go immediately, I’d map out a plan to get rid of it as soon as possible — or off my plate and onto another’s.
Life is too short not to.
I have four life passions: Family and friends. Health and fitness. Growing leaders in my business. Playing baseball.
Those four are all I do. 24/7/365. Nothing else.
But they are distinctly separate and seldom overlap. Only rarely do I get to do two or more at the same time.
So when active in one, I’m most often ignoring — and failing at — the other three.
I’m perfectly fine with that.
The thing is, even though painful at times, I don’t actually view them as failures. To me, they’re simply passionate choices.
Because those are the 4 things, in life, I most want to boldly succeed at and go big on.
Everything else… I delegate, or hire to get done, or completely ignore guilt-free.
The bottom line is, success requires tradeoffs.
How do you handle them? Here’s how…
Don’t fear tradeoffs, don’t run from them, don’t think you can avoid them.
And certainly don’t give in to the ridiculous notion that you’re a total flop because you occasionally miss one passion for another.
Instead, embrace all your passions AND the occasional tradeoffs you must make.
AND… accept that you’re a better person in all areas of your life because you choose to have multiple passions.
How? Because the energy, ecstasy, and exhilaration from one…
…will spill over to all.
It always has for me.
Power Thought: "Winners embrace hard work. They love the discipline of it, the tradeoff they’re making to win. Losers, on the other hand, see it as a punishment. And that’s the difference.” Lou Holtz, college football coach, national champion with Notre Dame.
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